Anxiety and Parenting and EVERYTHING.

I have battled with Anxiety after the birth of my first child 7 years ago. I was never an anxious person but after having kids and the worries that come with it, I find myself always questioning myself with EVERYTHING. I’m constantly thinking of bad things that can happen and my husband is CONSTANTLY talking me off the ledge (not literally, just figuratively) about things. I had a pretty bad childhood, not awful but bad. I was given a lot of adult responsibilities like looking after my younger siblings for 12 hours straight while my mum worked - this was when I was 11. Like I said, not awful, but I feel I definitely missed out on a childhood. Another example - My 9 month old fell of my bed recently. He was not injured, he got up off his tummy and started crawling around after he got over the initial shock. I had turned around for 10 seconds to get him some clothes from his cupboard and he power crawled and fell off. My partner was able to move past it, where as I, even 2 months on can’t stop thinking about it and I feel like such a failed and awful parent. I get like this constantly (despite having two other healthy and happy kids). I will have a shower and be a complete sobbing mess and then I have to get out of the shower and put on a smile for my kids and husband. At times I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack because the anxiety puts so much stress on my heart. I want to go and see a doctor and possibly start on some anxiety medication (I’ve heard great things about it), but will I be seen as an unfit or unstable parent? Anxiety is classed as mental health and I don’t want people to see my ‘mental health’ status as a reason to think I’m an incapable parent. I am fine in a social setting, I am fine with communicating with people, it’s just always thinking of bad things that can happen, even though the likelihood of those bad things happening are slim. I will reflect on things that have happened (like the baby falling off the bed) and think ‘what if he broke his neck’ and I will just dwell and dwell and dwell on it. If my son gets a bruise from footy or playing rough with our eldest daughter, I think ‘what are people
Going to think’ and I just can’t move on from it. I’m over living like this. I want to enjoy my life, my kids, my husband, and I have heard good things about the anxiety medication, but I just don’t want to be seen as an unfit or incapable parent because of my mental health and because of being on medication.