Hi guys, so bit of a background. My husband, 2 young boys and I live in quite a remote area on a cattle property. Our nearest small town being almost an hour away. We have been here almost 10 years, our eldest is 5. We both moved out here to work, but after getting married i soon fell pregnant and had our first child so because of our location and the nearest childcare centre being 1 hour 30 minutes away, I had to be a stay at home mum. Right from the start I have struggled with this. I went from a very active job to being stuck at home. Being a stay at home mum is not for everyone, and it's definitely not for me. Not much has changed, and I feel I am resenting this position I am in more and more. I feel like I am never happy, I hardly want to be around my children, I feel like I'm always yelling and small things set me off, and as a coping mechanism I am on my phone most of the day to try and escape. I feel trapped, I hate myself, I hate what I'm doing to my children, and I hate that all my husband sees is a miserable wife when he gets home. A few years ago I heard about being married but living apart and ever since it has stayed on my mind and I have often wondered if it could work for us. The only issue is, we wouldn't be just down the road from each other, the boys and I would move 9 hours away to be closer to my family and work availability. I have not bought this subject up with my husband yet, and I fully intend to but I am just wanting outside opinions AND if there's anyone on here that is currently doing this or has done it and can tell me what their experience is or was like?
8 Replies
Is there work available for you to do on the station? Is getting a governess an option to you? I worked as one for several years while both of the parents worked. I went through an inhome program so the family is able to receive the childcare subsidy. With your child being 5 you'll also be schooling soon, if you're not already, through distance ed and from experience it's incredibly difficult to balance being mum and teacher.
There were a few families around where mum and kids lived in town but that was for schooling purposes and they lived in the nearest town and were home every weekend and school holidays. My husbands parents did this although their relationship didn't last.
Is your husband willing to move and change jobs? I married a station boy and that's the decision we ended up making for our family
I think there is that option, but it all seems very confusing, and is hard to know what we are entitled to. I'm not so sure about work either as we are currently going through a terrible drought, which is another reason I'm feeling so down and wanting to leave, so I don't think the boss would be able to take on another worker. Husband feels like he wouldn't be good or useful at anything else as he has had some injuries which stopped him from doing his previous job.
If you want to look into a governess and the Inhome care your best bet is to talk directly with the providers as they're the ones that can provide all of the details. Not sure where you're located but my family went through Longreach Inhome care so that could be a place to start. Your biggest issue may be accommodation - it's hard, both for you and them, if they're living in your home.
My husband left the station without any qualifications and felt the same about finding work just because he'd never done any different. He took on any job he could get while gathering qualifications (forklift license, truck license, white card, traffic control accreditation). We went through some really tough times financially, and I was constantly propping him up with positivity, but at least we were together and our lifestyle had changed for the better. Eventually he got a job with the council and he's a lot happier as well
I think you’ve got to do what you got to do. I’d ask about you all moving first and really discuss all the options with him. I’d include moving to a closer town with childcare so you can work and he can spend more time with the kids.
I think 9hours away will be overly difficult if he isn’t working on a roster where he can take a week or so off on a semi regular basis.
How I see it, if the move is 9 hours away and it's not going to work like a FIFO situation where one or both of you are flying in and out relatively regularly, I think you're really just skirting around calling it what it is - a separation.
You really just need to sit down and talk this over with hubby, lay it all out on the table. Consider all the options, see if there's a compromise that benefits you both.
Personally it’s not something I would do. I couldn’t fathom leaving my husband on a station and moving 9 hours away from him to be closer to my family (you say for more support but who says they’ll actually be more support?) but further away from him where he cannot come and see our children on a weekend or we can’t go out and see him on the odd night here or there and you’d practically only see him on the holidays but come up with any excuse you could to not go ie. not having enough holidays. You say the nearest town is an hour away which is where you would be moving if you honestly loved your husband more than anything taking a job in the corner store or something of the likes where there were more people. Small communities are a beautiful thing and o couldn’t imagine living away from mine. I don’t think your relationship would last or you could call it a marriage if you weren’t seeing each other regularly and it would break your husband but you would be fine becasue you would have your children and your family. He however would not be. My partner tells me all the time he wouldn’t be able to cope if I decided to leave and take the kids to town becasue coming home to an empty house every night would destroy him.
I live apart from my husband. Have done for 12 months now. However we are only 4 mins drive away from each other.
This is an impossible situation but I don’t think it’s fair to move 9 hours away. Financially how often can you afford for him or yourself to do that type of trek. Certainly wouldn’t be comfortable to do for a weekend.