Keeping this short and to the point as I’m still digesting it .
My 6 year old son told me his 10 year old brother ( has ADHD not sure if relevant ) has been giving him special hugs
“They both take off their clothes hug and wiggle “
I asked many questions of any other interaction and as far as I can tell this is the Extent of what has happened a few times .
I feel sick to my stomach
Advice on what to do as I want to approach this matter correctly .
9 Replies
Call bravehearts for advice
Whilst I don’t think this is”normal” I do think it occurs more regularly than we talk about. A very firm discussion with your 10 year old is required. A similar conversation age appropriate with the six year old is also needed. Then put in place appropriate “boundaries “ to prevent them having opportunities to do it again.
Exactly!
Agree with the above poster. Firm but appropriate talks about privates is needed here, as well as supervised interactions, and a door open policy. I'd also speak to your son's healthcare provider so they can give you tools with this behaviour as well just in case his ADHD is influencing it
It is not normal at all for your 10yo yo ask your younger child to get on him and wiggle, and I would be worried that more could happen.
Does your child have unsupervised internet access is the first question I would ask, or does his friends? The porn problem among young kids these days is alarming and they are learning these things through watching porn as parents are not aware.
Is he on Fortnite or Mindcraft where predators can talk to him? You need to safeguard those thing too.
Lastly, talk to him calmly, find out what is going on, has he seen anyone do that, on TV or anything, and explain to him that it is inappropriate and he can't be doing that with his brother or any other child.
Good luck Mumma!
To be honest I think it’s quit normal for children to do weird things like this. They are body experimenting. I would suggest to talk to both kidS about body safety ect. Find out maybe why just incase if theres more to it.
But I do remember myself and my cousin looking at each other’s body parts out, I guess we were fascinated. Ours was non sexual, just pure curiosity. I’ll repeat ours was NON SEXUAL.
To be honest I think it’s quit normal for children to do weird things like this. They are body experimenting. I would suggest to talk to both kidS about body safety ect. Find out maybe why just incase if theres more to it.
But I do remember myself and my cousin looking at each other’s body parts out, I guess we were fascinated. Ours was non sexual, just pure curiosity. I’ll repeat ours was NON SEXUAL.
Please do not think is “normal” you must deal with it. It could really haunt and mess up your younger child. Speaking from personal experience, these things come back at you as an adult. It is sexual abuse. Plain and simple. If an adult had done that you wouldn’t question it you would call it what it is. There is a large age difference and so the older child absolutely has the upper hand and is much more aware than the younger child. You must deal with both children and keep an especially watchful eye on them both. Obviously do not ever let them be together behind closed doors or unsupervised together. I’m sure this will be difficult but it is absolutely necessary otherwise I can assure you, your youngest child will hate his sibling and the fall out as adults could be catastrophic. Please protect your baby!
I hope you read this, I have to do it privately because I know too many people in this group lol
There are some symptoms of ADHD that people just don't discuss and the hypersexuality is one of them. I'm sure you know that the root cause of the ADHD is a dopamine deficiency which results in a lot of dopamine seeking behaviour. Sexual stimulation is a really great way to get dopamine that's for sure!
Growing up with untreated ADHD myself, I would masterbaste multiple times a day - any opportunity I got tbh - and from a young age. Once I was diagnosed I read into it because I was wondering if it was related and sure enough the excessive masterbating is very very common.
Now that I'm treated I don't think about masterbating at all... I don't seek the dopamine because medicine has regulated the issue.
My 6 year old has ADHD also and before she began treatment she would also masterbaste often.... Now it's not happening at all (that I'm aware, which is good enough for me imo)
I hope that understanding this part of it helps you with your reaction ... Having ADHD means he is behind in his development so very likely doesn't fully comprehend that it's wrong.... He's on the same level emotionally as the 6yr old.
Please get some help from a professional who can help guide you through the conversations needing to be had with both boys - I do think the older boy needs to be advised on healthy masterbastion and sexual health so he doesn't hurt himself (make sure he washes his hands before and after, does it in private and if he does it too much and hurts himself to make sure he applies a barrier cream so it doesn't get infected - make one available to him so he doesn't feel ashamed from having to ask for the cream). I know it feels weird having that kind of convo with a 10 year old boy ... Try having it with a 5 year old girl ~.~ they will discover their bodies whether we like it or not so how it's handled now will mean the difference between it being done safely or in secret.