My partner and I have been together over 2 years, I have a 4yo from my previous relationship and we have a 4 month old together. Before this relationship I was never concerned about marriage and never really pictured my wedding like a lot of girls do. Now it's all I think about. I love this man to pieces and want nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together as husband and wife... however... he doesn't believe in marriage, he's dead against it in fact. He keeps telling me it's never going to happen and that I should just change my last name to his. I don't want a big expensive white wedding just a small celebration with family and close friends to celebrate our love but he isn't having it.
Is this a deal breaker? Should I keep trying to change his mind or just give in and change my name?
7 Replies
Ask him why is it because if a childhood issue or is he just worried it will change. Tell him how important it is what you looking at or elope we did with few friends. Explain it’s the commitment to him more than the paper having last name when school not being a ms or miss but a mrs his.
You live with him, you had a kid to him, all in the span of two years.
Your actions looked as though you didn’t care about marriage, maybe this is news to him?
Maybe he needs some time to get used to The Idea?
Some men need the motivation to lock it down, but what’s his if he already has everything?
The only way is talk from the heart, find out why he is so against it and tell him why it is so important to you.
It’s a fine line though, you don’t want to marry someone who is doing it out of obligation but you also want him to understand why it is so important to you.
At the end of the day though, married or not, you’re still a family.
I wouldn’t change my name, if you’re not married, it would feel inappropriate and honestly, a bit desperate.
Good luck.
Id just talk to him. Find out why. If its money, ask if a commitment ceremony could work.
Im 13yrs with my partner and we still arent married. Not even engaged...
As much as ud like to be
Been together 6 years. 1 kid each and 1 together. I would love to get married but he doesnt. His mum.was married and divorced 4 times and other stuff. Yes it hurts that I will probably never get that special day but I choose to be with the person that I love then let it eat me up inside.
2 years is very quick to be together, start living together and have a child. Maybe it'll happen when you least suspect it.
My husband and I were together for 3 years and not living together when he proposed. We then took another 2 years to get married. So we had those 2 years to live with each other before actually getting married.
However, going to your question. I think it depends on the person. Are you the type of person that can live without that official commitment? I would be heartbroken if my husband said he wouldn't want to married me (obviously before hand). Originally my hubby wanted to wait until I finished uni (I'd only just started and it was 5+ years), but after about 6 months we were talking about it and I just said "you know you don't have to wait until I'm finished right!" haha he thought that I was the one that wanted to wait! Perhaps talk about it and ask if he would just like a small courthouse wedding with you, your kids and witness?
Also, I would not be changing my name without the official ceremony.
If it's meant to be, it will be!
My partner is the same. Been together for 6 years, have 2 kids, 3 houses, and bought 2 really nice cars while together. In his eyes we are already married without all the fuss. He has said the same thing “just change my name”. He says spending money on a wedding is a waste, that we love each other so why do we need a piece of paper. Says signing that paper mean we “own” each other, when we don’t. Marriage doesn’t stop people being unfaithful ect.
He has also said I need to accept that he loves me with out the piece of paper.
When he introduces me to people he knows it’s always as his wife to. I’ve also been given a commitment ring for “the finger”.
It’s not a deal breaker for me, I know he loves me and the kids. That’s all we really need. Is the love.
only if it's a deal breaker for you? I wouldn't change my name with out marriage, and that could be a registry style or 500 people. he can't have his cake and eat it too. you either get married, then change your name or you just keep your name and roll on as life partners. if you are living together as i assume you are legally under separation everything would be dealt with in the same way. so maybe an honest conversation as to why he is anti marriage give you an understanding of where is he coming from. you both need to be okay with the end call. One person can't feel cheated or pushed around or it will be an issue forever