For 8 years I have been in a tunnel, a tunnel where I have allowed a man to train me to be his biggest supporter. I’ve lived in a world where nothing was real because it was all made up. A man who’s complex mental health issues took over my mind and the way I saw life. He was a compulsive liar with more stories than a library. Making up stories about how he was raised in the care system, owned houses, owned businesses, cars and much more. A man who had deep issues with sex, I was sexually assaulted on many occasions as part of his fantasies for years and I got used to it and I was able to continue with my life thinking that was okay. A man who then went on to start to suffocate and choke me into a frenzied situation where I would fight for my life. I have been so badly attacked and when I’m in pain this man would become sexually excited and relieve himself on me. I was just a “thing” he has no respect for women and I suffered some deep wounds and broken bones from his behaviour. His relationship with cocain and alcohol fueled his passion to treat me a bit like a tormented dog. He also had many online profiles where he would meet strangers for sex. Okay .... I could tell you some more but I think you get the idea. I have a son with him and I have two older children. 3 months ago I had had enough. I ignored him and threatened him with prison (photos of my injuries) and have managed to keep him away. But now ..... I’m not answering him and he’s becoming extremely agitated and he misses his son. I need him to stay away but because he is on the birth certificate he has rights. He has told some really weird and untrue stories to many people about me, recently reported me for apparently abusing my children when he knows I’ve never touched anyone of my children. He wants me to let him do what he wants ........ how do I get away ...... how do I keep him away. He’s getting angry because I’m ignoring him. I can’t sleep, every creek through the night I think it’s him ..... I want to be free and happy and with him in my life I can’t be. I don’t know where to turn. He has drenched me in petrol, put me close to death and I’m scared.
10 Replies
I’m so happy you have got out. Im not much help, but my advice would be to go the police. Take your photos as evidence and use them. Try not to be afraid of his reaction.
Life can only get better.
Get a lawyer
Get to the police ASAP and then stay there ask them to protect you. Use all the proof you have. Call some women’s shelters. Get someone to stay at yours with you so you’re not alone ever until he’s locked up. I’m sorry I’m not much more help!
Also contact a Domestic Violence group like 1800Respect. You may be out but he is still active and a danger to you.
You go to the police and get an extended AVO. You seek emotional support in the form of counselling.
After you have organised an AVO you will need to start the process for legal custody arrangements. I'm not going to lie, you will still need to share your child with this man but the safest thing to do is have custody drawn up. Right now he could take your child and there will be nothing you can do and take months to get him back.
Ring DVCONNECT they help.alot in these situations and will assist you and point you in the right direction. Yiur partner does not have a right to your son of DV has been proven in the relationship. Remember to it you allow your son around that behaviour (which I know you wont) child safety will become involve as a well.
I've been in a similar situation. I've been out now for nearly 8 months with 4 kids (2 his). Call the police and get a dvo put on him. I know it's incredibly hard thing to do and you might feel physically sick about it but do it or ask someone to do it for you. Then go completely no contact with him. When you call the police they will put you in touch with support services. Take the support they will help you amazingly.
Things are easier but still messed up out the other side. It's a long process and even still I am questioning my reality but getting some amazing help and support.
Good luck xo
Document and back up everything.
Seek legal help. Get a DVO, speak to the domestic violence liaison officer nearest to you.
Call DOCS yourself and discuss his threat to your child a safety.
Get proactive about it.
And please seek counselling. There are a lot of emotions raging inside when it comes to DV and kids etc. There's no shame in talking to someone.
Contact your women's advocacy centre like https://www.wdvcasnsw.org.au/
The fact that what you have said shocks people and I am sure there is more you need to go to DVConnect and arrange them to involve the police
You have been sexually assaulted and raped
You have been physically assaulted and likely threatened death
These are offences to put someone in jail and that’s just what we know
These are also enough to get orders out for your kids so he can’t see them and then go to court