My husband goes out at least 1-2 nights a week. I am at home all day with 2 young kids. If I haven’t heard from him by 7pm I call him to check on when he is coming home. Those nights he decides to go out he just turns off his phone and I don’t hear from him. I have no idea where he is or who he is with. He says that I will just tell him that I want to come home so that’s why he doesn’t answer or turn off his phone. He tells all his colleagues that I’m controlling and always demanding that he stay home. Am I being too controlling expecting him to answer his phone / keep me updated as to his whereabouts?
13 Replies
How would he react if you did this? Would he be fine and not try and call you, just like he is expecting of you? If your answer is no then you're in a double standard relationship and he has no respect for you.
It doesn’t sound like you are being controlling. It’s perfectly normal to expect your spouse to flick you a text to say they won’t be home for dinner as they are going to xyz. Normal spouses check in and let there partner that they are going out. It’s also totally normal to tell your spouse where you will be.
When did this behaviour start?
I put money on it he is having an affair.
Or drugs. Sounds like he's having a bit of glass BBQ action.
I do think that it's basic decency to let your spouse know if you've made plans after work (or even in general), where you'll be at, a rough estimate of when you'll arrive home and that's got to be a two way street - what's good for the goose is good for the gander as they say! So if he'd be outraged if you just upped and left for a few hours without telling him where you were going or not answering your phone then that's not behaviour he is afforded the luxury of.
To play devil's advocate here for a sec though since we don't have his side of things, maybe since the kids have come along he's struggling with the loss of freedom. Maybe when you have been able to reach him on the phone you have inadvertently made him feel obligated to come home when he didn't want to. Maybe he does feel as though he has no control over his life anymore.
I guess you need to ask yourself:
Do you trust him?
Is he upfront with you when he does eventually get home and is that at a reasonable time, or is he evasive and defensive?
Is there any other reason you have to believe he may be up to something shady?
Affair....
No doubt there are some ugly surprises waiting to be found out, poor lady
Nope. He's being utterly disrespectful and you'd be a mug to allow someone to treat you like that
That’s really disrespectful. My husband and I have an agreement that he can go out for as long as he bloody well wishes but I must know where he is and what he’s doing. Whether it be the strippers, doing drugs.. you name it I don’t bloody care just as long as I know what he’s up to. It works great for us, I know drugs and what not aren’t favourable but if I’m aware that’s what he’s doing I feel a lot better than finding out later on. And he’s happy to tell me upfront what he’s up to always. He will call me if plans change and also has the confidence to call me to pick him up if things get messy.. none of his mates have the same trust/respect with their partners but I’m open and don’t stop him doing his things.
I'd have to draw the line at drugs, esoecially if it's meth, but each to their own.
No definitely not meth. Some recreational use 3-4 times a year on boys trip :)
Sounds dodgy to me! It's not too much to tell your partner your going out and when you expect to be home. It's just rude, disrespectful and dishonest behaviour to turn your phone off. I hope for you he isn't having an affair but it sure sounds like it!
Wow that’s is suspicious.. he prob has another woman!! Typical of blaming you and making you think that it is you. He is probably upto something. What if something was wrong with your kids and the phone is off. It’s just a bullshit excuse and you need to organise someone to watch the kids and follow him one night or find out where he is secretly. Also try and snoop through his phone or anything. Chances are he is cheating!! Seen it all before.