Christmas is approaching and im wondering what the protocol for this situation is.
I've separated from the father of my children (2 under 5) this is our second christmas since the separation. He now has a partner who also has 2 kids and they all live together. Usually I buy him a present from the kids, and considering his partner has been a positive influence in my kids life I was going to get her a present too from the kids to say thanks, or a joint couple present for the both of them. But then I was thinking that it's not right to go to their house at drop off with presents for both of them from my kids while her kids watch on (2 under 10 but older than my 2, old enough to notice, young enough to not understand) and feel left out so I feel like i should get them something too to keep it fair but I also don't know if thats overstepping or innapropriate?
What do people do here?
I want to get them a present from the kids because I feel like 1. My kids would love to go shopping for presents for them and 2. It's the right thing to do.
But I don't know how well this will be recieved.
13 Replies
You are over thinking it. Kids see there parents receive gifts all the time and don’t necessarily receive something. Even around Christmas. I’d just give the gifts when you drop off/pick up the kids. I wouldn’t make a special trip.
How sweet are you to be thinking of those kids and his partner! I'm sure it won't be overstepping the mark, just a small gift each that your kids help pick out would be OK. It's teaching your kids to see them as part of their family and soon they will be able to do it themselves. If it's not received well that says more about them than you! I wish my partners ex was like you 😂.
I think it is a lovely idea and I think you are helping to foster a great relationship going forward. You are setting an amazing example for your kids and I applaud you for that. If you think you'd like to get the kids a gift then get it from you- I imagine Dad can arrange a gift for the kids from your kids otherwise I don't think you need to get one for them at all if you don't want to.
I think it would be over the top getting a present for the kids also. Yes buy for both but don't make a special trip, just send with your kids.
2 comments have said "don't make a special trip" as though she asked that? Am I going crazy because I read it twice and I see nowhere that says she was thinking of making an extra trip outside of drop off! Really not having a go, it just confused me enough to read it twice because I thought I missed something😂.
Get over your self! People just like to cover all the basis.
Fair enough! I was genuinely confused, no need to be rude.
Haha I thought the same.
Just to clarify I won't be making a special trip (they also only live 10 minutes away from me), I drop the kids off on boxing day so was going to pass on the gifts then, her kids would be there.
What about a family gift?
Maybe a huge box of chocolates or a hamper for everyone to share and perhaps a Christmas DVD the kids, dad and his partner can all watch together?
I just kinda feel like individual gifts are a bit unnecessary or over the top, I'd feel awkward receiving a gift from my partners ex.
So I’ve done this for many years, so that when they give my child a present, it is more an exchange than the other kids watching mine get a present. I get you. So this year I’m not going to bother because, we organise the date of gift exchange and often he hasn’t bothered buying my kid his present yet, so my present just gets put up somewhere, exchange doesn’t even happen, I have never once been thanked by the gf for the gifts, not once in 9 years, as for the ex, he doesn’t know what the word thank you is, my child generally gets very shitty presents, sometimes the small gift I get for their kids is better than what mine gets from his own father, they showed me this year, the pair of them, with high school next year for her child and mine, that my child is an afterthought and only to be used when convenient and they don’t consider his interests at all. So.....I would say do it, see how it pans out. I’ve never talkedbadly of them, but my son is starting to see who they really are and when my ex does something selfish, I’m call him out now and my son sees that.
I am a step mum and I have been for 6 years.. my husband and I have a 5 year old daughter and 6 month old baby.. I’m the one who buys the gifts for everyone, my husband is busy.. last year my step kids mother had a partner and a at the end of the year baby so we got a gift for the kids to give to each of them, tbh I didn’t even consider how they would take it, I just thought my step kids would love to do it. We never heard anything from their mother but My husband has always received a gift from the kids from their mothers house but this year they come home with a joint gift for my husband and I and a gift for both our babies.. So I’m guessing it was received well enough 🤷🏼♀️
I think it is lovely that you are thinking of her children. I would definitely buy them each a small present from your kids or maybe a shared present, like a board game or something for outdoors like a slip n slide.
Maybe ask your ex if it would be okay to buy his Stepkids a present from your kids, I am sure both he and their mum would be fine with it
I’d just do it. They’re a blended family and one day may legally be siblings. I’d just write on the tag- To “x”, love from “your child 1” and “your child 2”
It’s nice to feel included and I think it’s a beautiful gesture on your part
I lived with my Dad growing up and he’d always buy a gift for my Mum and grandparents from me, and then later when he remarried, my Mum returned that courtesy to my Stepmum and step siblings