Long story short. The father of 2 of my children gave up 50/50 custody and moved interstate. This whole situation is becoming increasingly difficult for my children to deal with (and for me and my current partner) my question is. Can I take him to court and have him move back and have 50/50 custody?
21 Replies
No. Unfortunately you nor the courts can force a father to spend time with their children. Sucks for the kids but they’ll get used to it after a while.
No you can't. He still gets his kids if he wants but it won't be 50/50 you'll have to negotiate a new plan.
nope, the courts won’t force someone to move back and they won’t force him to spend time with the kids. You’d be waisting a lot of money to achieve nothing.
That's a bit sad, sounds like you or your partner are not liking having them full time. Sucks that Dad has moved away but you can't just force him back to 50/50 because it's too stressful. Every parent should be prepared to take on their kids 100% of the time if need be.
You have no idea what the situation is with other kids, needs, space, conflict, and why the kids are struggling. Change is hard especially if it's sudden and the kids didn't ask for it. It should be ok for a mum to admit this is hard going without being judged.
Different commenter, they’re her children, not the dogs.
If you are married, then you don’t have your kids 50/50, it’s not even an option and you don’t ship them off to grandparents if you have more. I’m a single mum with 100 percent care, I find this post disturbing and new partners should also not have any impact on you parenting your kids. I hate the situation where new families make the old kids displaced, it’s not right.
Also, what kind of parent would he be if he was forced back?
What impact would it have on the kids knowing mum took dad to court to force him to be their dad?
Probably psychologically worse than dad just leaving.
Dad left plus mum doesn’t want us full time.
Oh there it is 'we don't get our kids part time' so youve got no clue just judgement. Every parent is allowed to ask for help in sorting out support and arrangements without some idiot saying she's talking about dogs.
No, you cannot force someone to move back and retake up 50/50 custody. You can however give him your children so he has 100% care. Be careful what you wish for. I’d love my ex to move back to our home town and have his children every weekend but he won’t. But I cannot make him do this. If your partner can not handle it that’s on him. What if your ex died. What would you do then. You’d work on it.
there is obviously more to this story. the short answer is no. you can't force him back and to resume 50/50. the kids will learn from this and creat thier own view.
I think as mums we always draw the short straw, we can't move away because dads need visitation, but they can leave when ever. I hope the new partner doesn't hav an issue with your kids as parents we are a package deal even when the goal posts moved
I was a kid in this scenario, dad moved away to play happy families with someone else and essentially forgot we existed. My mum became extremely resentful, it was us kids that copped the brunt of that resentment. I can tell you now, when a kid feels like dad doesn't want them and mum just got stuck with them - that kills their self esteem.
Your kids don't need you court ordering their father back because you're struggling, aside from the fact you've got Buckley's of that actually happening, have a think about the reality of how damaging that forced relationship would be for your kids.
Your kids need you to pick up the slack. It's not fair and probably won't be easy on anyone but you've gotta take accountability because who else will?
If your kids are struggling emotionally with the adjustment, get them some counselling.
If you're struggling with the adjustment, get yourself some support systems in place.
If finances are straining under the new arrangements, hit your son of a bitch ex up for as much damn child support as you're entitled to, maybe even get some advice from a financial counsellor.
If your partner has an issue with having your kids around full time, he either needs to find a way to become good with it or he has to go. The last thing you or the kids need during this transition is him being difficult.
You said what I couldn’t put into words!! Awesome response x
Well done on providing some awesome words of wisdom and advice.
Thank you! I just felt as though offering a child's perspective may be a helpful insight. Though, I can also see OP is a bit overwhelmed with this situation so I hope that she gets enough support too!
Yes but it's hard. Look up relocation orders!
Really? I had no idea.
Mediation to arrange new care schedule yes but not 50/50... it’s a waste of time and money and it won’t make him resume 50/50. Move on and take the solo gig each day as it comes. If your child is in any way finding this difficult I highly recommend counselling. He will process it in his own time but it’s up to you to get him help to do so. Rough I know and seems like you are in a hard spot adjusting. That’s OK and you’ll make it. Hope you find enough support to see you through.
Wow - not at any point did I say my kids were any inconvenience to me or my partner. If it were up to me I would have them 100% and so would their step father. Lots of people jumping to conclusions here. The issue is the inconsistency and my kids not dealing well with their father coming and going as he pleases very well. My daughter spends days in tears because she can’t understand why dad doesn’t want to be around. It is heart breaking to deal with I won’t stop their father from seeing them (and fix the inconsistancy) because that’s not fair on my kids. And because I’m just not that kind of person. At no point did I say my partner and I are not loving having them, they are OUR children and he is a visitor.
Sure... not at all how it comes across but if you say so...maybe you want to reword what you’ve written because it does sound like you’re resentful of having to be the full time parent and so is your partner.
If you were really that concerned then you would stop it, until he either commits to a consistent schedule or takes off for good. Trust me, as someone who was the child in this situation it’s far better for him to be completely out of the picture than to just show up whenever he feels like it. Him messing them around with the inconsistency is a lot more unfair to them - and my mother doing this to me is one of the reasons I have massive trust issues and had a string of destructive relationships before I went to therapy and then met my husband.
Forcing him to have them won’t solve anything either. It will just make him resentful, and the kids will resent both him for being the dick he is and you for forcing it.
This post screams of power and control, otherwise known as abuse or DV. If it is of such enormous importance for to you to have your children close enough to your ex so he can have 50/50 care of them why don’t you consider relocating?
Before you or anyone else chooses to tell me how ridiculous this idea is, how unfair that you should be forced to do something that you don’t want to do by anyone much less an ex, I agree. The issue is that you’re ok with it so long as it’s in your favour
I don’t know the full story obviously but regardless, using children as a tool to control someone’s choices is abusive behaviour
I don't know whether you can force it. My only suggestion would be to accept it that he isn't going to come back and then have family and separate counselling for the kids to work through that. I completely understand how hard the inconsistency is for kids to understand as they internalise it and feel it is their fault that their dad or parent doesn't love them. I think if you can give them the coping skills for situations where they are let down by a loved one then you are setting them on the right path for coping later in life. Hope that helps and sorry to hear you're in such a hard position!