my partner of 8 years has recently told me he is no longer in love with me . he says he doesnt feel the same anymore and feels numb. He doesnt feel bad about his decision . he only feels bad that he will lose his "best friend". we have lived to together for the past 3 years and have 2 children between us. He is my absolute best friend and when the relationship is good its amazing. i suffer from anxiety and in the last couple of months it has absolutely sky rocketed and i find myself on edge alot of the time and questioning him in his behaviours and where hes been etc. even though i havent had any reason to suspect anything. He has become quite distant. We are now sleeping in seperate rooms. he doesnt want to be near me and dreads coming home. i am in the process of moving out. we have had this happen before where we split for a few months then found our way back to each other. So i believe the love is still there somewhere its just been overcome by outside stressors and by life in general. He says if anything is to ever happen again then he wants it to be natural and not forced. We used to live apart and he said he was happier when we both had our own spaces. i love this man with all my heart and he is truly my best friend. Imagining a life without him just breaks my heart . and i know i will never be able to truly just be his friend without wanting anything more. i guess im just wanting to know if anyone else has been through anything similar. and come out the other side back together. did you find your way back together after having time apart and having your own space for a while. does distance make the heart grow fonder? have you fallen back in love with the same person again? i guess im just hoping that once im out maybe he will remember all of the positive qualities from our relationship and reach out to me :(.
4 Replies
Falling out and in love happens but it will never work unless you address the underlying problems in the relationship.
This separating and getting back together stuff just creates instability and anxiety for the kids. Sometimes you just have to make the tough call and call it a day for the best interests of everyone.
If breaking up is his answer to problems, rather than communicating, it won’t work.
Also, I know what it’s like having anxiety, with him, you will have a life of it.
You need someone who sees you worth it, to go through the hard stuff, not someone who just bails.
Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, live separate but still be in a relationship.
If that’s what he really wanted, he should have laid the ground rules at the beginning and you could have chosen to accept that or move on to a more serious partner.
You deserve better.
I think a relationship that works by needing time apart then coming back together to realise you need space and time apart is probably not the right relationship.
Because there are kids involved, I would ask him to put the work into either making it work (can do this from separate houses IF therapist agrees but not by dating others)
Set yourself the goal that it will be worked on and worked out or ended and that that will be final. It either works or doesn't and coming and going and living with uncertainty about if they'll be back or not and when, repeatedly, is not something you can put children through. And yourself.
If he won’t weather a storm with you - why would you sit in Hope he will come back?
Let him go. If he is only attracted to you when you don’t need him. He is not a life partner he is a only good time Charlie.
You deserve more. You deserve a guy who sees your anxious and says “how can I help or what do you need from me” not I’m out!
Sweetheart good luck! Fill your cup! And when it’s full again ignore his advances. Because you never want to be in this place with him again when going gets tough.
Good luck x