Hi, so I have been at home with the kids on and off for the past (almost) 5 years. Hubby decided I had to go back to work as we needed the money. That's fine. So I stay looking for jobs and looking into daycare for 3yo and oshc for the 5yo and 8yo. He says no, I'm not paying for that, or spending a fortune on vacation care, he does not want his son in daycare. I tried discussing different options with him to minimise daycare / oshc costs, but he was having none of it. His job is too important apparently and he doesn't have time to help with the kids. So anyway I found a nightfill job, that fits in perfectly around the family. However I'm working 7pm -12am 5 nights a week!! By the time I get home from work, and shower, I'm in bed by 1am, but then it takes my brain another hour to wind down and fall asleep. I told him before I took this job that I would need a lot of help around the house, as I usually get the bulk of the housework down at night so there's no kids hindering me and I'm usually busy during the day with kids stuff already. He promised me everything I asked for. Anyway, I've been in the job almost 6 months and he does the bare minimum around the house! I also them have to get up at 6am, to get all the kids dressed, hair brushed, teeth brushed, bags packed and ready for school. I'm also so angry and resentful because he spends all night on the couch watching Netflix, drinking beer, then complains in the morning about how tired he is. I'm getting 4 hours sleep a night!! And he's freaking tired?? If I mention to him that I'm really tired, he just laughs in my face and says 'yeah, because your job is so hard', or if I say I had a bad night at work for whatever reason he scoffs and says 'at least you work in air-con' (He works outside). I am so absolutely, freaking, exhausted!!!! I am surviving on minimum sleep. How can I make him understand how fuc*ing tired I am because I'm getting 4 hours sleep a night?? I feel he is being so bloody rude, ungrateful, unappreciative, and a lazy ass!! And it's making me so bloody angry and resentful to him.
6 Replies
You can't do this. I want to tell you to leave this sorry excuse for a man but I know that may be because he reminds me of my ex who also used to completely dismiss my work and not help out, he loved the extra money though.
Nobody can survive long term on 4 hours of sleep a night, not healthily and happily anyway. You need to tell him straight, he needs to get the kids ready in the mornings and do house work at night or you will be quitting your job.
Nightfill is hard work.. and 4 hours a night isn’t sustainable 5 nights a week!
Your headed for a massive breakdown or blow up!
You need to nip his bad attitude in the bud now. Maybe put your pay into a seperate account. Let him have access to it when he delivers on his end of the deal!
You can’t win with guys like this. You do what you want, or what they say they want and they just move the goal posts.
He wanted you to get a job, but only if it doesn’t impact him. Of course it was going to impact him. What an ass!
Sorry I hate to say it, but this relationship is doomed.
He helps or he pays someone to do his fair share.
My suggestion is, pack yourself up and go away for a weekend. Leave him with the children and do not answer your phone. Maybe he might actually understand how hard it is doing your very important job as a mother aswell as working
Look after yourself! I agree with the other commenter, your heading for a breakdown! 4 hours sleep 5 days a week is not enough! He needs to help or you can't keep working (not doing night fill anyway).