Hi sisterhood - strange question but I’ve noticed some odd behaviour in my friend for awhile and wondered if I’m reading too much into it, or if she is in fact playing with fire.
I’ll call this friend Jane. Jane is single and In her early 30s. Jane has commitment issues with men and will often self sabotage relationships, Jane also has a tendency to fall fast with men within days of meeting them claiming “they are the one” moves them in then 3 months later calls it off, kicks them out and moves onto the next guy. Jane has recently befriended a married man, (this isn’t a new thing but something I’ve now been witness to) befriending married men is ok but there are boundaries you do not cross. Just the other day I noticed Jane and (I’ll call him Paul) sitting closely at the bar with her arms around his neck giggling and laughing, something told me it wasn’t innocent on her part, she was quite clearly flirting with him. Jane loves the attention of men and people have been whispering recently that Jane is a home wrecker and this has happened many times before, where mutual friends have distanced themselves because of her behaviour with woman telling her to stay away from their husbands etc. I’ve brought this up before but she’ll deflect and say “such n such is making up stores etc” I’d like to give my friend the benefit of the doubt but there are too many instances now and I feel I need to say something. She is the type of woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants, I’ve seen this within her friendships, work etc. how do I approach this? Do I even have the right to say something? I feel like slapping some sense into her, how does she not see that her behaviour is wrong!? Just for the record I am friends with people of the opposite sex, that’s not my issue.
9 Replies
Jane obviously likes the attention. I'm not sure what you can do besides telling the wives if you know who they are.
God how could you even sit by and be friends with such a dirty home wrecking slut!? Tell her what she is and suggest she gets some help from a psychologist!
I don't think that's called for. All this woman is guilty of that the OP knows of is getting a bit too friendly with a married man. She has no proof of anything else. Names are uncalled for.
It's not names...it's the truth! She is a dirty slut!
I love how Jane is the dirty homewrecking slut, yet there's not a single comment about the disgusting behaviour of all these MARRIED MEN.
For the record, I don't condone Jane's behaviour. It is immoral but it takes two to tango. She's not out here single handedly ruining marriages!
Sounds like all these women telling Jane to stay away from their men need to worry a little less about Jane's behaviour and a little more about their husband's abilities to be faithful.
Geez love triggered much?? Careful before you are so quick to judge one of your girlfriends might be doing the same. Shame never changed someone’s behaviour, love however...
Jane quite obviously has some self esteem issues! Women who desperately seek attention from men like this quite often hate themselves so deeply that their entire self worth is based on the sexual validation they get from men. That's quite heartbreaking when you think about it!
She does NOT need to be told what a home wrecking slut she is (can't believe we're still using terms like slut in this day and age - absolutely foul)!
You really have 2 choices.
You too can distance yourself if her behaviour conflicts too heavily with your own moral code. That's okay if you feel you need to do that for your own sanity, I imagine this puts you in quite a moral dillema.
Or, you can choose to support Jane. You can continue to be the friend she undoubtedly needs. You don't need condone or enable this behaviour but you don't have to cut her off, judge her and gossip about her like everyone else seems to be doing.
She sounds like the only person she values is herself. Gross. Walk away.
Perhaps she’s looking for love and acceptance but in the wrong way. If she’s being distanced by her other friends who does she have to turn to?
I was wondering, you said that women had told her to stay away from their men. What was her reaction, did she listen to them or did they continue?