Bit of background... My partner and I have been together 4.5 yrs. I would say we have a pretty good relationship. Usual ups and downs of life but he is sweet, caring, helps around the house, has been a father to my kids, good sex life... well you get the drift. Any way his phone went off while he was in the shower and it was an Instagram message from a girl. I know I shouldn't have but I clicked on it and noticed they had exchanged a few messages. She had no photos on her page at all and he was asking if she is still training at the gym, she said yes and he asked for a photo. She sent back I don't send photos and then they added each other on snap chat. I then scrolled down to find another message with a different girl. The message started because he had asked her to keep him up to date about something that was happening at the bathurst 1000 race. He then said to her 'a girl who like cars like me lol'. He then wrote that he will be at bathurst, they should catch up for a beer. She replied ' I don't drink' and it was left at that. What do I do? How do I approach this? Before seeing these messages I had 100% trust in him, are these just harmless messages or is it something more? We have just finished planning a romantic weekend away, something we do fairly often, we've talked about marriage and plans for our future. What do I do? I was with a man for 10 years who I never thought would cheat on me and he did, I honestly thought it was different this time though but I don't want to be fooled again!!
8 Replies
I could easily have conversations like this with other men. It would not be sinister. Maybe just talk to your husband/boyfriend
I can understand why you’d be suspicious, it’s the suggestion of meeting up with a stranger. Just seems off to me.
I think you should have talk to your partner.
If these were messages from a guy, chatting about one's gym progress, supercars and catching up for a beer wouldn't even register as an issue.
So I don't really think the topics of discussion are overly suspicious in my opinion. However...
I really hate speculating on these kind of posts, because it's so hard to say whether it's just friendly conversation or potentially flirtatious and inappropriate without knowing his personality, without knowing if there's any other behaviour that's ringing alarm bells, without knowing the context of these convo's, without knowing the dynamics of your relationship and the dynamics his other relationships/friendships have.
I think you just need to be honest with him and just say "I saw a few messages on your phone from a couple of women. I know that looking through your phone was an invasion of your privacy and I'm sorry about that. Do I have anything to worry about with these girls though?".
Yes, I’d need a lot more detail and context before forming an opinion.
I have these convos with men and women.
I’d be really suss about this. Why ask for a picture of the chick?
He is asking strangers, women, for pics and a drink, I'd be very worried! If he hasn't already cheated, he is definitely going down the path of wanting to cheat. I would 100% be bringing this up..
Red flags waving!! Why would you ask for photos of another woman??. Reverse the roles, how would he feel if you were asking a random guy for photos and a drink. At least the girl seems decent fending him off, not interested by the sounds of it.
This sounds exactly like the life I lived not long ago. Sadly, it progressed and yes, I was right, our relationship was over. From experiencing similar to what your going through, I would definitely confront him, and don’t expect him to be honest to you. I know it’s bloody hard, but It’s not right what your partner is doing and it will most probably get worse. Only you know how u are going to deal with this. Goodluck hun & stay strong, however u choose to deal with it, everything will work out in the end xo