Sometimes my partner has these few days in a month as if he had his period, and for some odd reason it's seems to be always October!/November rod the year where he is soooo moody (maybe because his sport is on a break?) ... And I find it quite difficult to sometimes not get hurt. I've been told it's always a choice about what you let offend you and what you don't. But he has sometimes these days in a month we're he is absolutely lazy. I would clean the house and he would basically stomp back through it with his boots on. This is very unusual to me because he is normally helping out very well. I do all the housework at home and we share the cooking. He in exchange has to do the yard work.
The yard looks so overgrown that I got into it the other day. I have also spend all weekend removing rubbish that came with the house that he wanted to get cleared for a few years now.
I shouldn't expect anything but a little 'well done' would have felt so great but instead, he comes home, helps me rake 1 m2 for three minutes, watches me the rest of the time (I've been at it for 8hours) and when I presented family my garden he goes 'well excuse you I helped as well, you always just say you you, when it's us doing it' I just agreed and was quite frustrated putting all this afford in and not even allowed to take a bit of credit for it.... I dropped our broken machinery in today and got it fixed. I proudly told him about it since that should have been his job, but I just said its all done.... 'how much' he goes.. And i said not that much 'probably for free hey since u know your mates there'.... No it wasn't for free it cost $60... So he said if I had a receipt to proof that... And no he didn't even look at the receipt after I showed him, he just grinned at me... I'm sorry but why is it so hard to just say well done thanks?
I eventually said that I have enough of his mood all week. No credit given and always making me feel like it's not enough of what I'm doing... He of course said that he has gave me a big thanks towards my jobs and I just didn't hear them and that I should just stop being such a sook.
I'm sorry but I feel belittled.i can't even express what's disturbing me without being called a sook or a whinger. Do you think I'm being a sook that's just looking for attention or is it normal to wanting to receive something nice to hear even if it's the place you share together? I give it a week and he will be back to his normal self and all nice... And no he is not on drugs or anything, he is just such a mood bundle when the moon doesn't sit right and I find it difficult to deal with it.... It's just whenever I say what I've done, he replies with what he has done as if it's a competition and I don't know how to respond to that.
Edit : I don't actively tell him 'this was meant to be your job' it's a simple him coming home and me presenting what I did. No attacking in any sense just showing him what I got done today. Never saying 'I did this for you/this is normally your job'.... I work full time, run my own business, look after all the housework, contribute to all the cost and I don't know why it seems like sometimes as if I'm a thorn in his eye. I thought it was his sport, that he may needs that to get his dissatisfaction out but he says he is fine, no issues. He just is sometimes that way and I believe it has to do with work to but I praise him all the time and he can't remember any of that. But as soon as I am looking for a tiny shoulder tap, there is no feedback, just a back answer to what he did in the past year
6 Replies
Honestly I think everyone has off days. If he's in a mood, ask if he'd prefer get out, or have you go out, or have a day where you binge Netflix etc. Maybe ask him what would be helpful to him when he is stressed on a good day so that he is able to give you a real answer.
Everybody has off days, but if it’s the same time every year that he is off obviously something is setting him off. If this was your best friend or brother that was having a difficult time would you be so harsh? Have you asked him what’s wrong, if there is anything you can do? Ect. Saying things like he is just in a bad mood because the moons don’t line up or his sport isn’t on is as shitty as saying females have bad bays because they must be on their periods
Have you considered that you making a big deal about having done all this stuff is just simply rubbing him the wrong way or even making him feel bad?
I mean, if I notice that my partner has just taken the initiative to do something that needs doing without him making it into a big thing. I feel appreciative and I'll let him know that I see his effort and hard work.
But there's been a few times where he's made a point of doing my "jobs" that I didn't get around to out of principle (or even spite) when he knows I was tired or too busy. He'd be like "I did the washing for you" or "did you see I did that thing for you?" . It feels kind of passively vindictive and it doesn't exactly inspire gratitude because it feels like he did those things to make me feel guilty for not doing them, not because he was just trying to be helpful.
Does that make sense?
So maybe you need to have a think about if you're being met with his reactive attitute because he feels a bit attacked.
Thank you. I understand what you are saying but I don't actively tell him 'this is meant to be your job' he would simply come home and I will say 'doesn't it look grrat' and he is more pissed off than happy... I would udnerstand what you mean if I was syaing 'I did this for you/I did this even though it's your job' but I didn't... I simply said 'I done this, look'
My hubby has moments like this and I find he will never actually tell me what's wrong, just keeps being a grump.
Lately I have found something that works, and simply tell him, if you are feeling down and you dont want to talk to me about it, you need to go for a run, get it out of your system.
Seems to work a treat! He goes for a run and comes home full of fresh air and seems to have worked through things in his head!
Have you asked him why he is like this?
Has something happened around this time of year that could be triggered?
Like us men do have off periods also. I would just say I really don't like when you become this person, and how can I help? Sometimes it would be nice if you took notice of the things I have helped you out with.