Here’s some back ground
My ex husband and i broke up about 8 years ago. I had a fling it was
With a ex.I was in a really dark place ( had a daughter die at a few days old) and he was a alcoholic gambler who would disappear for days. I didnt feel loved wanted. Or appreciated.
The fling was a online one at first sexting that stopped as hubby found out. About a year or so later he txt out of no where and I was struggling again just had a shut holiday where his family made it clear they didn’t like me or our kids.
I decided to go overseas as I had never been and he said let’s meet up. Hubby found out just after I got home and we were over.
About 4 years ago he came for a visit to see our 2 children and never left. We have been sleeping in seperate rooms.
When he first came to visit he was on ice. I told him that it’s not welcome in my house so you either stop or go. He chose to stop and I supported him through it.
So 4 years later he’s still here.
The other night he went out to a mates and this chick was there who had booty called him but he claims nothing happened as she was too drunk and he don’t sleep with them straight away.
Any way Tuesday night we were talking and I said how he really hurt me with what he did as I have not even looked at another man since he moved in.
He said well I think I want to work it out with you but every time I do I just can’t get over that fling you had. It kills me that you done this.
I said and always will I regret the fling and I will never ever do it again. He said he still loves me as a mum and as me and wants to move forward but that keeps hitting him.
I asked is there a chance we can work it out and he said yes but it’s slim.
What do I do hold on to hope we can work it out or do I say no way hit the road I want you out so I can move on?
6 Replies
Just go straight to couples counselling, this is such a headfu** and would be for the kids too. You both sound like very toxic people and it’s hard to come back from that stuff
I'm going to be honest with you. This whole dynamic sounds quite dysfunctional.
You guys clearly love each other but I think too much has transpired to ever make a healthy, functional relationship work.
Love each other enough to recognise that you guys don't do well in a romantic relationship.
Love each other enough to create some separation in order to move on.
Love each other enough to focus on a positive co parenting relationship.
If you guys do decide to try and work things out, I actually think living separately would be a good idea anyway just so you both have some space. You're also going to need extensive professional help.
I think it’s for you to go get counselling. It’s time to learn some healthy coping mechanisms so when you are in a ‘dark place’ you don’t act out in unhealthy ways.
It’s also time for him to find another place to live. He isn’t your partner and you and he need some healthy boundaries so you can both move on in healthy ways.
You both sound like a bad combination it’s time to let each other go.
No. I think it will tarnish everything going forward and will be something that’s forever an excuse for poor behaviour.
I'm confused!! Who are you with, a husband or an ex? Who are your kids to? Either way all this does sound toxic and dysfunctional as already mentioned.
This sounds like a mess.
It's time to move on. If nothing has been worked out in 4 years, it's not going to be worked out. He needs to leave, you're both toxic. Kids needs stability, this doesn't sound stable.