My husband & I were married for 7 years & together for over 12.
He had an affair during our second pregnancy & ultimately our marriage ended.
For the past 2 years he’s had very little involvement in our lives (100% his choice) whilst he’s been on/off again with this girl. (I say girls as she’s 10 years younger) At a visit with our daughter, without my knowledge he’s introduced our daughter to ‘his friend’.
I wholeheartedly know it takes 2 to tango but I’m struggling to know how I’ll cope with having someone I honestly detest around my children when she was well aware they existed. It’s hard enough to co-parent with my husband.
I hate my husband for what he did to me & our children & feel on top of losing my husband & my little family unit I now am expected to continue to suck it up even more so. I don’t know how I can continue putting on a brave face when I’m so broken on the inside.
How Do I be the bigger person?
How Do I be the bigger person?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
7 Replies
This would be painful for me too if it were me and I was still actually in love with my ex . You say you hate him for it , but you still love him underneath , that's why seeing them still causes you so much pain .
As for his new chick, don't waste you energy on hating her because she owes you nothing. He was the one who broke your marriage, not her .
Its going to take time . Sometimes years , to get over the betrayal he caused ( not her ) . It's a process of emotions from disbelief , anger, sadness , then acceptance. You are in stage two atm and each stage has no time frame. Sometimes you might even switch between stages until finally all emotion is totally gone. You cant rush the natural process. Just acknowledge the feelings as you pass through them, feel them , then let them go . Until finally they are all gone . It will happen . In it's natural time. You just have to bear with it until .
If this is the person that he has chosen to be with for the past two years then you need to expect that she will be apart of your children’s lives. It’s not fair but it is what it is. He has chosen to not be a big part of their lives and that’s all on him. I would definitely suggest speaking to a professional in regards to your anger towards him. It’s time to move on from these feelings and be happy
It’s been two years you need to get past this. Who he introduces his daughter to during his time after dating said person for that long is really isn’t your business. Don’t be that ex that can’t/won’t let go of your ex
A friend of mine had a very similar thing happen and she turned very spiteful and was publicly out to get him and ruin his life. It was so exhausting for her... and everyonr tbh. I am surprised the new girl hasn't been introduced to your daughter sooner to be honest.
I think there comes a point where you have to put your feelings aside. Yes he is a massive arsehole for what he did to you and karma will eventually come around and bite him on the arse. But it's time to focus on you and your kids, heal all those wounds, don't let yourself think or even care about his new girlfriend. To be the bigger person, you have to let go. It's never going to be easy to see an ex with someone else, especially the person who is the reason the relationship ended. But you have to remember those were all his choices and it's basically all his fault (not hers) but count yourself lucky that he left when he did because you clearly deserve better then a cheating scum
I know what you're saying. Co parenting and meeting new partners can be hard under even the best circumstances but when the new partner is the woman who played a part in the breakdown of your marriage, that stings and it's going to make things harder, on you particularly.
You're allowed to feel hurt, don't let anyone make you feel like you're not!
Some counselling probably would be ideal.
A certain amount of acceptance is needed too.
You can also hold your head high knowing your integrity is intact, these two have to live with the fact their relationship is built on betrayal and infidelity.
They deserve each other, you deserve to be happy. Remember that xx
At the end of the day you have to realise that now you're split he will father how he does life, and you will mother how you do life, and because you can see what's right and wrong for your kids, you'll be the stable one. The reliable one. The one that takes care of their security and wellbeing. It sucks to have a coparent doing less, but at the end of the day, you'll do you and it will pay off for your kids.
You suck it up in front of your kids but otherwise you yell n scream that shit out. Trash talk with your friends, and get yourself a damn good therapist! This time of year is particularly hard, go for extra sessions.
If he happens to have the kids, arrange to do something you’ll really enjoy, and have been dying to try but couldn’t because of the kids