I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months or so. Its very complicated he has promised he will leave his partner when he returns from a trip he had to go on with her and his mates. I've been very patient and tolerant to it all. I cant explain everything as the story goes forever. My heads telling me to get out and run and my heart says keep pushing through. He has hurt me twice now by telling me he cant do it anymore and then comes straight back. I have kids and he doesnt and its taking a tole on me massively. Ive never felt this way in my life. I dont understand myself where the feelings even came from. Just kinda slapped us in the face.. im very anxious about writting on here but hoping for some personal stories and advice maybe.. im just really worried its gonna back fire on me and i wont be able to handle it. Im not a needy person and i dont need a man in my life to complete me. But this guy is different. I never realised there was a piece of me missing until he came along. And now i cant be without him. He says the same. His never felt this way about someone in his life and he wants to be together. But im very cautious.
26 Replies
Uh nope! Get out of there. You can do without him and if you ignore all those flags now you'll be kicking yourself down the line. and I mean seriously regretting what it's done to you.
He will not leave his partner. You are just a piece on the side and he will drag you through the mud for as long as he can or until he gets sick of you or caught. I was you, waited for three years and it never ever got better, it destroyed me from the mind games and the heart break and took me years to get over. I broke it off and met someone who deserves me. Good luck babe, choose yourself.
I have never slept with him. I refuse to. U sound like me. And scares the shit out of me to say no more. I will be the first to admit. In all this i lost myself and who i am. And struggle massively to get back on my feet. I was a strong and independant woman and nothing got to me. But this is different. I never ever saw myself in a situation like this and its terrible..
Then you have a clean break. Just go before you dig yourself in deeper. The Futher it goes the worst the outcome when it does end. You end up not recognising yourself because your trick yourself into thinking that it's ok, that his way is the right way and before you know it the whole thing escalates to a point where you no longer have control
You have to see the dynamic of the situation is whats making it feel that way. A real good thing may not feel this exciting and starcrossed, but it will be right. You'll be treated right and it will be real and lasting. This won't.
He’s using you and not going to leave his wife and you’re a piece of crap for getting involved with a man in a relationship and I hope karma bites you on the arse. And if you haven’t even slept together your relationship is nothing. If he was going to leave her he would have already. But you won’t listen to any of this. I hope his wife finds out and gets rid of him like the piece of crap he is.
It's going to back fire on you. He's not you're missing piece, he's already insomeone else's puzzle, you can get on without him. Don't be the other woman... Don't be the back stop to his current relationship. You deserve better.
Um, hell no! You know this is wrong and he is PLAYING YOU!
He doesn’t have kids, so you know there is no good reason for him to not be splitting with his ex.
This is classic ‘cheater’. He is telling you what you want to hear. You may have genuine feelings, he does not! Someone who genuinely had feelings for you would not treat you this way.
Girl, you're the "other woman", there's no good to come out of this relationship whatsoever.
Kick his bitch ass to the curb!!! Because best case scenario he does leave his current partner but your relationship will probably be plagued with trust issues and chances are that down the track, you'll be the one he plans to dump for someone else.
There is nothing complicated about this situation. Don’t play into his stories!
I left my ex of 13 years for someone else. I've now been with that someone else for 15 years. The difference with me though is that I was already out of love with the ex and I was staying for the sake of our kids. I had also told the ex we were over anyway, even though we were still living together . In your case I don't feel like hes told his partner he doesnt love her, because if he did , he'd have gotten out by now himself instead of stringing you both along.
Don’t be that person, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day.
It’s not complicated, no matter what he says, it’s real simple, don’t let his words muddy the water.
He is emotionally cheating on his partner and you are complicit in that cheating.
You walk away and tell him to come and see you when he is single.
He either wants you or he doesn’t.
Respect yourself and he will respect you too.
Draw that firm line in the sand, so if you ever end up together, there is clarity around what is acceptable and unacceptable to you.
Personally, for me, he has shown who he is, so I wouldn’t want him.
This is a person on holidays with his significant other, sleeping in the same bed, looking her in the eye, lying, day in and day out.
Lying about where he has been, who he is texting, what’s on his mind.
Someone who ca be that two faced, cannot be trusted.
If you were him, could you do that to your partner, day in day out?
Just because you can’t see her, doesn’t mean she doesn’t exist.
It’s easy to dismiss things when they are someone you don’t know, put a face to her, pretend it is your best friend, your daughter, your sister.
Sit with that thought for a while and consider your next move.
Don’t allow him to turn you into someone you aren’t. I can tell by your post that you aren’t that woman, don’t let him bring you down into the mud where he lives, you don’t belong there.
I wish you strength and happiness xxxx
He's in a committed relationship, seeing you on the side, promising to break up with his real girlfriend /wife but going on holidays with her. A) you are causing heartache to others by choosing to become involved with a man who is in a relationship b) the fact that you're willing to do this means he won't respect you c) if he has no kids with her and wanted to be with you he would be d) if he wanted to be with you he wouldn't have already ended it numerous times in such a short period of time e) if he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you. Get out and start thinking about others when faced with a decision between right and wrong... If for no other reason than it will keep the drama out of your life.
Why would you go near him in the first place if he has a partner?
When I was a single mum I was seeing a guy, I found out he was married so I ended it! He fed me all the bullshit of how unhappy they are and he was trying to leave. They were about to buy a house together and had just been on a romantic holiday together, he wasn't going anywhere! See through it. If he wanted to leave his partner he would have done it already. He has no kids what on earth would be making him stay if he didn't want to be there? Walk away and stay away from married men.
He sounds like a real catch ! Your smart do the kids a favour and walk ! This will never end well and he is a cheater really do you want that bad energy he has shown you what he is see it for what it is , I feel sorry for his partner I hope she has the guts to dump this sloth , I am not blaming you as I see men lie initially I was cheated on and it hurt for years even after I told him to get out these men are empty inside what do you really think you will get out of this ! Put your mental energy back into your kids as its draining their life cup
I thank each and every one of u for messaging and giving me advice. I understand the situation and what it involes and whats at stake.. and whats right and wrong.. bless you all xo
Looking forward to an update that you've left him to it. Hopefully also he becomes single and making an effort for you.
I don't mean this harshly, but if you understand right from wrong, have your actions and decisions reflect that. You will find life gets easier.
I’ve made this mistake before. I thought it was love, he was the light of my life, and beyond connected to each other. In short, I was addicted to him
He constantly said he would leave his wife. I waited... 2 years. Through those two years I had Christmas and birthdays where I came second to her, was constantly hiding and felt like a shit person, and couldn’t progress with anything or make any life decisions because I didn’t ever know what would be around the corner. I felt taken but alone.... in a relationship that I was addicted to but was never fulfilled by.
Turned out, he was never going to leave her. Meanwhile, I was left on the shelf. Something to have when he wanted, but not a permanent fixture in his life. I saw a slither of him, and I was in love with that, but didn’t have the holistic part of his life - friends, home, work, bobbies etc - I had to hide from all that. So, did I ever really know him? Nup
It all ended when she was pregnant with their first child and she found out about me and started calling me and screaming every night, and sending me messages about the damage that caused, and how selfish I was. I woke up to that every morning for 6 months. I never asked her to stop, I deserved to hear it. What she was saying was true and it was a wake up call.
Most shamefully, I had gotten pregnant to him as well. We were having unprotected sex. We planned an abortion. Years later, on reflection I have to wonder if he had done this to see if he could get a woman pregnant, as I have a gut feeling they were struggling to conceive. This thought is soul destroying:
Even years later, this relationship did my heart so much damage. If I had my time over I would have run. It would have avoided a lot of pain for everyone.
BTW, if you proceed whenever you hear women talking about home wreckers etc, your mind will always go to this situation and even if they don’t know, you will have constant reminders of the shame.
No man or relationship is worth it. Plus, do you really want to be with an untrustworthy guy? If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. Look up the statistics on how many of these relationships even survive, it’s a tiny percent!
Pick up your dignity and self respect, home your head high and value yourself enough to not engage with this situation
I’ve read a few of the replies and I hope to hear a positive outcome from this.
He is trying to have his cake and eat it as well. You need to respect yourself and his partner and walk away.
When I say walk away I mean you need a clean break, change numbers, block him on social media, change email address or block his email so you won’t get it.
Walk away and forget him. I would also suggest going to see a psych about how you are feeling so you can regain your independence and self worth again.
You can do it! He is not worth it. Spend all that energy on getting yourself happy and forget him!
I’ve been in a relationship where I was the other woman and felt that he was never going to leave his wife, even though their marriage was to all intents and purposes over. I broke it off and started moving on with my life. Within days he had left his wife. We didn’t get together straight away though as he had things to work out and so did I. Eventually we did and were married and together for several years.
My advice is to leave the relationship. If it’s meant to be, it will, but he needs to sort his own life out independent of you first. You also sound as though you need to get back to the strong independent person that you were.
I am the last person to ever judge someone for their relationships, but I still feel ashamed of the way I behaved when I was younger. It’s my biggest regret, and if I could go back and do things again I would never have engaged in that relationship in the first place. Sometimes we make poor choices based on emotions rather than what we know is rationally the right thing to do. I think your head is already telling you what the right thing to do is, but it’s a hard decision.
I was in a 'relationship' like this for ten years. He mentally and emotionally manipulated me the entire time. I'm an intelligent and educated woman who had experienced enough of life to know well better. But I let it happen. I let it go on for ten years. He eventually left her and moved in with me. And you know what, nine months later he accused me of cheating and got back with his wife. Serves me right. He's a narcissistic scumbag and I fell for it hook Line and sinker and got my ass handed to me after wasting most of my good years waiting for his scummy ass.
Just don't do it. You deserve better, she deserves better and he deserves nothing.
Google: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcs create peptide addictions in your brain. PLEASE RUN< STAY AWAY FROM HIM. Narc's are 100% emotionally and psychologically toxic and damaging. Get educated and go NO CONTACT by blocking him on all levels. Narcs are pathological liars on so many levels.
This is wrong on every level!! I don’t want to be rude but why are you trying to get with someone that is in a relationship? He is clearly using you and you are silly for getting involved with a man that is already in a relationship! Run! Find someone that is SINGLE!
Run!!! If he is doing this to his partner why would it be any different with you down the track, sorry to be harsh but you don’t mean to him what he means to you a real man would leave his partner before starting something with someone new, how would you ever trust him you can do better, you deserve better do t settle for second best!!!
I've done this. For three years I believed because of our love, he would do the right thing by me. I was patient and kind. I know still, now, he loves me. But it was all too hard for him in the end. I was a mess and was not my best self for my own children. I was deeply ashamed of who I was but the feelings were so intense I believed they would work out. Instead it all ended terribly. I still think of him throughout my every day and I hope he will sort his things out and come back to me. But. I wish I'd had the strength to walk away earlier. I loved him, but I didn't need to give him my self respect and dignity. I wish I was sure enough of my own worth to say, "No. This isn't good enough for me." Now? I'm working on that. Focusing on me instead of someone else. He should leap at the chance to be with you. Work on your self worth. I wish I had realised this sooner and shown myself the love and care that I showed him.