Can low self esteem cause bad behaviour in kids?

Anon Imperfect Mum

Can low self esteem cause bad behaviour in kids?

Can low self esteem cause bad behaviour in kids?

I have three boys at home. 16, 13 and 10.
The eldest and youngest are good as gold. Very few issues with either of them. The elder isn’t very sociable, but he’s happy and is no trouble. The youngest is very social and also rarely any trouble.
The middle boy is a whole different kettle of fish.
He refuses to go to school, and when he does go, he’s impudent to teachers, hangs out with known juvenile delinquents, leaves the premises at morning tea or lunch (the school allows this for some reason) and doesn’t return. Hangs out with kids who are all doing the wrong thing. Smoking, swearing and shoplifting. He gets hold of alcohol and weed. They all do.
Most of the time he’s fine at home. Last weekend he wasn’t. I had to work an emergency shift at work, as I often do. Usually no issue. Mr 13 had told his mates I was bringing him to town for a “sesh”. I didn’t. He put his sleeve over his hand and punched a hole in the kitchen window, as he’d lost face with his mates, whom he told he was going to hang out with.
What the heck causes this kind of behaviour? They’re all bought up the same, why is one acting like a jerk?
He’s previously said no one cares about him and he feels unloved, but this little boy is utterly adored. When he’s not acting up, he’s sweet and kind, loves cooking and back rubs and is a good footy player. He refuses to see a counsellor or to have a mentor to give him a positive male role model and I don’t know how to help my boy :(

Posted in:  Behaviour, Teenagers, Drugs & Alcohol, Puberty

3 Replies

Anon Imperfect Mum

Sounds a little like middle child syndrome. You are his mum, and he is 13, if he is behaving badly with his mates - no mates! I'd be finding a good male mentor and organising some outings. If he acts out take away all devices, and he would be paying for that window. It's time to get tough before his behaviour gets worse. Id also be looking at switching schools if behaviour doesn't improve.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Can you get him into headspace or similar?

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Anon Imperfect Mum

I think sometimes the crowd that they hang around with can negatively influence them. I also have three boys (20,17,14) - similar situation to you but it was my first born that was the “rebel”, you would honestly think that they were brought up in different households with different parents sometimes (grrr). He also struggled to conform at school, found trouble, lashed out at home when he wasn’t getting his way - but at other times was the sweetest, most kind generous boy. He found a few teachers that “got him”, but unfortunately it wasn’t enough to keep him interested.
I think you need to address the substance usage, which could explain the moodiness and outbursts?
You mention that he plays footy, I wonder if you could organise a male role model for him without actually “labelling” it that way. Perhaps speak to one of the coaches/managers/other Dads and ask for their help to foster that kind of mentoring relationship - most community minded people that volunteer in positions like that are already the type that care about the wellbeing of young people and would be more than willing to help where they could. Are there any males in his life that could take him on camping (or fishing, skiing ect) weekends? A Granddad, uncle, cousin, neighbour?
Can he get involved with volunteering for the footy club? One of my sons is involved with another sport, which keeps him busy umpiring, cooking the bbq at games, volunteering to help fundraise etc - all of which brings him into contact with positive adult role models.
I would maybe have a chat with some local youth services and see if there are any supports in your area too.
Good luck, know that you aren’t alone in this journey! It’s a tough gig sometimes.

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