My son is 15. His 16 year old girlfriend has left her family home due to her mother being mentally unstable and unable to care for her. She had nowhere to go, no family members capable of taking her in, and her mum tells me today she’s not welcome back. She is temporarily staying with us which I am not keen on. She’s a lovely girl but I work a lot (single mum) and I’m often not home to supervise. I have her staying in a separate bedroom. I also know how sneaky teens can be! When she came to me I contacted her mum straight away and let her know that her daughter was safe at my place. I also contacted the high school today and spoke to the social worker to get this girl some support and work out what we are going to do. Her staying with us can only be short term. But the school phoned me this afternoon and said this is not a new issue, it’s been happening a long time and that her mother has wiped her hands of her daughter and said I need to find her a home if I can’t keep her. The social worker thinks that if I’m capable, she should stay with me long term. I really don’t know what to do. And I don’t know why it’s up to me to find her accomodation. This is a minor child. She has no one and no where to go and I don’t want her to think I don’t want her. She’s already had her own mother practically disown her- I’m just not in the position to care for her permanently. My friends have told me I’m an idiot for taking her in and to tell her to leave and that she’s not my problem. But I can not put a young, vulnerable girl out on the streets with nothing. She only has 1 uniform for school and the bag on her back. Any advice is appreciated. I’m in Country Victoria.
13 Replies
How heart breaking. No real advice here but she may benefit ringing Centrelink and seeing what her options are. She will also need to get some work. I know lots of people that left home at 16 and rented with flatmates, went to school, worked and paid their way. It's hard but they grew up quickly. If she seems responsible this may be an option. But she is not your problem, you could also ring the police and let them know and see what they suggest, maybe another social worker? I'm sorry and Goodluck
Surely it’s the social workers responsibility to find a home for her?
It’s a lot of pressure on a young relationship!
It is certainly an awkward situation. I’d call Docs or Facs.
As a side note, yes teens are sneaky and they’re probably having sex and sleeping in the same room. I’d personally foster than and ensure they have a safe environment to do so where they feel they don’t have to sneak around you :)
As for where she can go, I have no idea but if it were me, I’d let her stay with me only because it sounds like she hasn’t known stability all her life and you’re the chance she needs at a critical time. However, many rules in place!
If you go to your local community centre they will be able to put her into a community home for teens. It’s not ideal and you can be put with some pretty sketchy people but if that’s her only option. I had to go to one when my mother did the same to me at her age. It was either that or keep sleeping at the school behind the gym. She should also go to Centrelink and get all her payments put into her name and her account so that she has means of supporting herself, once those things are sorted she will need to find a part time job
This is such bullshit, the system is so flawed. They don't care about teenagers who are nearly of age because they have bigger fish to fry, that's due to a lack of funding and understaffing. It's utterly infuriating!
When I was in high school a friend of ours came to school and told us that the previous night she was subjected to horific abuse from her dad (that was a lifelong, ongoing thing) and after what she endured he kicked her out. We begged her to talk to a teacher because we were all of the misguided belief that schools just wouldn't turn a blind eye, that they had the means to help. One teacher tried her best but was given the same cop out you got, so that was that. This poor girl i knew bounced around our houses for a few nights at a time but she was quite troubled and wore out her welcome pretty fast, she became homeless and she's had a really tough life.
Some people are just not dealt a fair hand in life, it's really sad...
In saying that, you should not feel obligated to take her in permanently.
Taking on a teenager is not something that should be forced on anyone out of bad circumstances.
There's probably going to come a point where you need to make aome tough choices that are in your family's best interest.
Realistically, this young lass is going to have to become self sufficient (i say this as someone who moved oyt at 16 for similar reasons), so you could probably help her get on the right track.
1. Apply for centrelink payments.
2. Speak to a social worker at centrelink.
3. Apply for public housing/emergency accommodation (she should be old enough to qualify).
4. Charities like Mission Australia, Salvation Army etc may be helpful.
5. Places like Headspace/local youth help places may have some resources too.
I hope it all works out for everyone.
No i don't think it's right. They're too young to handle that and I would be wary of where it will lead your son, and it's a home and safety for the girl but also where it will lead her and if it's really optimal for her, it doesn't seem to be.
Ideally you will be able to find someone else who is willing to take on a 16 year old.
My Bf moved in with me when he was 16 and I was 14, separate rooms too and I fell pregnant. Don't hope they are not sneaking into rooms just put her on the pill and buy condoms. He had also been kicked out and that's why my Mum let him stay, what we failed to tell her is that he was dealing pot and his Mum found out and went ape shit crazy and kicked him out. He continued to sell pot from our house and Mum had no idea. He was just taking advantage of us. Not saying that's what's happening but just giving another side of the 'crazy mum' story, kids are really good at twisting stories around to make sure they look innocent.
I think you should tell her this accommodation is very temporary, even put a time limit on it, I would say 3 months. Help her to organise Centrelink, they will get her to have a meeting with a counsellor because she is now an independent minor and will hopefully point her in the right direction for resources available in your area. They will tell her where to go.
Youth centres would be a good place to start they can point you in the right direction. These days they may be called youth community centres.
I am in this exact position , my son is 15 and his gf 16 came to stay about 4 months ago as she had nowhere else to go . Long history of abuse etc and child services involved her whole life . I took her in as my own as I have done for a few kids here in town till they got on there feet or sorted things at home ... I personally could never turn any child away it’s not in me , they’re all good kids and deserve a happy safe home at least once in there lives . I am a single mum and we all help out when required . Hope you can find something that works for you all , best of luck x
It is a sad situation, but you don't have to feel obliged to care and pay to look after her.
Call FACS, and speak to them directly. They will get involved and help you out. Let them know you are not in the situation to care for her.
If I were in your situation, I don't think I could care for someone else's child who's mother has kicked out pretty much.
Your immediate short term care is honourable and I think u have helped her with her immediate need for a roof over her head. I feel its important u sit her and ur son down and have a conversation about her long term needs ie. What if their relationship ends, she would find herself back to this exact same predicament and thats the last thing she needs. For this reason alone, she needs to have a home outside of her relationship with ur son that is solely her own. U can be the person to lift her up and support her through this process without having to become her carer. Contact centrelink and ask for a social worker. They will get u in touch with the relevant authorities to help support this girl. She is also at a really vulnerable stage in her life right now so if u can arrange some immediate counselling for her it will help set her up for moving forward. Counselling is something that she can then continue to access regardless of where she is living or who her boyfriend is etc and will be an invaluable support network for her that is independent of her living situation
This breaks my heart. That poor girl.
Contact centrelink, headspace, dhs. Get her on the pill because they will be doing stuff. And if you can help and give her some protection (If she's not on the pill already that is). This girl, she needs some reassurance that life can be fantastic no matter what her shit mum does. Lead her to the right direction. Be there for her to vent. I'd only hope I could do this if my kids had bf/gf that need help.
Kids are so vulnerable
You're an awesome mum for bringing her in, even if its short term. She will thank you ❤❤
Good luck mumma
The universe has given you the responsibility of caring for a vulnerable young girl. I know it’s not ideal but we don’t get given more than we can handle.
Set the ground rules.
Make sure everyone pitches in at the house in terms of housework etc. Let her know if there are any issues or poor behaviour you will have to ask her to leave. Be firm but kind.
Be realistic.
Make sure they are using protection.
Get her on Centrelink benefits.
Help her to get a job.
Let her know you have financial expectations in terms of her giving you money for board and groceries as you are a single Mum etc.
Let her know when she finishes high school and is 18 she will need to find a share house and move out. But until then please make sure she is cared for and protected.
You will also get so much out of this.
When you feel overwhelmed take 10mins to meditate and breathe and calm your anxieties and fears. Everything will work out.
You are amazing and full of grace. 💗🙏🏻