Ladies please help, how do you mend a broken heart. I met a guy on a dating site was seeing each other for a year, he decided to call it off a month ago. But a couple of weeks ago he wanted to go on a road trip as friends, but I didn’t want to because I wanted more. I had a think about things and thought we could try and be friends so I invited him and his daughter to sugarworld as friends because my kids and his daughter are friends. I texted him last night and He said he would think about it, but he text me this morning saying they can’t come because of everything that’s has happened with us and he has been doing things to better himself and moving on. He said if he came it would be just undoing everything he went through to get him to where he is today! (What does that actually mean) does he think I’m toxic or something? I’m so shattered. He told me I have plenty of men that would love to take me out. But I don’t want anyone else. Why does he not want to be friends with me? I don’t understand why we can’t just stay friends. How do I move on from this.
9 Replies
There are lots of reasons to not be friends with an ex. There is some friends I’ve managed to be friends with for a short while but it usually ends badly.
It’s not about the person as such but about falling back into old habits and ways of interacting, that you don’t want to continue. And it usually ends with one person getting there heart broken all over again.
To be honest it sounds like he was right to decline. You sound like you are in a lot of pain still (and that’s ok and normal) trying to keep him as friend would just continue to hold you in a pattern of hoping you get back together.
It means hes moved on. Purposefully. And yes, going back into something that you decided wasn't working for you is a toxic choice, whether he thinks you're toxic or not. And that's not really anything to do with you.
Focus on your self. Realise this is over and just like he has, make the conscious choice and effort to move away and choose things that give you distance and open new opportunity, until your heart is happy and then you will be quite happy without him.
You can’t be friends until you have zero romantic feelings for him, that may take a long while. Otherwise you’re friends with him with an agenda, whether you want to admit that to yourself or not.
He knows you aren’t the right person for him, as painful as that is, so he wants to keep progressing in that direction. No contact is the only way to heal from a break up, he’s right, the longer he has no contact and you also, the quicker you will heal from this. Stop communicating with him, for him and for yourself. Respect his boundaries.
Just a using piece of rubbish that deserves his karma.
Only time will lessen your pain.Try to keep yourself as busy and distracted as possible as I know firsthand,it’s the quiet moments that get to you particularly if the other person would’ve been with you for eg watching a movie at the end of the day.
Why would he ask you to go on a road trip as friends but then decline your offer of doing something as friends?Sounds like he didnt want to do anything with having the kids around..like a booty call is what he was trying to get out of you.
What a mind fucking jerk!I may be reading into it way more than it really is but from what you wrote it sounds like he wanted a traveling booty call or something similar.If he really wanted to try to be friends,he would’ve put the effort in regardless of you saying no to the road trip.And the bull shit excuses that he gave you when he declined your let’s try and be friends outing...pathetic on his part.Yes he is entitled to live his life how he wants etc but he sounds like he doesn’t even know that himself and wants to play the field.
You deserve better than that.
This poster posted about this previously. When he invited her, she snapped that he's used her, and he got upset about that. Now she offered to hang out but things are not good and that explains why he said no and has now decided to change the boundaries.
Yeah, he might have thought she was in a place to be friends, but after her response, realis3d it is still too raw for her.
No, you're not toxic but please take a look at what you wrote.
"He told me I have plenty of men that would love to take me out. But I don't want anyone else."
"But I don't want anyone else."
He may be thinking this is a step towards rebuilding a romantic relationship and recognises that being friends may not be the healthiest thing for you (and for himself.)
You can't be friends because you don't want to be friends. Unfortunately he doesn't want a romantic relationship either, so you need to accept what is and let time heal.