How do I tell my mum I don’t want to do Christmas at her house?
To make the story short, I’m allergic to cats. My mum has multiple cats whom she doesn’t clean up after vaccum, change litter often, clean cat piss out of carpets or off of walls and their hair is on everything my kids leave covered in cat fur. My sisters always go and clean her house before Christmas (obviously I can’t) like a week before so there’s room and minimal cat hair around. But my mum doesn’t keep it up so by the time Christmas comes around the place is covered in fur again. From the moment I walk in the door even with antihistamines in my system my nose is running, my throat is sore dry and itchy and I feel unwell with a headache within 20 mins. I’ve tried sitting by the doors but we sit in the sunken lounge with the aircon on and it just makes it worse. Because the stench of Cat Piss is extremly bad.
I feel bad telling my mum I won’t do Christmas there and have offered to have it in my home but she believes my house is too far from there. She wants the magic of Christmas at her house and my sisters also don’t want to travel and there’s me Who just doesn’t want to be sick again on Christmas Day because she insists on having us all there without her house being clean and cat piss free even for my sake. As a kid I was always sick and I never knew why. I have always disliked Cats too and found out I had a Cat allergy as a young adult when I brought a feral into my home.
8 Replies
Text her, ‘Mum, I won’t be coming for Christmas this year, I get too sick when I’m around cats etc, you are welcome to come here, if you wish.’
End of message. It won’t be a surprise. You’ve tried. Yes Christmas will be different and you need to be prepared to accept that you might not all be together at Christmas this year. It’s time to assert yourself and stand up to your mum this year.
A few years ago I told my mum i wanted to do Christmas at my house and she could come to me or continue to do lunch at her house, no hard feelings either way but those were her options.
I had 3 very young children, didn't have a drivers license at that point and she'd expect me to walk or bus to hers not caring how much of a hassle it was to lug 3 babies and 3 babies worth of gifts from 10 relatives back home again (on a public holiday where transport is even more limited than usual).
It probably pissed her off some but there comes a point you've gotta put yourself first. It's been about 7 years since and we haven't looked back!
My extended family go out for lunch now and visit us late arvo afterwards, i have a quiet lunch with my kids, husband and brother and sister inlaw. I'm glad i finally said something back then because we'd all probably be hauling ourselves off to my mums tiny little place still...
This is my worst nightmare! I sympathise completely I too are horrifically allergic to cats! I would be a mess!
I also tend to attract them - even with the best efforts of avoidance!
It’s your Xmas too! Be selfish! Be honest! Blame your health!
I'm allergic to cats too so I know how horrible it will make you feel, which will suck even more being Christmas. What about your sisters? I assume they live close to your Mum, will they have Christmas at one of their houses? Or try and start a new tradition where you take it in turns to have Christmas at each of your houses. Just send the message, "Hey everyone! Christmas lunch at my place this year, let me know if you can make it. We can have it at someone else's house next year". Leave it at that, what they do from there is up to them.
I'm a crazy cat mum, I would appreciate being told if people won't come due to my cats, I would either pull myself up or tell you I'm OK with my life the way it is... TELL HE STRAIGHT...
It’s quite simple. Tell her your having Xmas at home this year and they are more than welcome to come. Nothing wrong with having Xmas at home, just your family, it’s quite lovely. We do it occasionally.
It’s so hard! I have the same thing but with my in-laws. Plus he smokes an e-cigarette in the house too. And they only have one bathroom, that is old and impossible to keep clean. And they wash the cat bowls In the same water as the dishes, and the water is like warm 🤮 every time I eat there I get the runs and have to take a bucketloads of anti histamines to get through it, and the kids end up sick. I tell my husband, he gets it, but still wants to go visit. So i really don’t have any advice except sympathy. Could you do it at your sisters? In all honesty, I have also drawn the line about travelling for Christmas Day. It is about the kids, and dragging them away from toys is totally not fair.
I also have the added bonus of my mother being a control freak and wanting everything her way at her house. Her house is the opposite but, so clean you are scared to relax there and the kids can’t be kids. Christmas can be so stressful, and it shouldn’t be like that. Maybe lie and tell them that you have been told to stay away from cats for a few months to see if it helps your allergies? Good luck and big sympathies
It’s so hard! I have the same thing but with my in-laws. Plus he smokes an e-cigarette in the house too. And they only have one bathroom, that is old and impossible to keep clean. And they wash the cat bowls In the same water as the dishes, and the water is like warm 🤮 every time I eat there I get the runs and have to take a bucketloads of anti histamines to get through it, and the kids end up sick. I tell my husband, he gets it, but still wants to go visit. So i really don’t have any advice except sympathy. Could you do it at your sisters? In all honesty, I have also drawn the line about travelling for Christmas Day. It is about the kids, and dragging them away from toys is totally not fair.
I also have the added bonus of my mother being a control freak and wanting everything her way at her house. Her house is the opposite but, so clean you are scared to relax there and the kids can’t be kids. Christmas can be so stressful, and it shouldn’t be like that. Maybe lie and tell them that you have been told to stay away from cats for a few months to see if it helps your allergies? Good luck and big sympathies