I have a beautiful 18 month year old boy. He is the light of my life. We are currently deciding when to try again for another baby but I’m really not sure if I want anymore kids. Am I alone? Surely not, right? My husband is a beautiful father, very attentive, kind, affectionate etc; so I would have support. I am not bothered about being pregnant again, I have done it once so sure let’s go again. I do have concerns over the impact it will have on my boy, especially those early months. Mentally I was not in a good place after he was born. I couldn’t imagine trying to cope with a newborn and a toddler. My mental health was a little touch and go there. So I worry I will be less patient and grouchy with my son. Then there is the sex. Haven’t had sex much since he was born, not sure if I want to go through that again. I’m weaning off antidepressants currently to try and kick start my libido. So there’s guilt there. I’m not sure. Maybe I’m looking for answers to questions I don’t quite know how to ask. Overall I’m pretty happy but I just don’t know if I want another kid.
10 Replies
There’s nothing wrong with waiting and having a nigger gap. I have a 2 year gap between births and then 2 five year gaps. I love the bigger gap and it made it so much easier and the impact was much less on my older children where as my two older children did not get the attention they needed or deserved especially trying to go back to work when they were both 3 months old.
I was exactly where you are. I have a 3.5 year gap and it has been heavenly 😊
My advice wait. There is nothing wrong with stopping at one and there is nothing wrong with a bigger gap. Do what feels right for you.
Have you got a psychologist or counsellor you can discuss this all with?
I stopped at one. Never regretted it.
Having a bigger gap can be awesome, your eldest would be a little more independent, most likely out of nappies and the toilet training phase and in a couple of days of kindy? Seems like a more sensible/practical time to go for number two.
Yeah I will chat to my psych. I think it’s a myriad of things.
What does your husband want
Even if her husband wants more, she doesn’t have to do it now. She can wait. The talk of how many kids they want should really be had before they get married and whilst they are in the dating zone. Even then it’s still ok to change your mind.
What the husband wants definitely does matter. Of course she can wait but if she has decided that she doesn’t want anymore ever and he definitely wants more, then they should be looking at the long term issues that this will cause. This relationship won’t work if they can’t come to a compromise (not matter what that is)
Initially 2, I wanted 5 then we had our first. He would like to try in Aug 2020. This would mean my son will be 2.5 years old.
2.5 years is a good gap, it’s up to you how many kids you want to have. You have to carry, birth and look after them. But you need to communicate and understand that if you are adamant that you only want one and he definitely wants more then this may be a breaking point in your relationship.
I’d wait. But there is also no harm in just leaving it at one!!!! I was like you when I had my first.... mental health not so good. un diagnosed PND, anxiety thru the roof! I do have 3 kids now and don’t get me wrong, I love them more that life itself, but some days I wish I had just stopped at one 🤷🏻♀️ My first 2 had a gap of 2.5 years and in my option, not a big enough gap. 2.5 year olds are still a lot of work.