Hi Ladies,
I live overseas with my husband..in his home country. We have been together 9years. My husband runs his own business and I stay home with our child...not particularly through choice but due to the nature of my profession and the language, I can not work here currently. I help my husband out with the business doing the paperwork etc. I am very proud of how hard he works.
We have been here over a year. My husband works 6 days a week leaves at 9am and comes home for lunch/nap about 2pm for 2 hours and then I do not see him again until 11 at night. He does not need to work in the mornings but he chooses to.
On Saturdays he does not work in the day until 3pm but instead of staying with us he goes out drinking from the morning with his friends until he needs work and then when he finishes at 11pm he goes out drinking usually until 4 or 5am in the morning and comes back wasted. I won't see him from 9am Sat until 4/5am on Sunday. Sundays are our family day and we are always together but his friends join us too.
I dont know anyone here and this behaviour really upsets me. I know it is healthy for him to spend time with his friends and I never try stop him but I just feel like I am being disrespected. It is every week and he just does not understand why I'm upset by it.
Last Saturday was our 6th wedding anniversary and he still did the same. I did not see him all day and I was so upset but his attitude was that we can celebrate any year.
I have been in two minds for a while about leaving but I do love him a lot and I worry terribly about him. Leaving would mean leaving the country so our child would maybe only see him once a year. He did cheat on me also about a year ago and we have been trying to work on that but I just cant trust him and that plus the drinking/friends is just too hard :( Living here seems to have completely changed his attitude..before he was so family centered. I am scared to be alone though and not find someone to spend my life with. I thought I had find the person to spend my life with..what should I do?
Husband out with friends
Husband out with friends
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
17 Replies
Are you even sure you can leave the country with your child. I’m not sure what country you are in at the moment but I do know that in some countries if you bring a child in you have to have both parents to agree for the child to leave again if one parent is a citizen. Would your husband agree to let you take said child?
Yes my husband has to provide authority. We have previously spoke about it and he agreed if we ever split that he would sign. In practice may be different but we have discussed this and hopefully he'd follow through.
Is there anyway you could seperate but stay in the country so you don’t have to take your child worlds away from his farther?
Not really sadly. I have no way to work here, no friends and no family. I do not speak the language fluently so being a single mum here would be very hard. She also asks everyday to go home as she does not like it here.
I doubt he will give authority, he will use this to control the situation. I would be telling him you want to take your child back home for a holiday for a few weeks then let him know once you are there that you want to seperate and if he really loves you he can come back home in your country. It would be my country or none when he is living like that. He has absolutely no respect for you.
Up and leave without telling him so he can't stop u! His already cheated once that u know of and it wouldn't surprise me if his off cheating every other weekend. Don't put up with that shit...move home where u have family support and are happy!
That is terrible advice and could end up in her being arrested for kidnapping depending on what country she is In. It doesn’t matter that he likes to drink with his friends and has cheated once in the past. She doesn’t have to right to take his child out of the country with out telling him! Just because he is an arse doesn’t mean he isn’t the child’s father.
What country are you in? You don’t say but I know some countries will not let you leave without your husbands permission especially if you have a child with you. Ask him if you and your child can come home on a holiday. Use that as your pretense. Do not tell him that you do not plan on coming back. He will be able to stop you if it’s one of the countries I am thinking of.
Yes, the poster is in big trouble, very big trouble.
When she wakes up, she will see how bad things are and how dangerous her predicament actually is.
Stay nice, keep playing happy families, ask to go on a holiday home and never go back.
You are going to have to play this very, very smart or you could end up losing your child or being stuck in a country, being badly abused.
When you stop putting up with his bullshit, being so gullible, I remember your last post about him thinking it’s okay to bring the affair partner around the house and you being friends, he will turn very nasty.
At the moment, you are putting up with everything, you are being extremely naive, where he likes you to be, if you start standing up for yourself, you will see the real him. I guarantee it. Please be careful and smart.
I was totally hoping she was in a country where she could just say she’s going on holidays without permission. Sadly if this is not the case she does have to go about it sneakily. I feel for her. It’s why I don’t leave the country and I’ve given advice to people not to leave and go to a country where women are under the authority of a man. I knew a lady who was a child bride and when she escaped she could not take her children and it was 15 years before she saw them again when they chose to come to her. She could not go “home” as she would have been killed. When she told me her story I cried. There would be no way I could handle loosing my children becasue a man thought they were his property and so was I and for risk of being killed not going home to raise them or even visit them.
Do not worry about when you leave as in him he is clearly not worried about you or your relationship things go south very soon when you do decide to not put up with that he will turn believe me and you will be stuck here get some money saved and leave then organize stuff if he is not bothered now he will be when you leave
You are being so disrespected it's not funny he knows your alone and leaves all the time to socialise like a single married man he cheated get out he most likely still is and will again its known in my experience anyhow he doesny Care enough look after you and your children first and foremost
He is not even present at all ever it's a disgrace he should be ashamed of himself he is trying to get away from you you need to leave him be hard work is no excuse for no participation in the rest of his family's life sorry you ended up with such a looser
You need legal advice from an international child custody expert. If you talk about this for real and he says you can't leave, you will not be able to take the child. Full stop. If you just go, you may be breaking laws relevant to the country you live in and either your child will be extradited or you may both be and then you may have criminal charges laid against you. If you come on holidays to Australia and refuse to leave, the same may apply depending on your child's country of birth, parenting agreements, laws in both countries.... That could be an option but it may not be either.
This is 100% not something anyone can answer for you without crap loads more information and expertise in the area. Do absolutely nothing until you have accurate information. That includes not letting on that you are considering this. Your personal liberty, freedom and access to your child could be at stake.
Pack your stuff and go home. Sounds like he is still cheating and you are naive believing his lies. Not your fault at all, he is manipulating you. Pack your stuff and leave and depending what country you are in, do it secretly as he may stop you and you may get stuck there or be made to move without your child. Be very careful and smart about this. If you leave get your tickets and leave while he is out with his friends. Do not give him a single hint that you will leave the country else he can have you stopped.
Get your child a passport tell him you are thinking of a family holday the 3 of you to go back home. Do not tell him just get that passport signed. You are in a different country and you can be stopped from leaving. You will be stuck there. Bluff him into getting the passport if you don’t have one. Book your flights secretly for a time you know he will be out and get the hell out of there. It sounds like he still is cheating and living a double life. Go home and if he really wants you and his child he will follow but you need to secretly get the hell out of there else you are going to be stuck or some countries even lose custody of your child..!! you deserve better & he is only doing what you allow. He obviously is very selfish and couldn’t care less about your feelings. He cheated on you in the past, it says it all. He is still doing it probably!! Sounds like he is living 2 lives!!
Wow the amount of people saying to just leave, to trick him into allowing her to leave with the child is horrible. Why are people so quick to give up on relationships?
Have you tried marriage counselling? There is a reason for his drinking so it’s important to break those barriers as well. Try to work it out, try to mend things, try to give your child a life with both parents if it’s healthy. Talk it out. Communication, set things in place such as one Saturday a fortnight is family day, etc etc. don’t just throw it away without really truly trying. Don’t run away with your child- NOTHING good will come from it.
How would you feel if she took all of your advice and things were still the same e.g. marriage counseling didn't stop him going drinking with hs friends all the time. Then she tries to come home to her own country to be with her family and he doesn't allow her to take the child. She will be stuck in a foreign country alone with no support. He has cheated on her, isn't spending any time with her or the child. She should be able to go back home and if he loves her and counseling works he will go with her and be with his family.