So been separated for months and going through a lot of other issues. My lovely MIL decides to visit yesterday as my other issues have been medical.
She decides it's the time to corner me about my marriage - you get to a point where it's time to forgive and forget she says along with comments about not criticising your partner in front of the kids and just putting it all on me. Then she tells me that they like to deal with issues in the family before they get too big!
I was stunned but had been expecting this! I'm the bad guy, ive wrecked the perfect family, her perfect family, all married Christians (it was originally a mutual decision to split). I'm so sick of selfish people in my life, I guess I did decide to take some control of my life and make things better for my family!
I'm aware that many mothers are labelled dad aliemators but I have spent months chasing my husband to see the kids, he sees them maybe for a few hours a week and it's always last minute when it suits him but I'm still the bad guy with that too!
I struggle to talk to him but I'm civil and don't badmouth him to the kids even though I feel like it so I'm not sure where MIL is coming from.
I feel smoothered by his family, like they are trying to pressure me to conform. Let's be honest MIL just wants the kids. It feels like a competition for her.
I previously spoke to my ex with a marriage counselor about this being between us only. My ex is also tends to lie or fantasise things so I never know what's been said.
My question is do I speak to him again about it? He does have a knack of making me look like a horrible person so I don't know if this will make things worse. I'm scared to be alone with MIL because she makes me feel so upset.
I already know I'm a horrible person but I'm doing the best I can with no support! How do I handle this? I want to move away from this to have some support. I feel my ex wouldn't care too much but my MIL would. She has never liked me, I think because I don't conform. I don't fight with her but I was raised by a strong woman and I lost myself for a long time but after some events it really opened my eyes to how dead on the inside I have been and how toxic my relationship was.
5 Replies
Firstly, I'd stop visits with your MIL. Your kids can see her whenever your partner arranges it. I'd be firm as fuck on that one. You don't need to spend time with someone so toxic. And secondly, I think you need to seek legal advice about custody arrangements, have them permanent and then neither your ex or MIL can really fight you on it because it's in writing
Stop spending time your mother in law.
She is bringing you down and making you second guess yourself. You know what’s what and you aren’t the bad guy!
Make excuses, your busy, don’t answer the phone. Take ages to respond to text messages. What ever you need to do.
Definitely cut visits with the MIL, make time for the kids to see her with their Dad. Go to counselling with him if you think it will work, but don't make him put it all on you....it takes two to raise a family.
If your ex doesn't want to make it work move closer to your family, stuff the in laws it's your family not theirs.
Cut spending time with your MIL, tell her she can see her grandkids when your husband see his kids. She’ll stick a fire cracker up his arse to get him to see them more. I did it with my ex and his mother when she decided to blast me for caring that her youngest son was showing his worst at school and his behaviour was reflecting on how my son was being treated. She however did not get to spend more time with her grandkids because her child didn’t want to spend time with his kids and proved it. She also didn’t want to spend time with them just use me as a babysitter and guilt me into taking her kid back. It didn’t work.
Don't seek approval from your ex in laws- you will not get it. You and only you know what you've been thru and that you've made the right decision. Your doing the best you can and u don't need to be criticised, so tell her directly to stop. Be very firm with her and if she doesn't stop cut communication, your ex can organise visits when he has them. If move to where you have support.