I am “new” to all of this dating with kids etc as separated from my ex about 2 years ago and he has moved on and is happy (I think) and I have been seeing an amazing guy for about 6 months - I am concerned as his kids (girls 10 and boy 13) don’t seem to want to even acknowledge I am there when in their house?
I don’t make a deal out of it and say hi of course when I arrive and then just “be” in the house with partner.
New partner hasn’t noticed/said anything but I am worried as don’t want it to become a problem
Should I just keep doing what I am doing and let them come to me when ready (if ever)?
Their mum left about 7 years ago and both my partner and ex gets on really well. Their mum has moved on straight away as her new partner as reason mum/dad split
7 Replies
Seems pretty normal behaviour for a 10 and 13 year old. They are definitely not in the gushy phase of there life.
Depends on what you mean by not acknowledging you.
For example:
If you're saying hello or speaking directly to them and they totally ignore you - that's extremely rude and their father should be pulling them up on it, I'd be a little concerned if your partner isn't noticing that type of behaviour to be honest.
If it's more that they just don't go out of their way to interact with you or they're not overly enthusiastic about your presence but are still polite, then i wouldn't worry about it. They'll come around in their own time!
They will say hi if i do but not on their own if that makes sense - their dad do pull them up if they goodnight to him and not me etc
Has your partner had lots of girlfriends? Maybe they are thinking, another one how long will this last? So they are purposely not getting close to you. If this is the case just give it time, once you have been there longer than the others they might start to take you seriously.
If he hasn't had a girlfriend since breaking up with his ex then it might be a bit more difficult. Mum moved on straight away so they have always had to 'share' her, but they would have had Dad all to themselves for 7 years until you came along. If this is the case tread carefully and give them plenty of space, make sure you are not there every time they are there, give them weekends to themselves. This should probably happen with the first scenario too, but if step kids get jealous of you that's when all hell breaks loose so it's something to be avoided. Make sure Dad is telling them that nothing is going to change etc.
Good luck. Older kids are so much more difficult to form a relationship with but if you want it to work and respect their space etc it will work eventually.
I just went through exactly what you are going through. I don't have kids, and dated my now husband for a year before we got married 9 most ago. He has 2 kids 9&14 at that time. They are not the most enthusiastic kids when they see me. They come in the house and only tell me hello if I say it first, even now and I live here and married their father.
They talk to me if I ask questions or make conversation, but never start it themselves. I don't think they hate me, I just think they are interested in their own lives more than mine.
They are coming around though. So perhaps giving it some time and letting them come to you when they are ready would be a good approach.
Just be warned that it is extremely challenging to be a step parent...Very hard to bond with kids that age, and by far the hardest most frustrating thing I have ever done. Good luck to you, I hope it all goes well.
I appreciate ur answers so much everyone. Dad hasn’t had many and none really serious I think so I like the comment about them being used to having him alone - we generally have our kids at same weekend so they get that whole time alone - generally I eat dinner there maybe twice our 5 days he have them or come later after dinner so they get “dad” time
Thank u heaps everyone, I will just keep doing what I’m doing and hopefully it will never be a problem - dad is a very quiet person but amazing so I am gonna take it slow and see what happens
See what the kids are into and buy them each a gift and try to share that interest with them, take it as good quality bonding time.