Hi,
I have been separated from my ex partner of 12 years for over 2 years now because of DV. We share custody of 3 children. He has the kids every 2nd weekend.
In the last 4 months the ex has had some trouble with someone hacking into his email accounts. He is accusing me of it even though I don’t know any of his passwords or how you go about doing that. I am not very tech savvy at all.
It has gotten to the point where he thinks someone has cloned his phone, broken into his house and set up surveillance cameras in his house and of course it all leads back to me.
He swaps out sim cards daily and calls me from different numbers harassing me and asking me 100 questions that don’t make sense and accusing me of the hacking which I have told him so many times that I haven’t done anything to him. I have since blocked all phone numbers that he has contacted me on but he still calls the house phone. He called this morning and my daughter answered and he didn’t say much but asked her if she was recording him and asking my daughter where she lived and what her address is? He knows where we live..
When my kids are over there, he makes them have all lights turned off at all times. He hides the tv remote and the air conditioner remote in the freezer because he thinks that someone has put a bug in there and is listening into his conversations.
I honestly don’t know what to do? I have offered to get him help because I feel like he has a form of paranoid schizophrenia as I have experience with patients like that. But he is adamant that this is really happening.
He is making my life and my kids life hell and I don’t know what to do. Our kids are due there this weekend but I don’t think he’s stable in his thoughts to be with them. I fear for my own life too because he threatens me and my family because he thinks I am the hacker. I lock myself and my kids inside my house most days so I can keep an eye on them.
Please help me, I don’t know what I should do or what the next steps are to keep us safe.
Thank you
14 Replies
Please don't send the kids. This does sound like paranoid schizophrenia and of course it feels very real to him. I'm unsure how to get urgent help in this situation, could you try ringing your states mental health service? Could you also talk to his parents or whoever he has contact with to see if they can help? Don't stop trying and don't send the kids with him until he has been assessed and medicated.
Also since he has made threats get an avo and report everything to the police. This might help things get moving.
Stop the visit. Book in mediation. Mediation probably won’t resolve anything but it will show you are willing to try. In mediation I’d ask for supervised contact for the children.
I’d remove the home phone for now and I’d probably apply for an AVO.
Make sure you keep any evidence of texts/emails etc where he accuses you of these things.
PS my ex thinks the AFP are hacking and stalking him.
He sounds like he’s on drugs.
I wouldn’t be sending my kids there.
It's continuing paranoia about the same thing, if it were drugs his paranoia would have disappeared when the drugs wore off and the subject would change each time. Today paranoid about someone spying on him, tomorrow thinks there's a purple elephant in his fridge.
It's either genuine psychotic episodes, or drugs , especially ice . My ex was an ice addict and behaved how you described above about it being continuing paranoia . If he's using ice frequently, the paranoia doesn't ebb and flow at all. It's consistent during come downs as well as highs and was a different thing each day . Thought he was being followed one day , and the next day thought he saw bugs crawling on his skin , and the next day he'd think his meals had been poisoned. This was all from an ongoing meth addiction. So it can be hard to tell if it's drugs, or mental health issues on their own . He should be assessed for both to get to the bottom of it .
Yes, could be drug induced psychosis.
Not necessarily. My mother was exactly like this post describes, and it was always the same paranoia and it rarely went away - and it was all drug induced.
Ring the cops, tell them your worried about his mental health and what goes on when the kids are over there. They can take him to hospital for mental assessment whether he likes it or not. He sounds like a danger to himself and you/kids. He needs urgent mental health help!
He needs hospital ASAP, he has psychosis.
May not necessarily be schitzophrenia, could be bipolar or just an episode due to stress.
However, psychosis is extremely severe in terms of mental health and he will need meds and monitor himself probably for a very long time, if not forever.
Don’t leave the kids with him, call an ambulance and they will assess him.
I’m not saying it because I think he’s dangerous, plenty of people have psychosis and don’t harm others, but he just isn’t in the right frame of mind to be caring for kids.
It’s also not good for your kids to see him like that.
Poor bugger, it’s a hard road back, especially if he’s bipolar, he will most likely end up with a severe depression after the psychosis ends, before things turn around for him.
He is a very unwell man and needs treatment ASAP.
It sounds like psychosis. My niece had it early this year and it was scary AF. Speak to police or GP but he needs help. Right medication will improve his mental health.
schizophrenia? Or something similar
I’m sorry you are going through this.
I would firstly stop the kids going there and arrange something formally through courts.
Even get an Avo
These symptoms are the same as someone I know who was a regular Ice user.
He was weird about his phone, knocked all the walls out inside his house, and thought someone was watching him/ listening to his calls. Very paranoid.
Wishing you the best.
Are you serious and you still send the kids.? Stop all commutation with him and seek full custody.. he is off his face.!!! No way would I let me kids go to him. cut contact with him. sit the kids down and explain to them that their dad isn’t well and you can see him once he seeks some help. He sounds like he is on drugs and if he isn’t then he has serious psychological issues.! I would not put my kids in that danger. Record everything and keep records and seek help. Do not send them to him, you will end up damaging your kids.!
Definitely be contacting or even going in to the police. Make them note it about what's going on, make sure they actually take a report because they can be lazy if they aren't told you want it reported and as horrible as it is but withhold the children next visit and/or til his better. If the police are aware of how bad he is, they should be at your house rather quick if he turns up losing the plot.
I would be contacting a lawyer or legal aid and find out the next step to protect your children and get him help. It's not safe for your children to be on his care or healthy for their mental health being around him until he gets help.