Ok ladies so Ive been in a sexual rut for awhile and now I'm not total like Im thirsty all the time...anyway been seeing this guy for a few months but his phone isnt working so I thought it would be super sexy to pop over on the way home for a quicky he was a bit freaked out and said it was like some kind of fatal attraction...we had the best sex weve had yet but told me not to do it again in case he had family over now im worried I scared him off.
Sexy or creepy ??
Sexy or Creepy
Sexy or Creepy
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
50 Replies
A few months and you can't swing by in case he has someone over? It's neither 'creepy' or 'sexy'.... I'd say it's normal and if he's not wanting to see you or introduce you into the rest of his life the actual issue is his lack of interest. Find someone who appreciates you properly and don't second guess yourself because of him.
Ok, so i feel like i need some more info.
I mean, if you just let yourself in to his house without knocking or anything, just waltzing on in and sort of immediately and forcefully initiating sex - i can honestly say i wouldn't like that, nor would i find it remotely sexy. I don't know that I'd define it as creepy? Unsettling and startling perhaps though...
That sort of thing is definitely a little Fatal Attraction-esque!
If it was more like a spontaneous visit that turned into a quicky, I can't see why that would be an issue.
However, speaking as notoriously private, somewhat socially awkward introvert, unexpected guests of any persuasion always kind of flusters me. I'm very much an "I like to know you're coming so i can mentally prepare myself" kind of person š
So maybe in future, a "hey, is now a good time for me to swing by *wink wink*" text might be in order lol.
Ohhhhh God no that would be super crazy to just walk into the house and be like fuck me now lol
He was out at the time so I just waited a few mins on his porch so when he saw me he was suprised.
I would have txt but his phone isnt working and hes shut down his social media so no way to contact him
Well in that case, not at all creepy. Maybe you're just not at the dropping by unannounced or meeting family stage yet.
I would however, keep the knowledge of his reluctance towards your visits and his lack of availability by phone/social media tucked away in your memory bank.
It's probably nothing and alone, it's rationally explained but it could also be a precursor to secretive behaviour if it's alongside other red flags. So just something to keep in mind!
I would find someone waiting on my porch creepy.
Someone you have been seeing for a few months?
Yes, a few months in someone waiting on my porch that I wasnāt expecting is creepy.
Itās different if it was an arranged date.
Phones out of order so no way to contact
Pre technology this would have been sexy..
We are so used to know where everyone is at any given time that it unexpected visits feel weird!
I wouldnāt take it too personally.. I would however be slightly cautious that you are the only one he is dating...
I think itās creepy. Are you seeing him officially or unofficially? If unofficial and someone did that to me I wouldnāt be impressed
Personally Iād find it too soon for a surprise drop in. If Iād met his family and friends then Iād think a drop in was totally normal.
How long is a piece of string?
What is creepy to some, isnāt to others.
Iām in the introvert want to mentally prepare before you come over camp, however, everyone has different boundaries.
You stepped over one of his, no biggie, as long as you respect those boundaries when you stumble upon them, it shows respect.
I would also be a bit dubious about the not being able to contact him, he could be hiding something, keep your radar up!
He said he hates being distracted at work looking at his phone all the time so having a detox from social sites Def not going to show up unannounced again
His prob married with kids and not telling you! Keep away from him!
He lives by himself in a 1 bed flat like a real man cave with only 1 chair for watching telly...but def have the radar up
My uncle worked FiFo in a 1bdrm, 1 bth unit as it was cheaper to rent then fly home every swing. He didnāt like the dongas. Apparently staying faithful was an issue.
Whats a dongas? Lol
Fifo accommodation
Not all men are lying cheating scum
I definitely wouldnāt want to come home and find my shag sat on my front step waiting for me. Thatās really full on. Even though you obviously had good intentions that would be enough for me to call things off.
Absolutely, imagine if the roles were reversed. Major red flag
My ex fling used did it a couple of times i found it super hot but then again we knew each other better
Wtf, how is it red flags? š. I'm pretty sure nobody does real life anymore!
Well he's set his boundary. He doesn't want you coming by unless he's planned to see you. You can agree or you can move on and find someone that would be more into it by a few months in. I don't think he wants to pursue this past whatever it is now.
Firstly, waiting for him on his front porch is not strange or stalkerish. I find it hilarious that people think it is, how do you all think people socialised before mobiles and social media? If you wanted to see someone you rocked up at their house! Crazy, right? We were all stalkers back in the day.
Secondly, I think this guy is hiding something or trying to avoid you. No phone and no social media? Why? Usually just getting rid of one is enough if you're spending too much time on it. Are you sure he hasn't just told you that? Then getting upset at the unannounced visits, most single guys would love a booty call. How are you communicating anyway? How do you actually plan to meet up? Personally if I had been with someone for a few months I would expect to be able to visit without being referred to as Fatal Attraction. I personally wouldn't initiate contact anymore.
I think hes just being cautious I dunno. He has asked me if I'm seeing anyone else and if im still on the dating apps. He hates them and is wanting a relationship we've both expressed how tiring dating is so we're still getting to know each other. Hes smart funny and respectful and never asked me if he has to wear a condom he just does it which is super rare.
We would txt before his phone crapped out i called it infront of him to show it wasnt working he said he needs a new sim we would use snapchat before he deacticated it on Saturday ( i saw him thursday that was a planned visit)
He said i had big balls just rocking up like that and took a huge risk showing up like that.
My plan was to knock on the door flash my boobs and get some dick...only the last thing happened. Amazing fuck so i think it turned him and scarred him a little at the same time
You're ignoring so many flags. Fucking is all this is.
A guy who isnāt getting is Phone fixed with in a few days of it breaking isnāt ready to adult yet. His entire living arrangement says I donāt do āgrown upā.
How do you come to that conclusion just from a post on the internet? All you got is a brief description of his house and he apparently has a broken phone which he hasn't fixed yet? I am 39 years old and have had so many periods of time without a phone, does that mean I wasn't an adult during those times? Can you explain your reasoning for thinking this man, who you know nothing about except for what is written here, isn't ready for adulting?
I think the opposite, people who can live without a phone are better at adulting.
People stuck to their phones are immature to me.
I would still ha e my radar up though, he does sound a little dodgy, but you should have your radar up when you meet anyone.
It's the lack of ability to be contacted that i find immature.
What if there was an emergency? What if his car broke down or something like that? Presumably his family can't contact him either? How does his boss contact him if need be?
Part of being an adult is being available and contactable. So this does seem weird to me...
Maybe he has a landline and does everything the old way? Maybe there's pay phones where he lives? Nobody would survive without a mobile these days.
Well, that's not impossible but seems unlikely...
I haven't seen a payphone outside of a shopping centre in years, just sayin'
So if i broke down somewhere without my phone, I'd be up shit creek lol
One would also think if he had a landline, he'd give the number to the girl he was seeing - unless of course there was some reason he didn't want her to be able to contact him?!
Maybe I'm just cynical but I'm not buying what this dude's selling!
He just moved into his place was a quick move for work before he was travelling 2hrs to get to the city everday. He has a good job so no problems with adulting we have good convos just not the right ones I guess
What if thats all I want when I want it is that so wrong
If you're cool with this being nothing more than casual sex, there's literally nothing at all wrong with that but it's gotta be a mutually beneficial and wanted arrangement. There has to be a discussion about boundaries and ground rules as well (which judging from all this has not yet been had).
That probably needs to happen so you both know what to expect amd where you stand :)
But you were the one saying you both want a relationship, sick of dating and games. Now you just want a shag and sounds like he does too since he doesnāt want you contacting him, coming to his house etc.Honestly, I donāt think either of you know what you want at this point, but you know what, thatās okay. Youāve been seeing each other for a few months, just go with the flow and see what happens. You, nor him need to decide today. Heās at a pint where heās uncomfortable with you rocking up, just take things slow and enjoy getting to know each other. Enjoy the ride, enjoy each otherās company, getting to know someone is a fun time, donāt invest too much and live and let live. Donāt worry about freaking him out, it was a mistake, heās obviously not as comfortable at this point, but if he continues to see you, heās obviously not holding it against you. Maybe tell him he needs to be contactable, that he needs to sort out the phone. Good luck, I hope things progress how you want.
So at first I was on your side with this, thinking he was up to something but now Iāve read the way you speak. Iād say he is put off by it and there is nothing wrong at all with him. He just sounds very mature and smart, reserved and not full on like you seem to be. Take a step back! he sounds decent and you will put him off. especially with the way you speak about it.
Sheās putting me off to....urghhh
Must be lots of younger mums on here. Before social media was big (when mobile phones were expensive and people didn't have them attached to them all day) this was just normal in any kind of relationship... Friends, lovers, shags... Whatever. This sounds totally fine to me and it's not a red flag regardless of the sex of the person who dropped by. The only thing that sounds off to me is that if they've been seeing each other that long he would be paranoid about someone else meeting her.
Iām 45, never have I just rocked up on a guys porch (unless it was a long term relationship). 3 months is fairly new, especially if youve already got kids, cause you canāt even see each other that much.
Iād be totally pissed if a guy thought at three months in he could just rock up whenever he felt like it.
Either way the guy doesnāt sound ready for what she is looking for.
I don't really see 3 months as new. My husband and I have been married 17 years. We were engaged by then. And every other relationship I had prior we were either well into the I love you stage or I'd walked away prior to then because they weren't for me. Not just men either. My very best friends have all become either a part of my life or an acquaintance before 3 months.
I'm only 29 and I'm quite surprised at the amount of people saying it's weird to wait for someone or turn up for a spontaneous visit. I feel like we're becoming quite paranoid as a society.
Personally, i wouldn't give my address to someone unless i was comfortable with that person knowing where i live and potentially having them drop in.
The red flag for me is that his phone is broken, he's in no rush to fix it (new sim if i read correctly above, such a simple and cheap fix) and his only other method of contact was snapchat which he deleted.
I kind of think you don't have the right to be pissed about unexpected visitors if they have no way to get hold of you
āļøāļøāļøSo to me, the millenial, that right there is the weird behaviour in this entire situation!!!
Well said Millenial!!
Not young. Hes not welcoming it. And as well as that he doesn't want to contact her.
Same ive never told anyone where I live unless I can 100% trust them as I have my child to think about. The phone he didnt know wasnt working until I showed him. I myself have done a social media detox for a few months at a time i found i was just on it all the time with negative people all the time and needed a break.
I did ask him if he wanted me to leave but he said no your here now, did our thing and I left.
So I've read through this and all your replies.
I'm gonna be honest, there's signs here that he might be trying to ghost you or he just wants sex, when he wants it and only on his terms - you turning up unexpectedly threw a spanner in that plan.
Look at the facts!
His sim card isn't working "allegedly", that takes basically no effort to fix. It happened to me once, i took myself off to the Telstra shop, they set up a new one free of charge and even put it in my phone for me, took not 5 minutes out of my day.
If it's been not working for more than a week, I'd be calling bullshit on that one.
No adult person can function for more than a few days being completely unable to be contacted by phone, it's just not logical.
Secondly, he deactivated his social media which was the only other method of contact you had with him. Again, not logical, especially if his phone really isn't working. Most people don't cut themselves off like this.
I mean, really...
This post is very interesting and the responses are very clearly one side or the other so I think you have to accept that he is one of the people that find this odd behaviour and do you know what that's totally ok but it may suggest that you and he aren't as compatible as you thought. I'm actually on his side with this one and would find it odd that someone I've known only a few months has turned up unannounced for any reason. Mainly because I'm the type of person who plans things in advance and usually has things to do when I get home from work. And the phone thing- I can think of many reasons it hasn't been fixed yet - currently have a friend who is up to a week without her phone because it's not always a cheap or simple solution to fix or replace phones.
Yer right his phone isnāt working.. more like I think he has something to hide..! You better get snooping love and find out who he really is.?
My phone was busted for 4 weeks and I had no other contact for 2 weeks as my broadband was also down at home due to 'upgrades' that went on for ever! In that time quite a few people showed up at my house because they couldn't get me. I didn't think it was weird or creepy very normal actually. Perhaps he's just a very private person? Or like a to be looking his best for you. Definitely just talk it over with him.