A question for those that co parent with a good distance in between. How do you manage?
My future plan if I can is to move home with my child. Only downfall is my child’s dad will then be 8 hours away. Do you do visits every weekend? Holidays? How does it all work in between school ect
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12 Replies
Every school holidays. Weekend visits weren't even considered, 7hrs drive one way, there was more driving then visitation. Our children are young teenangers and are finding as they get older they want to spend time with their mates aswell during the holidays. At the moment its half of every school holidays, unless the children want to stay longer. Birthdays, their father makes the trip here for several days.
Please bear in mind for the travelling parent the cost involved could play a huge factor to the amount of time they can afford to travel the 8hr trip per year. Yes, I know everyone is going to say, money shouldn't stop you from seeing your children. BUT, For us a 7hr drive, one way for a week was $1000 (petrol, accommodation, food etc) before visitation even started. I guess everyone needs to be realistic.
Just curious as to why you would be spending $1000 on a 7 hour journey ? 7 hours driving for me costs $60 petrol and you could take an esky of food from home , and what is the paid accommodation for ? Why so much ?
7 hours drive one way for a week , do you mean that's the cost for a full week away or just the 7 hours ?
I grew up with parents far apart and it wasn't the best. I left my home state and married and had kids in another state and we have since separated. I have decided to stay closer to my kids Dad because of what I went through as a kid. I have nobody here but my kids have their whole family. It is easier to work in visits to see extended family rather than having to work in visits to see the other parent. As they get older they will resent having to choose between a social life and seeing the other parent.
Practically thinking, weekends home wouldn’t be possible if it’s 8hours travel each way. Your child would just get there and have to come home again and would be exhausted. It would also mean no extra-curricular activities could be done, as a lot of those occur on a Saturday.
You would have to be prepared for your child to be gone a big chunk of every school holiday.
I think it’s really cruel to move that far away from a parent.
Are you financially ready for the cost for your children to travel? I think it’s fair that’s your burden seeing your the one moving!
It's only cruel if its for selfish reasons and she keeps the child from their father. She seems to be wanting to work on visit arrangements so what's so wrong ? Maybe she has depression and needs ongoing family support from home, so in her defence , she 'is' arranging her child to see the dad, shes asking for practical suggestions so it runs smoothly . It would help if she runs it by the child's dad as well . Maybe she has better job prospects there and for financial reasons, needs to move? Remember a depressed or jobless primary parent is worse off for a child in the long run , if that's at all the reason. Regardless the child will still see the other parent so the child still gets them both in their life.. lots of separated parents do not have 50/50 contact, in fact most don't . There is always one primary parent. Even in families where both parents are still together , one parent is often more available than the other depending on work schedules , the childs schedules etc ..
As far as costs for travel, yes I think she should foot the full bill too as regardless of the reasons, she chose to move . ( when it happens )
However I have heard alternatively that the paying parent of child support can opt for the costs to be deducted from child support if he has to be the one to pay for the child to travel back for visits.
Your making a lot of assumptions on her behalf.
I stand by what I said it is cruel to the parent without primary custody to put an 8 hour barrier to seeing their child. The ability to Attend special events at school and sport etc would also be limited.
I too am not a fan of 50/50 but that’s a different topic.
Unless you know what the 8 hour barrier is , then it's not for us to imply it's 'Cruel' . I'd love to know her reasons for moving as she hasnt said, before I think it's a cruel decision , but according to ur comment you call it cruel regardless, which in my opinion, is also cruel .
You’ll need to get permission from dad first or he can take you to court and make you return. Go through all the legal channels before you make your move.
Moving your child 8 hours away from their other parent in actually pretty cruel to the child especially if they are settled and in school etc. Unless the other parent puts both of your lives in significant danger.
Don’t get me wrong it could work, but it could also work against you. My ex moved hours away and has taken my moving on as his free ticket out of parent hood. Because someone else is going to pick up his slack and they do.
I would love to move back home, but I’m not leaving until my son is an adult.
His relationship with his other parent is more important to me.
Sometimes you have to make the sacrifices, unless of course you can’t get a job where you are and are struggling to put food on the table, then you have to move because that is always priority.
Consider this, you want to move back to be with family, how will you child feel when you move them away from their parent?
A few factors , if you are moving for work reasons, then that's not a choice. It's a necessity. Am so sick of hearing other mums putting mums down for moving due to employment reasons ( not necessarily in your case , but just saying .. ) You and your child will be worse off staying if you can't pay your Bill's, and child support sometimes isn't always enough. So for employment reasons, I see it justified .
I also see it justified if its to move for family support , as it takes a village to raise a child , *especially* if the other parent isnt as involved and as invested equally . If the other parent is just as involved as you in your childs upbringing, and it's not for work reasons, then I'd be inclined to think twice .
If the latter is the case You could always visit your own family on school holidays while your ex has the child during that time until you return , that way you still get to see your family and your child doesnt need to be permanantly uprooted .
Depends on court orders also.
I was not allowed to move post codes due to his stipulation in court orders... not even to the next suburb over 😢