My partner and I have been together for almost 10 years had our ups and downs like everyone. However since I have gone back into the work force since having kids he has become beyond annoying and in some what way controlling.
1st job was cafe work so weekends late arvos ect long hours would whinge cause I wasn't home that place closed. Got a new job at another cafe but 5am starts 2pm finishes he winged cause I wasn't home in the mornings for the kids. Left there now I have an amazing fun job i work weekends and week days hours are anything from 15hrs-50hrs a week pending on the time of year.. Now the money is great work environment is great and Im happy to go to work (rare i know)
So now my problem is my partner complains that im not home during the days on the weekends and keeps cracking the shits cause he has to have the kids. Now when I have had a day off on a weekend we go no where he goes to his shed and plays with his cars or harasses me for sex not even in a romantic way its oh lets go play or groping my vagina or trying to put his hands down my pants. This has never been a turn on for me ever so my answer is no im not in the mood.
Every weekend I get messages from him asking if I still love him and if we are ok he seems to make up things in his head to cause stupid thoughts that im going elsewhere or I want to leave ect.. Of course I reassure him that we are fine and I do love him but this is a constant thing of me needing to reassure him is making it to the point im loosing all attraction for him..
I apparently show the kids more love than him where as he says to me Im on his pedastill and he loves me more than the kids cause they will all move out at some point so why do I need to love them as much (WTF!!!!!!!)
Sex feels like a chore and if I say no I get oh thats right unless your in control is the only time your happy or you dont love me enough or im going elsewhere im so over it..
Every week i stress when I get my new roster cause once again I know im working the weekend and I know he will crack it again and the crap starts all over again unless I have had enough sex with him to keep him happy (which I shouldn't have to do to keep him off my back) I thought he and I were a team we have 4 kids and we both work. We both need to work to stay afloat but all I get is I hate your job you only love it cause your not around me you get all the attention from all the men at your work ect just constant nagging over the same shit..
I dont know what to do anymore or how to handle this anymore.. Im at breaking point I have anxiety and mild depression that I take meds for atm but this shit with him is making my anxiety go through the roof daily.
Its like he wants me to be this good little housewife back in the 50's that is at his beck and call 24hrs
4 Replies
Yep sounds very unhealthy and must be very hard on you. There's nothing enjoyable about being wrong and unable to make your own choice or just go about your day without negativity, blame and guilt.
Sounds like a terribly unhealthy relationship to me. The way he attempts to initiate sex would have had me calling things off in the dating phase.
The fact that youre unsure and second guessing yourself tells me you've been worn down and should probably get in to see a psychologist.
It can feel overwhelming to speak up, especially when there's just so much going wrong PLUS you know it won't be heard anyway and you will cop all the blame and attacks, BUT you're at the point where you do need to say this isn't working for me, there is just so much about this that isn't working for me, that isn't healthy, and that needs to change.
Now because of the current dynamics, doing it with a psychologist or at least while having one to sound off with, will definitely help get you through it without feeling like youve been put through the wringer.
Yes I think this is controlling and ridiculous. He’s a man-child. Sounds like he is very emotionally immature and needy. If you want to stay in the marriage I think you need to go to couples counselling or he needs to go and look at why he is so jealous of you having any life outside the home. He shouldn’t be competing with your kids for love and needs therapy!