Hi mums,
My 6 year old son (my oldest son, so I'm still learning as we go) exhibits a concerning behaviour. He likes to rest his junk on people on and objects (fully clothed). I really don't know if this is normal or not. Like if I'm sitting on the lounge he will come over to talk to me, and will rest his groin squarely on my knee. I've seen him doing this with the door frame and chairs too. I've not seen him groping himself (which I feel would be a bit more normal?) I asked his father if its normal and he said he can't remember doing it as a kid. I'm worried he's doing it at school and his teachers think we're weirdos. I try and quietly advise him not to do it so as to not make a big deal out of it or embarrass him, but I'm worried it's abnormal. Thoughts?
15 Replies
Talk to him about appropriate places and private place and public spaces.
Tell him
Look it’s ok to touch yourself but I don’t want to see it (unless it’s hurt). I don’t want it to happen in the lounge room or in other spaces that everyone is. Your penis stays in your pants unless your in your room, the bathroom or toilet. If there’s something wrong with it you need to let me know.
Tell him he must be in a private space. I used to have little cards around the house to remind my son of private spaces and public spaces (he has Autism)
Is there any chance he’s seen your partner pull his out in front of you or walked in on you and him getting busy? Ask him if there’s something wrong with his penis? If there is take him to the doctors to get checked out.
He's not pulling his penis out or playing with it.
See that's the thing... he isn't touching himself, nor is he exposing himself. He's doing all this fully clothed which makes me feel it's abnormal. No, my husband is very conservative and I'm certain he's not seen anything. It's odd :/
- Poster
Is he just sitting on you with clothes on? Sorry I read it as he was pulling it out and resting it on your knee. 😬 he’s probably becoming more aware of it and sometimes the sensations feel good. Is it stiff when he sits on you or soft? You can always ask him not to do that, say if you’d like to sit on my lap please do it nicely. Make him sit over 2 legs that way his junk is in the middle and not touching you, rubbing up against things is normal (again the sensation) you could ask him not to do it in public/shared spaces. That’s only if you think he’s doing it on purpose.
Is he just sitting on you with clothes on? Sorry I read it as he was pulling it out and resting it on your knee. 😬 he’s probably becoming more aware of it and sometimes the sensations feel good. Is it stiff when he sits on you or soft? You can always ask him not to do that, say if you’d like to sit on my lap please do it nicely. Make him sit over 2 legs that way his junk is in the middle and not touching you, rubbing up against things is normal (again the sensation) you could ask him not to do it in public/shared spaces. That’s only if you think he’s doing it on purpose.
Definitely an odd behaviour. I would be really talking to him about boundaries and personal space in general and how to is never appropriate to place to private’s on another person
I personally haven't seen it in kiddos but that doesn't mean it's not normal. I would think he's done it once accidentally, it felt good and has become a habit. Some gentle, quiet reminders that it's not appropriate in public spaces or in front of people should break the habit. Talk to his teachers so they can provide consistency at school too, it wouldn't be a blip on their weirdo meter. Kids are weird and gross by default lol.
That's what I thought too. It must feel good. It's not so obvious as him playing with it or exposing himself, it's much more subtle which makes it harder to correct. I have to try and figure out if it was accidental or on purpose and don't want to pull him up on, or draw attention to something that was accidental. It's only that I've been noticing it a bit more that I realised it was a bit strange.
Kids don't have that same awareness that adults have about sexual behaviours and what's socially acceptable.
He wouldn't even see the sexual connotations, he's just discovered that rubbing his privates on things feels good, in sort of the same way a back rub geels good. You know what i mean? Kids don't see the differentiation.
This sort of thing is so common in kids, so you've just gotta be firm with boundaries. When he does it on your leg say "please don't put your privates on me". Explain that this isnt appropriate public behaviour but he's free to do it all he likes in his bedroom, gently remind him that when you see him do it.
Just tell him not to do it.
As someone who works with kids, boys and girls, find never ending magical ways to involve there private parts in there day. From the boy who puts his hand UP his pant leg to get to his penis in story time, to the girl squeezing her legs together.
Just tell him not to. A little bit of consistency and as he gets older and it will stop.
I think it's probably just the feeling of it touching different things/surfaces and it's probably become such a habit that he doesn't even know he is doing it. My son started doing similar when he first ditched the nappy because he could feel so many things through his pants.
Keep reminding him that we don't do that. Keep encouraging him that it's okay to touch his own penis is private so he doesn't think he can't touch it at all. It will take a while to break the habit, but gentle reminding like " Hey look what you're doing! Remember we talked about not resting your doodle on my knee? We don't do those kinds of things"
I think a person above said some good examples of things to say. You don't want him to be completely afraid of his penis or the fact it feels nice to touch/when touching other surfaces but he needs to be reminded of the places it's acceptable until the habit breaks
I doubt this is sexual. Depending on how frequent it is I’d probably let it go. If it’s all the time have a personal space conversation
My son did this but I told him it was rude and he stopped. I'd honestly forgotten about it because it was 1 conversation.
Pretty sure it’s normal. I am so open with my kids about stuff like that and come straight out with funny things about it so they don’t feel embarrassed. I try to be the opposite of how were were growing up here everything was closed off and not talked about. I make it everyday life so it doesn’t feel awkward or embarrassing for my kids. Doing this allows them to be free and feel comfortable to tell me everything. I also have a serious side about private and personal regarding touching and other people etc. so they know the boundaries and also have my added humour of being so open to them, just to allow them to feel comfortable.
My son is autistic. Trust me when I say I had it worse. He used to actually squish it on my knee when he was a toddler when naked. Now 8 he still bumps it clothed against my knee. He's completely zoned out when he does it so it's difficult to correct the behaviour. Over time it does improve though as he only does it clothes now. Your boy will stop with time and guidance.