Step Daughter Drama *edit*
After reading comments on Facebook I feel I need to add more of a back story.
We are a blended family with 6 children I have 2 from previous relationship he has 3 and we have one child together. We have had full custody of his children since last year. Me and my partner have been together for 4 years and prior to this arrangement we had them every weekend and also school holidays.
The children came into our care due to drug abuse by there mother. She is to have no contact ATM.
I have tried my hardest to be kind to her and the other children involved and give them alot of love an attention during this time . But for 4 years my partner has had this tic for tac attitude of your vs mine which has made it very hard for me to set rules and discipline his children. If I do in anyway he somehow back tracks on any rules because it's easier to give in to what they want then to deal with a tantrum about not getting something.
I do think there are alot of underlying issues but feel like my hands are tied in this situation as he does not believe me or listen to me about things. Also her behaviour at school itself is perfect.
Since my previous post we have had a few other issues arise which I am hoping have made him realise things. First incident he went to the shop and she screamed the whole time he was gone smashed our furniture around broke some things all I could do was send the other children to there rooms to play so they didn't get hurt and just ignore her until he came home. When he did return she told him I had punched her in the face. He asked me about it and I had a conversation with him about how her lying is going to put me in a very bad situation and I'm not sure if I will be able to do this for much longer if he doesn't take it seriously. I'm starting to become concerned about her saying I've touched her or something.
Then yesterday she had this big story she had to tell her dad in private. She had told him my son had hurt her at school. After him confronting my son she then told him she was lying and she stood there laughing. All he did was say stop lying you are going to get someone into trouble.
She has also been receiving counciling for a few months with not much progress. I do believe she does have alot of underlying issues.
For instance we were at McDonald's just getting a frozen drink for them as we were going on a long drive and as a trwar. She was not happy with that she wanted a burger , so for the whole drive she sat there saying burger burger burger burger burger burger constantly the whole drive. Having a child the same age and one who is older now I do understand this is not normal behaviour. There is alot of other little things that also concern me is not knowing how to do basic things like shoes are always put on wrong feet, still needing help with getting changed. She doesn't know how to turn shower on or off. Just basic day to day stuff but unsure if this is for attention or not. But the thing is she gets way more attention then anyone else including our 2 year old. I feel like all our attention is constantly on her.
Just no idea how to get my partner to take this seriously and become a united front and get the help she needs.
Just wanted to add also her behaviour doesn't just affect my son but every other child in this house, all of them get in trouble for things they haven't done and also are all sick of listening to the tantrums and things as they come to me and ask me to please make her stop. She picks on my 2year old, hits kicks , pinches him, takes his toys off him, will kiss him and then pinch him before she walks away from him. Pushes him off his swing. He loves the wiggles and had this teddy he carted around everywhere she torn it up ripped it to peices. Even our teenagers are being affected by all of this.
6 Replies
Sorry, but it’s ultimatum time.
He needs to step back in as a parent, and clean up his mess. The only way he will do that is if he deals with this 24/7.
The only reasons he hasn’t done more until now is 1. He is a lazy arse parent, 2. He thinks it’s your job (when on reality you can do zero) 3. He has zero respect for you.
It’s time for a ultimatum for the benefit of you and the other kids. You are worried about sexual abuse when physical abuse accusation is enough to get ALL the kids removed from your care. That’s not a risk that’s acceptable in my book.
The truth is, if he was single he would have to do all the parenting of his children, but because he isn’t he he passed the buck to you.
Counselling for the little girl isn’t going to have much benefit if the entire family dynamic doesn’t change. She also needs a total work up/assessment by a child psychologist and peadiatrician. But he needs to do all that.
Unfortunately though, he isn’t going to do much until he is left holding the baby so to speak. And you have to protect your biological children before they end up in foster care!
Oh my 🤦🏼♀️
I think Dad needs a serious wake up call! Her tactics can be very damaging and your so right to be worried..
I don’t have any advice. But sending you strength on this path!
Oh my god honey. What a frigid nightmare. Can you set up Nanny cams in the house?
I think you have to totally withdraw from any parental role or situation where you are alone with her. I think what you did by attempting to ignore tantrums and ensuring the other children are somewhere safe - is perfect.
My partners child was similarly disruptive and in the end I had to say this is my home I deserve to be safe and so do the other 5 children living here. I refused to play any part in his life. Totally his fathers responsibility.
My biggest fear for you would be if this isn’t dealt with soon you are going to end up violent resentful angry teenager on your hands.
Thinking outside the box a bit but also please consider what should happen if your husband is to become seriously ill or pass away.
She has the makings of a violent future psycopath or sociopath . Shes needs immediate intervention from outside sources . This is not normal .. seems she was born wired wrong and needs urgent help before things get to dangerous levels .
Take your kids and go. I am so sad for this little girl because obviously she has been through a lot and needs help BUT it is your partners responsibility. The fact he refuses to acknowledge and help is enabling the behaviour and it is only going to get worse.
You need to leave with your children. This is not a safe, happy environment for them to grow up in. Also when your teenagers get a little older - they’re going to get the hell out of there as soon as they can and you’ll lose that time with your own babies because of her.
It’s the job of her father to step up and do something about this. He needs to find his balls and deal with his daughters behaviour. This is not your job.