A few years ago i got sick which landed me in hospital for a few months. Im a single parent and ive raised my child on my own since the beginning...his father decided that life was better spent gambling and drinking and i knew this was a life i didnt want for my son...so i put my big girl pants on and raised him as thats my responsibility. I get that im not a perfect parent but ive done the best i can. Lately my son has wanted to go out with his friends everyday which ive allowed...i havent stopped him a single time not once...if he asks to go im resonable and say yes. Everyday he is trying emotional black mail on some level but today is the icing on the cake. I asked him to get ready for school and he came out with an old shirt on and i asked him to change it. The next minute he is yelling at me and i walk after him he slams a door in my face. I open the door and tell him to never slam a door again in my face. He then proceeds to yell at me telling me i never let him go with his friends and that its the first time he has had friends in three years. He went to a school where he was bullied and i changed him schools a year ago. I had at first refused to change him school because he had changed schools a few times one being for the same reason and i tried to help him sort through it but in the end i moved him because there was no sorting through it. Today im at my wits end because its like all of a sudden we go from having a really close happy relationship to him making me feel guilty for asking him to do simple chores like put his plate on the sink or put his clothes in the washing basket. I have him booked in to see a psychologist soon to give him so help and support but my heart literally feels broken. The question is do i allow him to control everything just to make him feel better or do i keep setting boundaries and maintaining getting him to do chores...i giess the first option i know isnt an option but im trying to be open to all possibilities.
6 Replies
You don’t say his age. But you set boundaries! It’s not your job to be his friend and keep things all easy for him. It’s our job to get them ready for the next stage of life.
Sometimes that means there are going to be disagreements and happiness. They are kids and they will try and get away with stuff and push back from time to time. That’s life growing up and It’s about teaching responsibility with appropriate consequences.
Kids will say stuff to hurt you from time to time, I told my mum she was the worst mum in the world (she was far from it), I hated her, etc etc. I’m glad as an adult she didn’t let that change her parenting, cause she was doing all the right things.
he is 11
I wouldn’t be allowing my 11 year old out with his friends everyday either. Most 11 year olds don’t have that kind of freedom.
11 year olds still need a lot of boundaries and they will throw tantrums, which is what you are getting now.
Don’t cave in to those tantrums otherwise you might as well set him free to raise himself.
My 11 year old boy doesn’t go out with friends, he has a bit of attitude but yours sounds like he has a lot of freedom for one so young.
No set boundaries and expectations.
Don’t feel guilty about them. Your teaching him what’s acceptable behaviour and how to treat people.
Tell him that his actions have consequences. When you yell at me then I’m afraid - you loose the opportunity to go out with your friends. When you can treat me with respect and perform the tasks asked of you, you can have all the freedom in the world.
Sending strength mumma...
You are his mum and don’t give in. He will only get worse as he gets older. Stick to your rules and if he doesn’t like it, ignore his tantrums. He will walk all
Over you as he gets older if you don’t stick to it. It’s time to nip it in the bud and show him what isn’t acceptable. Mum first, friend second. You have rules in place to protect him because you care. Don’t give in just because it is the easier option. You are doing a good job raising him on your own.