I am feeling so much guilt and sadness right now. I’ve turned into a ‘yelly’ Mum, all I seem to do day in, day out, is yell at my 2 year old to stop doing things that are either naughty or going to cause an injury. I’ve smacked him numerous times today and I’m so ashamed of myself.
I feel like I’m not cut out for this. Every morning is the same, I wake up and immediately am saying ‘no, no, NO!’
And it’s not about little things, he is a climber and climbs up onto the tv cabinet every 2 minutes. I’m so scared he’s going to pull the tv down onto himself! And I can’t change the environment or gate the area off, or I would.
I just don’t know how to discipline a toddler. He is so smart, and I know that he knows he shouldn’t be doing the things he does. I just don’t know what to do, I’m at the point where I’m waiting on the neighbours to call DOCS or something with the amount of yelling they must hear on a daily basis.
I hear myself and hate myself for being like this. Everyday I wake up and feel like I have even less patience than the last.
Please tell me this is just a rough patch 😥
I need better coping strategies, I’m about to break.
Feeling like a horrible mum
Feeling like a horrible mum
Posted in:
Behaviour
12 Replies
1. Hook the cabinet to the wall. Children die from falling cabinets.
2. Parenting classes. Get informed so you do know. Yelling is not the way, its so unhelpful and just pulls you all apart and makes everything worse. Its all you know right now but you know it's not working.
- one simple strategy is to calmly place the child somewhere safe (a cot, a playpen, even strapped into a stroller) and remove yourself for 10 minutes.
- another tactic I used to use a lot is redirection. Say no, pick up child, walk to a different room and show them something, anything and say oooh wow look! They do like to be busy so try to get him to wash things in a basin, wipe things with a cloth or even paint things with water.
I had a friend who was just mental at home but found being out of the house was much better for her and they used to go out and about walking, daily.
3. Do you have depression or mental health issues? See a go and get medicated and treated. It will change SO much about your ability to cope with it all. Your breaking point is very short right now, you're basically on it already. You need to work on that.
4. Get help with care. You need a break. He needs a break. Call in a relly or friend, today. Say it's an emergency. You need a few hours. And let him be in a nice place, and get yourself calm and ready to have a nice few hours with him before bedtime.
I was pulling my hair out from the age of 10months until about 2.
I was exhausted, he had even scaled out of his cot and out of a very high window before he was 1.
What I found worked for us was hardly being home. We spent as much time as possible outside, at the park, at play centres etc. swimming lessons one day, kindergym, we did it all! We were busy, but he needed to be kept busy.
I did also box a lot of stuff up for a long time. You can get those temporary fences to go around the worst offending areas and although they don’t totally stop climbers they do slow them down a lot.
Doing the activities really turned things into a positive for us and away from me telling him off all the time.
If you're renting ask the owner if you can bolt that cabinet to the wall , most won't allow it which drives me insane how little they care about safety , and if you own your home please bolt the thing to the wall . That cabinet is a hazard . Or even take it away if you can . Your child seems bored or needs over stimulating. Lots of one on one activities work well, you'll need help to come up with a daily chart with every moment accounted for.
Eventually he will grow out of this . It's a hard phase . Play groups are good too , try to do one activity a day out of the house, parks , and anywhere else child friendly.
First of all we have all felt like you for yelling cracking cursing and losing it its normal so let that go because you have recognized it so good on you mum ! Toddlers are blpody hard work they will not and do not and can not listen to us as there toddlers finding their way in the world !
I have been there this is what I did I told them when they are naughty to sit still smell the Rose's and blow out the candles it really works I use to run away when it got to much to the toilet and counter until I got my shit together ! Hug them when they act out literally hug them will make you and them feel better ! It does not last and one day you will be like jeez when was the last time I had a lose it moment you will not you have this were all bad mums at times were only human and they learn it ahh mam is about to loose it so I best sit down snacking doesnt work sadly but positive hugging and relaxation really does work and distraction as soon as they kick off helps and for you wine helps too lol do not beat yourself up if you had anything to be ashamed about it would be to continue losing it and not asking for help you sound like a bloody good mum to me
Secure the cabinet to the wall and if you go to Bunnings (Or maybe a baby shop) you can get straps to bolt to your cabinet and anchor the tv to it- takes away that immediate stress and danger.
2 is a big age for kids finding their own independence/ pushing boundaries. Make sure you’re taking a bit of time for yourself everyday and recharging, whether it be 20 minutes reading a book or having a hot cuppa, taking your little one for a walk in the stroller, anything to help you recharge! If you’re in a position to do so, put bub in daycare one day a week too to give yourself a break. Good luck!
I completely get where you are coming from. 3/4 of my kids were/are climbers. It’s hard, so fricken hard. You can’t take you eyes off them for a split second. My saving grace is the playground. We have a beautiful fully enclosed play ground near my house so once everybody is up and fed we are in the car, drop the older two off at school then straight to the play ground. They run climb and wear themselves out. And please don’t be to hard on yourself about yelling, most of us have been there. Unless someone has raised a climber they don’t get it. Putting a climber in a cot for time out is useless because as soon as your turn your back they are out of that cot and climbing anything else in sight. You are doing a great job, just breath 💜
It is so hard you doing the best you can I yell sometimes to we are all not perfect my mum yelled at me and smacked me When I was a kid
My second child is my hard one she’s stubborn she used to scream Al day for me I put her in daycare and got myself job and went to doctors I’m on antidepressants now and taking B vitamins I feel so much better
I still yell but not as much lol
Just don’t give in to them you are the mum time out and hope they grow out of it al the best
I have found 2 year old and especially 3 year old thus far the hardest part of parenting.
It is just a stage they go through, where they build autonomy , independence, self regulation, become rather naccistic in their actions and quite determined little terrors that have us ripping our hair out.
I feel i majorily got it wrong with my first, did my best but didn't have the same knowledge, supports or environments with my 2nd.
Strategies i use with my 2nd now 3.5 y/o are :
Flat out Redirection
Trying to keep your calm on as you really can't reason with them at this age so role model as much as possible.
Don't get caught in the trap of smacking and hitting were not perfect but it really pathes the way for regret, and tension, they won't always be small one day all those smacks might be when they hit back at you.
Walk away often i feel myself thinking fuck sake fuck this and i just walk away, they generally kick and scream after me. Mine prefer to be outside and often its were i head for a quick distraction.
Sometimes they are just over stimulated and need something, mine often just needs a hug and a bottle and some quiet time and he usually settles.
Most of all i hear myself tell myself its just a stage 20 x a day.
And when i really want to rage.. i say
.. i love you and their name.
When really somedays i just want to rage.
And other times we just need a god damn break and sometimes that break never feels long enough so make sure you find some time to self care daily.
2 is a big step, they realise they can do stuff and haven’t learnt boundaries so they need to be taught. It’s a hard age, consistently telling and explaining over and over they will get it eventually. Redirection/distraction is really good at this age so if they were grabbing a plate, I would make noise like oooh 😮 no and then sing a song and give them something else. Kids have literally watched me take something out of their hands while I’m singing and watched me put it away before they realise what’s happened. So when you want to yell sing instead or fake super nice voice or even scared like quick let’s get out of here. (If applicable) I was raised with yelling, smacks and aggression, when my first turned 2 my mind would swing like I would picture myself belting her aggressively and have huge surge of anger. The behaviour triggered my experience. Mentally I was very aware of it and had to rewire my thoughts. I was a single mum with no outside help and I didn’t want to go down that path so I would literally sigh, count it out, mutter under my breath at times but learnt to stop being so busy with busy work and pay extra attention, listen and use more positive methods in response to independence and desire for child to do things own way. This also meant a life of living with non stop questions and talking opposed to being raised to be seen not heard. It’s quite usual to mirror the way we were raised and repeat the patterns. It takes time but awareness is the beginning, it’s such a hard age but one of the most important in setting up what the path ahead looks like.
Ok, so you say “yelly”, I say concerned! You are doing fine, you’re just really concerned that you’re toddler is going to hurt himself! We have all yelled and lost our shit at our kids! Just relax, as everyone else has said, parks for energy and you’re sanity! Try play groups and libraries and use your support network, but most of all take deep breaths! Put on a soppy movie when he goes to bed and have a good cry as well, it will release some tension, but most of all, don’t be so hard on yourself. Find the joys, however small they may be, and celebrate them like it’s 1999!!
Get help from your doctor or parenting group. It will come back to bite you when he's older. Speaking from experience.
Mhmm life.. we all do it. It’s out of pure frustration when they don’t listen. You are a good mum, because you are acknowledging it. If you find yourself getting stressed or upset wall away go have a coffee do something to distract yourself. It’s an awful feeling and I have just accepted it now that I am
Like his because I don’t want my kids growing up to be disrespectful shits and if this is what it takes to make them decent humans then so be it. I am less hard on myself
Now. It’s bloody hard, tiring work being a mum yet so rewarding. They also do it for attention so I tend to ignore somethings now and deal with other things by losing my shit. Be firm and figure out what to ignore and what not to. You are doing a good job.