Just wanted some much needed advice on how to mentally deal with a sibling who is going through some troubles and as a result has turned to drugs? My brother and I have always been relatively close he’s always been somewhat troubled but since the breakdown of his marriage he’s gone literally off the rails. He is careless, selfish which I can’t really hold against him as he’s also suicidal. He doesn’t answer my calls only if he wants something but my heart can’t deal with the constant thought ‘what if something happens to him’? He knows he needs help but refuses to get it. I don’t know what to do. My other siblings are much more tougher than me so to say and have an attitude like ‘we can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped’. I feel sick every time I think of his situation and breakdown the moment I hear something he’s going through again as a result of his stupid choices. It ruins me completely and my household with young children as I’m not myself. I guess what I’m asking is anyone who has been through this with a sibling or close relative. How do you deal with it?
2 Replies
Wether it’s a sibling, a partner or ex partner the feelings can be really hard to deal with.
I felt the same about my now ex partner. It took a long time for me to learn to set some really healthy, safe boundaries and emotionally come to terms with he is going to do what he is going to do.
You can’t function like this. It’s time to get some counselling for yourself. I really had to learn that this is his journey and his choices. I had to learn not to be so engaged in his life and really keep my distance.
Doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, it doesn’t mean I don’t wish he’d get his shit together and it doesn’t mean I won’t be his biggest cheer leader when he makes some progress.
But I won’t allow my life to fall apart because his is.
Get yourself some coubselling. Set some firm boundaries for you and him (they do benefit from them). You may need to ask people to not communicate with you about him for awhile and that is totally ok. You have to look after you and your babies first.
I have a brother who is a drug addict. We haven't been close ever. He makes bad decisions while taking drugs and our parents chose to keep us safe by not allowing him in the house. He didn't want to get clean. Loved drugs too much
He is now in prison, he stabbed someone whilst high on drugs.
His decisions are just that, his own. You need to do what you have to do to keep yourself safe and your family safe. If that means cutting contact then so be it. Drug addicts are not the people we know and love.... they are strangers