*Trigger Warning*
Ok this is is more of a PSA.
I know some of you will dismiss this post but I hope you at least take the time to really consider it. I also know that parents of kids who are bullied or threatened will wholeheartedly support it.
My 6yr old son came home from holiday care yesterday so angry and upset. The educator had found a letter that an 8yr old had written and given to him.
“You are an idiot. I hate you so much I want to kill you.”
He was so upset and said this is the worst day ever I just want to kill myself.
No parent should ever have to hear their child say that. Especially not from one so young. It was absolutely devastating. My boy is brash and confident and sometimes a little too eager. But is kind and funny and has a great group of friends. This is not something I ever thought I would hear from him.
The appropriate steps have been taken so I’m not looking for advice on what to do next.
What I wanted to talk to you about is inappropriate media exposure that some young children have.
I started thinking about the child that wrote the note. Where does this hatred come from? Obviously there are a lot of options so who is to say. But one that I do constantly worry about is parents who allow their young children to watch or play films or video games that are completely inappropriate. If something is rated M why are children as young as 6 or 7 being exposed to it? Shouldn’t we at least be waiting until they are 11+?
The images they are seeing are affecting their still developing brain in ways you can’t understand. Allowing your young child to play Fortnite or watch the Superhero movies is irresponsible. They are graphic and you are exposing young minds to ideas and thoughts that they are not ready to process. It’s so easy to get caught up in the attitude that they are mature enough because they seem like they are in so many other ways. But realistically they’re not.
There are so many articles you can read and google about this subject. Please take the time to educate yourself and make good choices about the content that you expose your children to. Let’s try and minimise aggression and bullying and if changing viewing habits helps even in a small way then I think that’s a win for everyone. 🙏🏻
11 Replies
Couldn’t agree more! Our children are exposed to way more than they need to be.
I’m so sorry for your son, I too had a similar incident occur to me as a kid and i still think about it now.
My husband and I were having this discussion last night, granted we only have a toddler but we were talking about not wanting him exposed to certain content and behaviours.
I think you’d find this was even occurring when our parents were kids - they just weren’t typed and printed.
There will always be angry and resentful people in society. Let’s be conscious of helping our children not to be those people and giving them resilience so as not to feed the bullies
I’m always amazed at what people let there kids watch.
Just because it’s a cartoon, doesn’t mean it’s for kids. Just because it’s a game, doesn’t mean it’s for kids. Just because it’s a children’s movie doesn’t mean it’s for a 4 year old.
However bullying has occurred since time began and what happened to me happened well before the internet, video games etc.
We seem to be a bit more aware today about the damage bullying does, but we have a lot of work to do as a society still as far as the bullies and building resilience in our kids.
Look, I agree to an extent.
The things some people let their kids watch has had me raising my eyebrows a few times (a person on my online mother's group recently mentioned she was taking her 9 year old to see the new Child's Play and Pet Semetary movies 😳). YouTube is another platform that can be potentially insidious.
I also think some children are more inclined to be heavily influenced by the things they watch and other external factors beyond movies and TV, that's something parents do need to take into consideration.
However, I do think laying blame on visual content in such scenarios is both futile and a bit of a cop out. I can remember getting mean notes in primary school and we had much less access to technology than modern kids. My grandmother grew up in a childrens home in the great depression, some of her tales about the bullying she endured would make your hair stand on end and they didn't even have access to a radio!
My son had seen every Marvel/DC movie that existed at that point in time when he was this age. My daughter who is currently 7 has been besotted with Wonder Woman, Super Girl etc and now Captain Marvel since she was probably 3 or 4.
To be frank, i don't need some Google article to tell me what to allow/disallow my kids to watch when it really comes down to common sense.
They are both gentle, kind, considerate, empathetic and respectful children who have a good grasp on the differences between tv and reality (because I have taught them) and im not just saying that because im biased as their mum, this sentiment has also been shared by their teachers and parents of their friends. On the flip side, my step sister was very sheltered in this sense, she was a mean spirited child and is now a mean spirited adult. Probably had something to do with the fact she was spoilt and allowed to behave like a brat, never had consequences or boundaries....
Generally, i think what happened to your son (which is awful and it breaks my heart that he felt so hurt) comes from a child who has poor impulse control and lacks the tools to interact with their peers in an appropriate way. It's often a power thing too, i notice this child is a bit older than yours, i wouldn't be at all surprised if they've been on the receiving end of such behaviour themselves.
I hope your son can pick himself back up and realise that some people can be mean for absolutely no reason sometimes and that's not a reflection of him, it's a reflection of them.
I definitely agree with the points you raise.
I do believe though the mean notes have escalated. I mean “go kill yourself” was certainly not thrown around when I was at school. We are so aware these days and sometimes I think kids pick up on this and use it as weapons. I may have been naive but suicide was an abstract concept to me even in my early 20s. I had not personally known or known of anyone affected.
The bully’s I went to school with used their fists more than their words to hurt you. I’m actually not sure what’s worse these days. Words can be just as hurtful as a physical assault. Certainly longer lasting.
Kids today take it one step further and video and upload an assault to prolong the humiliation.
Raising strong kind empathetic resilient children is our only hope!
That's a good point. I do think "go kill yourself" seems to be the trendy thing to say these days and I'm certain most children don't understand the seriousness of such a statement. I had a fair understandingof suicide at that age, mainly because there's a history of mental illness in my family but like you, I'm sure most people/kids who haven't experienced it, it is an abstract concept.
Actually saw an adult tell someone to go kill themself on some article i was reading a while back because someone disagreed with them (the article was about the royal family of all things 🙄), so I think social media has played a part in giving people the opportunity to spew their hatred with little to no repercussions.
But in saying that, they guy who gave me a hard time in high school once told me to "f**k off and die" because I unfortunately graced him with my presence in my own classroom, i grew up in the 90s/00s and bullying in my day was 100% emotional torture. I dunno, maybe we just here about such behaviour more these days.
There are so many hateful and unstable people in the world, it's a bit scary.
I finished school in ‘99. I absolutely wouldn’t want to be a teenager in this day and age.
You are100% correct we hear about it more! Mostly I believe from a perspective where we want to do better. We are yet to come up with a way or ways that are effective.
Thank you for the constructive conversation! It’s very refreshing that often when you reply to people’s comments they take it as a personal attack!
Its so sad your boy understands the concept of 'killing yourself'. My 6&8 year old would have no concept of this, and my 11 year old has only heard/undertood this term in the last 12-18months. It is disturbing what kids so young come out with 😔
My son is 8.he tells me that this is a fairly common type of comment. I don't mean to be flippant, it upsets him and is awful... But it's actually a typical way of expressing anger/dislike for an 8 year old. The appropriate response is explaining that saying that is wrong and mean and teaching him how to appropriately address an issue. And that if he just dislikes your son for no reason, he needs to learn that you don't have to like everyone but you need to be kind regardless. For your son, he is actually expressing his emotions similarly. He's catastrophising his words to express he's upset but most children who say this aren't actually suicidal. Remind him of all the things he loves and that he is loved. Don't dismiss it but recognise it's a moment in time and help him manage that.
Oh my goodness. I feel for your son going through that but video games and especially superhero movies are not irresponsible at all! You’re blaming the wrong thing entirely. I was brought up on violent video games, violent, gory movies and even saw real dead bodies in a police newsletter at a very young age. I’m 33, nothing wrong with me, I don’t bully and I certainly don’t tell people I want to kill them. It’s about upbringing and how the parents are with the children. I don’t wrap my kids up in cotton wool, and yes they have played fortnite amongst other games, they have not got a mean bone in their body, they are sweet, good natured boys, with a great set of friends. They’ve been bullied themselves, they would never ever do the bullying. Perhaps turn your ‘good intentions’ somewhere else, video games and movies are NOT to blame, you cannot sit there and preach that other parents need to do this and that. Focus on your own kids