Would like help with the mental load.
We have an 8 and a 5 year old. I have been super lucky to work in an industry that has allowed ‘child friendly’ hours while our kids are little. I have been transitioning to more hours each year as my kids grow and spend more time with school, and am now doing full time hours. However I am still doing all the what I would call the ‘mental load’ with the household. Hubby is always willing to help out when asked, but I am the one that knows what time activities start, who needs to be where (school /dancing/ football etc) at what time. I can answer who the doctors/ teachers/ friends names are. I do the shopping and the food prep for the week. I physically and mentally organised everything and basically tell hubby you will be here when needed. I don’t know how to let go or how to ask hubby to step up and take over. Sorry if that was a bit confusing I am trying to let go a little more and need some advice on how to say it.
4 Replies
Leave him an itemised list with times to do things , including any names of important ppl. And get him to check the list constantly .
Girl, I totally feel for you. And I can completely relate! My partner is exactly the same 🙄 And my father was the same with my mother.
It is so damn tiring, isn’t it.
I ended up writing all important info down. Netball/soccer game times - even the coaches f-ing names ffs! Appointments, when bills are due & how much etc.
And I give him a list of jobs for the week that I need help with, we work out together when they need to be done by.
It’s also okay to set boundaries and look after yourself! - I stop making dinner and washing everyone’s clothes when I’m fed up of being taken advantage of. Gets through to my family quite quickly 😂
Family meetings. Sit down and discuss what’s coming up for the week on a Sunday night. You at least feel like part of a team player and it allows time for delegation and volunteering for certain tasks throughout the week. Have a family calander so not everything is requiring your brain to function.
It can take some time but you can get there..
Can you pick one or two things and make him solely responsible? Maybe washing clothes is a good place to start? Give him exact instructions and say if these aren’t done, if affects us all. Give him soccer duties, tell him you don’t want to know a thing about it except where and when you need to be there. Don’t give him too much at once, just start out small and build from there