Hi ladies,
I’m angry at my step daughters mother.
I mean really mad please tell me if I’m being unreasonable.
My step daughter just got picked up from her mother it is 15 degrees outside and 3pm so the sun is going down and it’s really windy.
We live about 15 minutes walk from each other and the mother walked up with the child’s bike and said they could stop to play at the park.
My step daughter has recently been off daycare because of a cold and now her mother wants to take her out in the cold again to get sick am I being unreasonable I pulled both my daughter and step daughter inside about 2pm because of the cold and not wanting either of them to get sick.
Is it just me or does this woman just not have any brains. The last 2 Saturday’s we picked her up in just her dancing leotard no jacket or anything her mother simply said she doesn’t want one on (my opinion is it’s cold tell her to put a jacket on so she doesn’t get sick again) one week we had to take her to an afternoon concert and had to leave almost straight away we had to wrap a blanket around her because we were not given a jacket or anything warm to put on her and we didn’t have time to run home and get her warm clothes. I’m thinking of my step daughters best interests trying to keep her out of the cold so she doesn’t get sick yet her mother doesn’t seem to care
Step parenting
Step parenting
Posted in:
Behaviour
31 Replies
You don’t get sick from being in the cold weather. You get sick from being around germs. You are more likely to get sick in winter because you breath in people’s germs inside.
Gosh I grew up in the snowy mountains we played outside all the time in freezing weather. People in Scandinavian countries (snow) out there babies outside in the snow.
Sitting inside breathing in everyone’s germs makes you sick.
You are being extremely unreasonable.
You're being well uptight about this!
Where I live it barely gets above 10 for the majority of Winter, you'll see kids out riding their scooters til it's gets dark wearing bloody shorts!
God help my kids step mother if she carried on about me taking my kids for a bike ride at 3pm on a 15 degree day. Utterly ridiculous!
She’s at daycare so I’m guessing under 5? Sure I would be a wee bit upset too only because if I’m cold I believe my kids are too and make them put on a jumper 😂
However I wouldn’t be too angry with mum, I’d just pack a jumper and warm clothes in the future. What mum does in her time is her business and what you do is yours. Im not saying that to be mean either. But I’ve been raising my step daughter for a long time (she’s 18 now, still lives with me even though I’m seperate from her dad over 3 years) and found something are just not worth the animosity between families.
As others have said you don’t catch a cold from being cold. You get it from a virus.
Actually for those that have said you can’t get sick from being in the cold actually the cold weather lowers your immune system and gets in your lungs if the child has recently been sick her immune system is significantly lowered already so being out in the cold is probably not good and the germs in the cold air and at the park will probably make her sick again.
If I were her I would be pissed as well
I didn’t know this! Thanks for educating me. My doctor always tells me my kids won’t get a cold from being cold 😄
Germs are more likely to spread though in warm contained environment so keeping them in doors with the heating on is arguably just as bad.
It’s not the cold weather it’s the exposure to sick people
Cold temperature lowering immunity is much more extreme than 15 degrees lol. Plus, the child was being active so her body temp would have been maintained. The other mums are right, you get sick from viruses and bacteria, not temperature. In colder months we close up our homes and limit going outside, thus increasing breathing in germs due to enclosed environments.
Exactly! The fresh air and exercise probably did the kid some good anyway.
15 degrees where I'm from is practically beach weather lol!
Ummm you do know that you don’t get unwell directly from being in the cold? It’s a spread of germs, a viral infection generally that is passed from person to person. If she had a warm jacket on sounds fine. It’s great for kids to get outdoors and get some fresh air.
However if it bothers you, could you possibly bring it up next time? Though it may cause a lot of tension
Some kids don't feel the cold! I used to force jumpers and jackets on my son until one day he had a febrile convulsion! Apparently I had overdressed him, we were at a river all day in the middle of July and everyone was freezing with jumpers and jackets on. He was non stop running around until he just dropped to the ground. We are lucky here in Australia, we don't have fatally cold winter days, we can let our kids choose how many layers they wear. Mum sounds like she knows what she's doing, stop knocking her.
You don't get sick being in cold weather. You're mad for her mum taking her to the park and riding her bike - choose your battles better. You get to impose those kinds of things in your own time you don't get to do it to the child's parent and should be careful of judgement and negativity over the small things.
Imagine post from Mum - "So I just walked to my exes to pick up my daughter so she could ride her bike home. Ex and his partner knew she was riding home with a stop at the park but they just handed her back with no jumper on! It's really cold outside today."
See how it can go both ways? The other thing too that you all should do regardless is take a spare set of clothes with you! I always do. Or you could always send a text saying "we are going to an outdoor concert straight from picking up child, it will be cold so can she please bring a warm jacket? Cheers"
Despite popular belief you don’t get sick from being in cold weather. Are you sure you don’t have underlying contemp?
My 6 year old runs hot. It’s a massive battle to get him to wear jumpers. Especially to AFL training he has to wear the uniform without anything even cold winter nights after dark and all day Sunday after a game. The pride they have is amazing. Prob same with the girls dancing uniform.
Just stop there, you are a step mother so nothing you say or how you feel will every be taken seriously. You will always be accused of sticking your nose in and under minding the mother. Do you self a favour and take a massive step back
This does in this example seem a little petty in all fairness. And tbh quite judgemental.
Nothing to do with being a step mum. I would say the same thing to anyone.
I would say this to any adult that thought the temperature was the reason colds/flus are more prevalent in winter. It's misinformed and has nothing to do with step parenting.
Honey you’ll get no joy here - step mums hell. We aren’t allowed to care or have an opinion.
Apparently none of these fools have seen how quickly a child with a cold can deteriorate outside on a cold windy day.
You’re not being unreasonable but it’s not your fight. Her father will need to address it and all you can do is an for it in future by packing warm clothes.
I’m sure if I had written in complaining about how my ex husband used to allow my daughter to play outside in winter in a summer dress I would have got a completely different response. Guess who had to then pick her up and take time off work to care for her or be up during the night whilst she coughed??!!
Geez back off hounds - she’s a step mum who actually cares.
You're joking right!? I think there is more to it than just the cold day with u! Like alot of others have said...cold does not cause you to be sick, it is the transfer of germs/ virus from person to person. Germs need warm habitat to survive, hence why humans have/carry them in their warm bodies!
My sons step mother is petty like this poster too . Seriously, stay out of it unless shes in genuine danger . Not your child to be criticizing what her own mother does regarding her .
Ask any doctor or nurse and you will be told that you can’t catch a cold from being in the cold. It’s a virus passed from person to person.
We co-parent with my ex husband and one thing we all agree on is that we each don’t have any say about the rules and ways of life in the other home. Our home is our business just as his home is his.
For the sake of your children, please be respectful towards all of the parents whether you agree with them or not. The children love and respect all of you and they need to see that that is ok. They also don’t want to hear you bad mouthing anyone that they love.
She will be fine to play in the cold, jumper or not. My kids refuse to wear anything but shorts to school year round. They’re 10 and 12 and rarely sick. Kids a resilient. Just breathe Mumma and love your kids ❤️
Ask any doctor or nurse and you will be told that you can’t catch a cold from being in the cold. It’s a virus passed from person to person.
We co-parent with my ex husband and one thing we all agree on is that we each don’t have any say about the rules and ways of life in the other home. Our home is our business just as his home is his.
For the sake of your children, please be respectful towards all of the parents whether you agree with them or not. The children love and respect all of you and they need to see that that is ok. They also don’t want to hear you bad mouthing anyone that they love.
She will be fine to play in the cold, jumper or not. My kids refuse to wear anything but shorts to school year round. They’re 10 and 12 and rarely sick. Kids a resilient. Just breathe Mumma and love your kids ❤️
I can completely understand your concern here. But I think you’ll have to let this one slide.
We all parent differently and while some of this stuff in incomprehensible to you- it doesn’t mean it’s all wrong.
Unless there is an immediate threat of harm you’ll have to pick your battles.
Stay strong, you obviously love your step daughter so much ❤️❤️❤️
Very nice comment, I love reading nice comments towards step parents, happen so rarely
I would say that you parent the way you want to parent and let the Mother parent the way that she wants to parent.
As a child i lived in tshirts and shorts most days, even in winter, i was warm blooded. However my youngest child feels the cold and i need to rug her up.
The childs Mum isn't being irresponsible at all, she is just choosing her battles with the child wisely.
I think that you need to be a bit more graceful..
The issue here isn't the weather. That's entirely a matter of perspective. 15° to me is mild but not cold, 15° to the next person might be utterly freezing. We are all accustomed to our own preferences, temperatures and climates. Naturally that means everyone's idea of weather appropriate clothing and activities is going to vary.
What I perceive to be the problem is the negative tone you've used here. To suggest bio mum doesn't care about her kid and - to use your phrase - " doesn't have any brains" is quite unfair and not particularly constructive.
You have kids yourself, surely you might have had a spare jacket or jumper that you could have offered!?
You/Dad could try communicating. I.e. "Could you please pack Little Miss some warm clothes/coat/etc because we're planning on doing X,Y, Z and she might need them".
Failing that You/Dad could buy her a few jackets for your house instead of complaining that mum never packs one.
It just seems like the solutions are quite simple.
How awful you must be to co-parent with.
Judgey judgey woman you are.
The one with no brains is you because the only way you get sick is by catching a virus or bacteria. The cold does nothing and in fact it’s actually good for your lungs and body to breathe in some cold air occasionally.
At the end of the day, you can worry about this child? You can love this child.
But everything else, back the fuck off!!
She is loved, fed, clothed, cared for, you don’t know her mother’s story or how hard or easy her life is.
When you become a step parent you need to understand that you aren’t coming in on page one, so take a step back, try being nice with this mother, try a friendship, try having a cuppa, try getting to know her.
Stop trying to control and judge and be a bitter difficult step Mum. Because if you turn it into a fight/drama, you won’t win.
Sorry but I think you are being a bit to aggressive against this post. She is obviously asking if she is overreacting. Stepparenting is a very difficult task and I think it's easy to judge when you have to coparent. Bio mum probably has plenty to bitch about too. I think it's Greta that step mum is so caring even t h o u g h i think it's overreacting. If I was reading you post as a step mum, I would probably cry myself to sleep because u didn't just simply answer her question that she had, you also had the need to insult her and make her feel worthless. I think nobody can judge from this post what rights she has and what not. We don't know how close she is to that child. Posters like youre the reason why I never posted when u needed advise as a step mum because it makes us feel unworthy because it's difficult enough to do everything a parent does and then never be accepted and judged. Not cool. She needed a question answered, so be it but no need to have a go at step-parent rights because we have no idea about the background story
Yes, the fathers partner is over reacting. She’s NOT the mother, the child has a mother and she needs to stop being narcissistic and back off.
I think as long as the kid doesn't have a fever it should be able to be outside and play.
I would understand the point if she was having a sprinkler party for the kids in the yard at 10 degrees but I think it's totally fine in clothes.
My step daughter has been sick and yes cold weather can make it worse but you just got a make sure they are wearing warm enough clothes including footwear to avoid the cold getting worse.
I think it's a bit to much to say that she can't be outside at all. Kids will get sick all the time and Wether it's viral or bacterial, once they have it, all you can do is giving them everything to make it better.
The Bio mum of my stepchild even gets up me if I give bubba an iceblock when she has a cold which I also find overreacting but everyone has different ideas. But I personally think you are overreacting but maybe you would treat u our own kids just like that.
Do you have narcissistic tendencies. To me it sounds like it. She’s not your daughter. You did not push the child out of you Virginia and she has a mother. You are merely a babysitter whist she’s spending time with her father.