How do you handle someone who asks ALOT of you? I have a friend who I’ve been helping out but as time goes on, it’s more and more.
It started off with little things here and there, and now it’s turned into asking for favours daily up to 3-4 times. Whether it’s lifts, money, food you name it. I didn’t mind helping her in the beginning because I thought she was having a rough time, I’m willing to help anyone if it’s returned- I’m a single mum with 3 kids on benefits and my money is allocated to certain things. So I definitely can’t go without 20 or 50 here or there. But I’m realising after being around her more, that she’s not budgeting her money, spending it on shit that isn’t needed. Basically lives the good life for a few days then spends the rest of the week with no food in the house.
But it’s reached a point where I’m not even getting money that I’ve lent back.
I’ve been making her sons lunch everyday for the last 3 weeks, driving him to school you name it. I’m not used to having friends like this, so I’m not sure how to handle this situation.
It’s like she has no realisation that it’s too much? Part of me feels like I’m definitely being taken for a ride, but I don’t know because it just seems so normal for her to ask this much of someone.
Friend asking too much?
Friend asking too much?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
8 Replies
I have no problem now saying no. No explanation needed. Just not today. Just say I can't do this anymore. Give no explanation it will be good for you. If she has the cheek to ask you, tell her straight that you're a single mum, not a mug. You're worth more.
Im gonna give you a few tips here.
1. Help people only because you want to and if you are in the position to. Don't do it with the expectation of future reciprocation, you'll set yourself up for disappointment and ultimately resentment if that person can't or won't return the favour.
2. Don't ever lend money if you can't afford to never see it again. Don't lend money if it leaves you short. Don't lend money if previous amount hasn't yet been repaid. Don't feel obliged to lend it at all if you don't want to, genuine friends wouldn't put you in that position consistently.
3. Say no! If you don't want to do something she's asking of you - don't!
4. Be upfront with her! Tell her you're starting to feel taken advantage of, let her know that you have a limit!
5. Don't allow people to use you!
It's a bit redundant to complain about a friend who takes advantage whilst simultaneously complying with all their demands. Know your worth and assert yourself (again, see point 3).
6. Reassess the friendship.
Any healthy relationship is a ballanced combination of give and take.
If she doesn't make you feel good about yourself, doesn't support you, isn't there for you figuratively and literally, ask yourself what (if any) positives you're gaining from this friendship and whether or not they outweigh all the negatives!
This isn’t a friend. This is a user. Genuine friends don’t treat there friends this way. That’s why you’ve never come across it before.
If she is your friend she would recognise that you are doing it just as tough as her and she wouldn’t have the balls to ask.
You just start saying no. If that upsets her then she definitely wasn’t your friend.
Mate, don't lend money if you can't afford it. Say no.
Don't help people with the assumption it will be returned in the future.
Don't put someone else above your own wellbeing or your family's well-being.
There was someone else with a similar 'friend' a while back on here, she got really good advice from everyone! For her to do this to you continually when you're a single parent yourself is just really poor form. My advice to the other Mum was just stop doing it, stop saying yes. It might be awkward at first but explain why you can't keep doing it. If she is only using you then you will probably find you don't hear from her anymore because you have nothing to give her.
No it's a complete sentence. You don't even need to explain that you've had enough of being used in such a way.
She is taking the piss out of you.! I’ve had friends who have done this for me. I am
Genuine and do things because I like it but it’s very obvious for me when these people were using me and getting what they could out of me. It was hurtful to realise if I had nothing to give them they weren’t bothered with me or my kids. It took me a long time but I cut them off now for good. I have never felt so good. These people were draining and I don’t know how people like that live with themselves. I’ve always been taught to give and help. Some people weren’t brought up like this and take advantage of the situation. Do yourself a favour and cut her off. It’s about you now and you need to stop doing what you are doing else you will get hurt and used more. She doesn’t deserve you as a friend. You deserve real friends. The friends who ask for nothing and it feels natural to help each other out.
She is taking advantage of you. I used to have a ‘friend’ like this and I had to let her go.
Someone once told me...There are givers and takers in this life. The givers sleep better and the takers eat better.
Just don’t be available. Distance yourself. I stepped away from this kind of friendship and I haven’t looked back. Don’t be a doormat. You have your own family to look after first.