I'm so over being a mum.
I'm a sole parent with 3 kids. No father on the scene. I live 3 states away from any family. I haven't had a break from my children, since the birth of my last child 3 years ago. I have childcare twice a week but have just given notice on 1 day as it's too expensive doing 2 days a week. 2 kids are school aged and they do sport 3 times a.week I can't stop it as they are very very good at it. I find it hard to control my 3 year old while they are practising or at games.
I'm currently sitting in the garage crying after I told the eldest I needed a break. I have no help from anyone. I have great friends.and I'm not lonely but none of them are so for parents they all have supportive partners and family. The last time I asked for help from my family the response I got was. You chose to have the kids and move you reap the consequence.
Help...
6 Replies
Yes, being a sole parent is hard. I found once I got back in the work force things improved because I wasn’t with my kid ALL the time. I also had cash that I could pay a babysitter occasionally.
The early years are the hardest. As the kids get older it generally gets easier.
I found self care at this age was a long bath when the kids were in bed or something.
Please don’t unload emotionally on your children. It’s not there fault and they can’t do anything about your support system. Your children can’t give you a break.
If you need and understanding person to talk to you can ring lifeline or go to a counsellor.
What you can do is teach your children routines and self sufficiency in an age appropriate manner that lightens your load. For example doing chores etc. Playing sport and extra curricular activities are a priviledge and you need to earn that by picking up your toys, making sure your dirty clothes are in the hamper, putting folded clothes away etc
Is it possible the children can go live with their dad?
The imperfect mum Facebook Page has posted your post and there are some great responses
Please don’t talk to the kids no matter the age. My SiL was the shoulder for her mum and as an adult it near broke her took many years to get over it. As for a break can you work? It’s a great way to connect to adults and make life more than about the kids. And with money comes freedom. I suspect you family are bitter they may have told you not o go. It’s unfortunately it there life to fly in and fix. In 2 years your youngest will be at school and you will have more time to regroup. Hang in there.
Hire a babysitter once a month and take yourself to dinner and a movie.
Date yourself. Have time to yourself. You can do it mumma. Look after yourself
Oh mumma, I can totally understand this. Sounds like you are burnt out and need a break so please be kind to yourself.
What do you do on the day that the kids are at school/care? I think you really need that day for R&R at home or somewhere relaxing and free, no matter what. Phone only on for school numbers and all else can wait til the end of the day. I think this is the only way you can pull through.
I also take very short mindful breaks through the day that I can do with kids. Eg drink a tea in the yard, a short breathing exercise, short easy stretches, a short walk, put on a face cream, a short grounding exercise, eat a small treat, put on a nice fresh shirt, look at affirmations, etc. I listen to music and just stop and play with or take photos or videos of my kids and text people to chat.
I also find being a single parent can be lonely. Do you chat to people online, or the phone or have play dates to interact with other mums?
And, being completely on your own, you need to have reasonable expectations of your standards with things and firmly prioritise. You are only one person and your adult to child ratio is 3:1. I do what makes sense for us on a day to day basis and sometimes get through each hour. I also have my school kids in very good routines and systems and they are involved in pitching in at home.
Honestly, I think it will be better when all 3 of yours are at school.