Our 8yo turning 9yo daughter told my husband in the car on the way home today that she likes girls. My husband asked what she meant and she said as in “I have a crush on my friend and she makes me nervous in my stomach”
She couldn’t wait to get home to tell me too.
We don’t care if she likes girls/boys or both when she grows up. We are a very open family and just want our kids to be happy. My question, is she to young to really know? I talked to her about it and she said “no mum, I just feel different than my friends and I get butterflies in my tummy around (friend)” I asked her if she’d told her friend this and she said “yes, but not that I was crushing on her, but she was cool with it and said I could like anyone I wanted” I literally want to high five her friend for being so awesome and accepting.
I guess this got my husband and I talking, I always knew I liked boys from a young age and little girls of that age do have harmless crushes but I can’t recall ever crushing on one of my girlfriends. So, does she in fact know at this age?
Before she went to bed tonight she gave me the biggest hug and said “I feel so much better now I’ve told someone”
I don’t know what I am asking really - did you know you were gay/lesbian at a young age?
7 Replies
I'm not a lesbian but they can know that young. You don't need to do anything different with her. My daughter told me she thought she was bi at 12 and then followed that with boyfriend's for the next 4 years so I thought maybe she was just confused when she said that, but she then got a girlfriend. I was wrong to think she was confused, I know now that straight kids don't question it or feel the need to announce their sexual preference.
Op here - of course, we would never treat her any differently at all. We are a very open a
family, this helps with both my husband and I being in creative fields and some of our friends being in same sex relationships. I just didn’t expect my nearly 9 year old to come to me with this at her age. When I think about it she’s always been different from her peers, she hates anything girly and would rather have her head buried in a book or drawing. All her closest friendships have been with boys until now, but her friend is also very tomboyish and is her only girlfriend. She’s never been one to follow the norm and I love her for her individuality and being able to be her own person without trying to fit in. She’s well liked and adjusted, but I had noticed something had been on her mind lately - she puts a lot of pressure on herself in a lot of areas so I thought she was just anxious about school. She is in a grade above what she should be so all her friends are a year older too.
You’re right, I certainly knew I liked boys when I was younger so it’s wrong of me to question what she feels inside. Parenting is never easy is it? I’m just glad she came to us like it was no big deal, because it isn’t and shouldn’t be.
If I knew that young that I had a crush on a boy, then she can definitely know.
Nothing different to do. She obviously feels very comfortable and safe.
Well done
I think you’re doing everything perfect here but I think teaching young girls about self respect in relationships is key weather she dated guys or girls in the future. Teach her to not let someone treat her in a manner she doesn’t like and for her to be respectful in a relationship as well
Op here - 100%, we instil healthy relationships in all our children, it’ll be no different whether she is with a boy or girl :-)
I, a female, can remember having crushes on boys at around this age, i can't remember it being a conscious "I like boys" thought but just one of those things that developed naturally. I can't imagine it would be much different for people who are attracted to the same gender!
I guess everyone's different, some people have been very sure of their sexuality from a young age and it can take other people years to figure it out.
It may be an early sign of her sexuality, it may not. I do think kids are quite open to suggestion though so I think it's wise not to over analyze things 8 year olds say. I tend to say things to my kids, in these personal scenarios like "That's nice (insert appropriate adjective) darling, im glad you feel comfortable talking to me about this stuff" and then I just wait for them to discuss it with me again because i don't want to push the issue.
Your daughter is obviously going to be fine either way, you sound like vert accepting, open minded parents so she's very lucky regardless ☺
I'm currently studying social work and in my readings this week there was mention of a study done that found that the average age of awareness of gay or lesbian orientation is 10 years old whereas the average age of coming out to a friend is 16 and to family is 17. I think the fact your daughter can verbalise her feelings to you and your husband is a credit to you both