Hi, my nearly 12yr old daughter is having issues with her sexuality and I have no idea what to do. I have a wonderful beautiful intelligent and sensitive daughter. We have had talks about being tolerant, different sexes and races. I am very open with her. As she has gone into.puberty, she has felt uncomfortable with her changing body and has become a tomboy even wearing boys clothes. She asks would I mind if if she is gay and tell her I don't care who u choose to love as long as u r happy. I feel she doesn't need to figure it all out now and there is no need to label herself. Any advice?
6 Replies
I have worked in an all girls school for over 10 years as a pastoral leader (catholic school) and this is a very common and natural thing for girls to go through. During puberty they tend to question a lot of things (hormones have a huge part in this). With your open mind and love you have for your daughter she will work out who she is. She may not be the only one “labelling” herself in her school year at the moment. She may be gay or she maybe going through a stage where she is questioning her sexuality. I wouldn’t be worried about her labelling herself. During these years girls tend to be very accepting. I often hear girls say “oh she thought she was gay but she isn’t, she has a boyfriend now...”. Either way you are doing the best thing, showing her that you love and accept her no matter what! Well done mumma.
Just keep loving her. Tell her she is loved no matter what and that she can tell you anything.
She will work through it in her own time. A lot of us say we will be supportive etc but in the background are making jokes or comments that make it seem otherwise to the person.
So it’s a good time to be aware about any jokes, phrases or insults that we use that are so engrained in our every day language that we have forgotten what they mean.
Let her label herself if that's what she needs to do. Of course she doesn't need to figure it all out now. It may change it the future but for now if she is identifying as gay just do what you are doing and support her.
My 12 year old has hit the same roadblock. While she doesn’t dress as a tomboy she is struggling with her sexuality, she’s already spoken to family who really couldn’t care less as long as she’s happy but her friends have been a whole different kettle of fish. While speaking to Miss 12 about it and explaining the hormone business she said there hasn’t been a time she can ever remember feeling different. When she said that I understood it probably isn’t just hormones at all. It’s a confusing time and we’ve decided all we can do is be there for the rough stuff and love her unconditionally. Be proud our kids have been able to be honest in their feelings!
I went through this with my 12 yr old , told me she is bi sexual . Told her I don’t care what her preferences are , I will love and accept her no matter what . I did think maybe she was confused ..... but she’s now 15 and definitely still considers herself bi sexual and we discuss her crushes etc openly boy or girl 😊
Listen.honour. Trust
Believe in our kids, no matter how young. They know themselves. Probably better than we know ourselves.