Hi mum's, I think my ex husband is playing me for a fool and I don't know how to go about it.
I never actually wanted child support involved, as I wanted it to be a private agreement between us, but Centrelink insisted on it.
Anyway, my ex husband is meant to be paying me $180 a week, even though we are 50/50 with the kids. He earns quite a high wage, while I work part time.
He told me that part of his child support would be him paying off the debts that were also in my name. 2 of the 3 debts have now been paid off. He also said he would buy the majority of school associated things, but I contribute to school supplies a lot too.
Last week he let me know he was paying off one of the second debts which would leave him with absolutely no money, so he asked if I could refrain from asking him for money even though the kids were with me last week, I only ever ask him for money for the kids. As in for food and petrol. I get on average maybe $50-$100 max from him when I ask for it.
Anyway, after crying poor to me, he went to Melbourne for 3 nights, bought concert tickets, then went to dinner and a show on another night. I hardly think this means he has no money.
I want to keep this as civil as possible, I am trying to get along and be nice to him for the kids sake. I don't know what to do about this situation. He even cried poor for the next week I have the kids, saying he has a phone bill to pay, so he won't have any money. This seems to be happening more and more and I don't know what to do.
Is my ex husband taking advantage of me?
Is my ex husband taking advantage of me?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
25 Replies
Arrange child support to be collected through CSA
Child support is totally separate from any debts occurred during the relationship.
The debts are supposed to be handled during the financial settlement and if he chooses to pay for school supplies that is on top of child support.
Get child support to start collecting from now on.
If it is all through Centrelink, he will have to pay up when he lodges his tax return surely?
No, because I stupidly agreed to a private agreement with him. He was going to pay everything school related and then give me financial help when I needed it.
If you are saying stupidly agreed then maybe you should ring CSA and have them collect it for you. Tell them he isn’t paying and they’ll make him. He won’t have a choice.!
Why would you want to still rely on him? Having to ask for a hand out, so he’s still controlling you?
Get CSA to collect. You can still have an amicable arrangement without crossing boundaries. Go see Relationships Australia if you haven’t already.
Guys like this don’t do stuff to benefit you, it’s generally to save themselves money.
Who’s debt was it anyway? How long were you together?
Get achild support to collect for you. When I split with my ex I took on the car debt becasue I was keeping it and he took on the personal loan debt that I asked him not to get, but he got anyway. It’ll be more amicable getting child support to collect for you so you’re not asking him for anything. Private collect is for those who can do it without a problem. My ex pays me every week and never cries poor to me becasue he knows I don’t give a fuck. If he has to call me and ask if he can pay me double the next week I’m cool with that. But he better not be ringing me telling me he’s broke and then go away for three days and buy himself some concert tickets. How do you even know this stuff? I wouldn’t have a clue what my ex is up to. He’s my ex for a reason. I don’t need to know what he’s up to on a daily basis.
We WERE able to do it amicably, but it seems more and more he is taking advantage of me. I find things out through our kids, social media, his family.... Even HE tells me things. Maybe I am being way too nice. On the phone right now to child support
Because he has gotten away with it once, he has then continued to take the piss. Make him repay it. Stop being so nice and ring CSA to collect it if he doesn’t pay it back. He is a fool because he is going to ruin this for himself in future.
You’re being naive, not ‘Nice’
Stand up to him
Oh and don’t follow him on social media. Tell the fam and kids not to tell you what he is doing
Get busy living your own life. You’ve got half the time to yourself. Go get a young hot lover 😉
CSA Collect
I think if you want to keep things nice write up a list of things the kids need regularly paying, eg.
Child one has to see specialist every 3 months - $300
Sports fees averaged out- $80 a week
Child two asthma meds $50 a month
Haircuts $100 every 2 months
Write it all down and see if you can get him to commit to paying the equivalent of the child support he should be paying. Explain that the next step will be CSA Collect.
Don't be guilt tripped by him!
Nah this is crap mate. Its just complicating things. Just ring the child support agency and ask them to change it to have them collect it on your behalf. Nice and simple. I totally get your previous view but its not working and will eventually, sooner or later, cause a blow up between you.
Well he only has one option. He either pays you extra that he missed out on paying or tell him that you are ringing child support and they will collect it from him. Make him pay and don’t let him get away with it. I do understand he is repaying the debt and you are taking this into account. It is hard for him but he is taking the piss out of you. He is better off being upfront telling you, he is going away and money will be a bit tight can he make it up over a few weeks. You are losing money from centrelink as they expect you to be paid his full amount. Tell him child support will collect it, see how he likes that.
I wish I deleted this question before it went to Facebook. I swear most women don't actually read the whole question 😡 I'm far from a money grabbing woman. I'm entitled to $180 PER WEEK and I don't get it. All these women assuming I am getting that PLUS asking for more. Debts are in his name too! Not just mine. The money I get from him is only for the kids. I don't use it for my own benefit
Just ignore the fb replies. Don't take it personally and let it get you down. I would definitely get CS to collect from now on. It cuts out the middle man and just avoids all the bullshit. When I first started receiving child support I tried to do it all nice and do private collect. All that happened was I was continuously asking for money and when he did pay me, it was often short. So I switched and it just took that stress away.
It's so hard not to take it personally. They can be so nasty, and half the people commenting obviously have no idea what they are talking about in regards to child support. Even I was shocked I was entitled to that much when we have 50/50. I wouldn't even want the money on the week without the kids.
Do you want to be responsible for half the debt plus get 100 percent child support or are you willing to forego some child support whilst he gets the debts paid off? The choice is yours, but you can’t expect him to pay all the debt plus the full amount of child support.
I knew a guy who separated and they had a lot of personal debt, so she agreed to no child support whilst he paid back the debt. Then he went onto pay child support as normal.
Fair is fair. Go to child support but know what the consequences will be.
Pretty much what I have done... I have barely asked for a cent while I know he is paying off debt accumulated while we were together. But should I really be asked to pay half of the car debt, that I DON'T DRIVE? If I were to pay half the debt that is owed right now, I would be paying $50 a fortnight. Hardly close to $180 A WEEK. Don't you think? Or is this unreasonable?
So sorry you got some shit replies. It seemed clear to me you/the kids weren't getting the $180 but I can understand that others were confused about that cause you said CS were involved. Just ignore them. Some people also have no insight about fairness for single mums. Hope they never have to face the struggles! Hope you had luck with child support and you get things back to being fair. As others have said debts are not child support. If you haven't made other financial arrangements re debts that might be the next step. Check out Relationships Australia or another support service such as a community legal service in your state. I'm not sure who handles this. Hope you get some fun times too!
They are just spewing coz their partners have to pay child support and can’t stand it. Different if it was them receiving it. Just ingnore them. read the positive support and block the idiots out.
I think all debts accrued together should be paid 50/50. So he should be paying half of what the debt is. If you’re financially strapped why don’t you start looking for full time work so you have more money? In my opinion parents who have 50/50 care of kids shouldn’t pay a cent to the other in child support, but all fees relating to the child should be spilt equally (schools fees, sport etc). If someone chooses to work full time and the other chooses to work part time, why should the one working harder have to pay more? If people are paid well, it generally means they work in a difficult or stressful job. If someone is in a relatively simple job they’d be paid less. If you choose to work hard you should get the reward. Why should you then have to pay extra to the other parent who chooses not to work hard/longer hours? The way child support calculate payments is an absolute joke.
If it was me i would be grateful for him paying the debts. And I would do private collect and not expect any payments. If you get on with your ex that in itself is a gift. Your kids will benefit greatly, and it means you don’t have to waste so much energy on being angry over money. Depending on how well you get on it means both of you will attend important things with your kids (graduation, school events etc). That is priceless. And yes I have dealt with cs before. I had 100% care and received nothing routinely. It was random amounts scattered every couple months (private collect). I struggled financially but sucked it up for my child’s sake.
Ummm because that's what child support has stated he owes her per week?
And you have very very little understanding of how gender inequality works. He has a much higher paying job. Thats often based on the woman taking years out of the workforce to take greater care of kids which contributes to his income earning (seniority, promotions) and makes it harder for her to progress her career, gain full time work, earn more or study to earn more. Like it is as simple as just paying 50/50! Just because you got a totally raw deal (nothing routinely is so crap, how can a father do that?) itdoesn't mean all other women have to 'suck it up'. This is not the 1950s! We don't have to put up with this crap any more! Good luck OP. All power to you.
And if she had her child in her mid 30s after her career was up and running, and only took 6 months off and the child went into daycare? Her finances wouldn’t be affected. It doesn’t state what the situation is.
I guess I’m just so independent and have realized the only person you can truly rely on is yourself. So expect nothing and then if extra cs is paid it’s always a bonus. Then you will never be disappointed.