My 22 month is really acting out.
He swears, hits, spits, chucks things, ignores us, he hits windows really hard, he has started hitting his 10 week old sister.
We have been using a time out and then explaining why he has been put there.
But he’ll get out and continue to act out.
Just before he was put in time out for throwing a cup at his dad. My hubby then explained that he was put in time out because he hurt dad by throwing the cup. Our son looked him in the eye said shit and slapped him in the face.
I’ve read that they don’t know what they are doing but this kid knows exactly what he is doing.
I don’t want to smack. Hell I don’t even want to do timeouts but the only way he stops what he is doing is if he is strapped into the high chair for timeout.
Redirection doesn’t work.
I’m at a loss.
What do we do?
28 Replies
Smack. You need to show him who is boss and honestly right now he thinks he is the boss. A tap on the hand, a firm "No!" and sat in time out. I did it with my kids and I have well behaved teenagers who are not off the rails so it can't have done too much damage 🤷😂
I will admit he had a few smacks but they have made no difference.
This sounds more than the typical terrible twos.
Personally I’d be getting my child a referral to a peadiatrician abd child psychologist for advice. But while you wait for those appointments I’d change tact.
There are very few 22 month olds who get any benefit from time out.
Make sure he isn’t hearing swearing. Kids that hear swearing, tend to swear because they don’t understand ‘adult words’. So make sure what he is hearing on tv, radio and from people around doesn’t involve swearing.
Make sure he is getting LOADS of one on one time with mummy and daddy. He has been through some HUGE changes and jealousy and acting out to gain your attention is bound to occur. Pay attention to him, praise him, and make a fuss of him when he is being good. Love bomb him. Find any little tiny thing that he does right to praise.
He has plenty of one on one time and gets loads of praise when he is being good.
I know you said you don't want to smack, i also know this probably won't be a popular opinion but sometimes a firm smack on the hand is the only thing some toddlers respond to!
If that's definitely out, I'd suggest a port a cot/play pen in another room. Everytime he exhibits undesirable behaviour give him a loud and firm "NO" and then 2 or 3 mins in there.
Toddlers can/do understand "NO" they do not have the capacity to understand reason, so sitting down explaining your reasoning (to a baby who's not even 2 yet) for the timeouts is going in one ear and out the other. So it needs to be a "NO", instant removal, reintroduce to play area. Eventually he'll understand that hitting/bad behaviour = isolation in timeout.
Some kids are just super persistent and stubborn with pushing boundaries. The key is to be absolutely consistent, as exhausting as it may be!
Its also worth remembering that kid's often act out for attention, they don't know the difference between positive attention and negative attention so some of the things like swearing, yelling etc are worth ignoring and vice versa when he's exhibiting behaviour you want to encourage.
We’ve smacked and it’s done nothing.
He is super duper persistent 🤪
I've tried smacking with my daughter and it had opposite reaction to what was desired. It revved her up more and promoted violence.
We’ve smacked and it’s done nothing.
He is super duper persistent 🤪
Wow my 20 month old doesn’t say clear words, where did a child under two even pick up such language
Mine too! He says like 50-60 words but they are mostly nouns like car, truck etc
His vocabulary is incredible.
He has been talking since 18 months.
He says well over 300 words and quite a few sentences.
We take the blame for the swearing but since the first swear word he said we have stopped. But our families just let every word fly even though I’ve asked them too stop.
So strapping your child into a high chair won’t make a difference
Try a smack on the hand or on the nappy and say no in a firm voice each and every time he does it
Try putting him in his cot when he misbehaves as a time out
And make sure you do it each time not just once in a while
We have tried smacks and they done nothing.
He doesn’t have a cot, he has a bed which is why we strap him in his chair
Then set up a separate play pen that have a mat in it but no toys and that’s where he goes for his time out
You don’t speak to him or acknowledge him in time out unless it’s something serious obviously or an emergency
Personally i wouldnt use his cot or bed, he'll learn to associate bed with punishment and it could potentially create a new (sleeping) issue.
This is literally typical two year old bullshit.
Shits me to tears every single day.
Persist with the timeouts. I find that’s the best. Eventually he will realise that timeouts are annoying and you’ll only have to threaten the timeout and behaviour will improve.
My two year old has started spitting at me 😱😱😱
As horrible as it is I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with this 🙃
He is too young. Immediate response, such as a firm no and redirect. You're the grown ups. Consider how he knows the swear words and if yo u laugh at it then you can't be mad when he uses it in the wrong time. He's 1. Take his cup away from him. Make him ask for it back and say do not throw it at people or I will take it away from you. If he throws it as soon as he gets it, then he can't have it you have to hold it. He will want hisindependence so he will listen and understand that to get what he wants he has to do what he's told (some of the time anyway). Remember no toddler is perfect they all spend their days throwing things and smashing things and doing whatever they want, it's how they learn.
How does your not even 2 year old know how to swear? Who’s he hanging around that teaches him to act like this? Or what’s he watching? Becasue this behaviour comes from who you spend the most time with. Obviously he’s been smacked too much becasue he thinks it’s ok to hit you and others. It’s not ok. He thinks it’s ok to swear.... where did he pick up these words from? Who in your house hold has a nasty mouth going on? I’ve found that time outs don’t work until they are older but removing them from the situation at this age is better for them. IE my son not even 1.5 was throwing sand, I told him with a firm no and not to do that, I pointed at him, said no and shook my finger at him. When he didn’t stop I picked him up and strapped him in his pram for a bit and then let him play in the grass. I repeated when he decided to go back to the sand and start throwing it again. Parenting is a lot of work and repetition. Smacking is a last resort not the first thing you go for. I feel for both of you. Your little boy because he’s been smacked too much and not given the energy he needs. But I also feel for you, you have a 10 week old baby who needs your undivided attention. You need help so both can get the attention they need. Set up a box of things to keep his attention whilst little sister is feeding. Put her in a play pen to keep her out of his reach especially when you’re busy and she’s sleeping. Baby wear if possible. How would you feel if your whole world was turned upside and your life was taken over by a baby and mummy couldn’t spend as much time with you as she used to. I’m not blaming you. I get it. I’ve been in your shoes with a 2 year old with a new born who wasn’t feeding very well. I had a douche of a partner who spent 2 weeks sleeping in and playing computer games instead of helping me with our toddler whilst healing from a c-section and me having absolutely no energy to deal with his bad behaviour. That boy is now a healthy 12 year old who mostly keeps his hands to himself, who’s temper is a little shorter than I’d like and is very independant. But also very helpful when it comes to his younger siblings.
Why completely guilt trip this Mum, she has said she has tried smacking a few times and it doesn't work so she doesn't anymore. So the smacking came AFTER the bad behaviour so can't be the cause of it. I'm surprised you didn't blame her for spitting at him too because where did he get that from? Sometimes kids hit and spit just because. You have no idea what she is doing with him or not doing with him, beyond what has been said here.
Way to make me feel even more useless... Cheers 👍🏻
He has been smacked 3 times and we tried no, redirection and timeouts so no smacking wasn’t our first resort and no he hasn’t been smacked too much.
He gets plenty of attention, we do puzzles and read while I feed bub. I do baby wear so we can go kick the ball.
No and redirection doesn’t work. He is very strong willed.
But he's still a baby. You pick him up and move him or remove the object. Change rooms and close the door if you have to. Then the trick is to show him something new and fun. You can't bang the window, but come with me I'll show you something cool look at this pot you can bang it to hell. Actually pull everything out of the drawer and see what's loudest. Good boy.
If he tantrums, hits shouts etc, you hold his hand or hold him, ignore his words, cuddle him or put him down if he's wild. When he stops hitting or thrashing around, cuddle him and continue, now, do you want to play pots and pans or eat a banana?
I’m not trying to guilt you, your child has seen hitting if he’s not being hit/smacked he’s seeing it happen. My toddler hits (he watches his brothers and sister hit each other) I tell him no, he does it again. I either remove him from the situation or myself or the other person while a firm no is said. He’s very strong willed and determined to do what he wants which is also a thing that shows he’s smart. Smart babies learn quicker which is why it’s important to be consistent. Like I said I’ve been where you are. The swearing thing I don’t get though. I swear a lot. None of my kids swear. When they have I ignore it becasue no reaction is better than a different reaction like laughing or incredulousness. They’ve all said fuck a couple of times as babies but none of them actually swear at me or swear when they’re talking. The spitting thing is normal. They’re learning how their mouth works. (Funny I didn’t mention spitting at all in my original reply 🙄) yet someone tried to have a go at me for that. If your reaction to being hit is. No, we don’t smack! (In a loud slightly angry voice) we use gentle hands and then demonstrate gentle hands by rubbing your face with his hand or where ever he hit you, using words such as I like gentle hands you’re more likely to get a better response. However all children are different and will respond in different ways. All 4 of mine are very different kids. I’m sorry if my original response was over the top (I didn’t read all of your replies, as reply threads are full of crap usually and people fighting amongst themselves in them). And by needing help I’m meaning more support/backup for you and your hubby with the kids it takes a village to raise children not just the parents. I’d be lost without my village of family and friends and my community. Who ensure good habits are formed within my children at a young age weather we swear or not and a lot of us do swear. Also I hope that when my bub gets to your almost two year olds age that he has a many good words as yours does. Having 50-60 words is remarkable at that age. If you had lead off with that I’d probably have been less OTT and I really do apologise. I was getting my internet fix after a seriously hard day with my ASD child. In all honesty if you can get away with leaving smacking to more serious offences then that’s probably best.
He isn’t seeing smacking, only me patting his sister on the bum/back?
We’ve been ignoring swearing but he’ll just keep going and going till we tell him no. I asked him why he was spitting he said ‘uncle will do’ and yes I’ve seen my brother spit in front of him and pulled him up on it 😖
We don’t have a village. It’s me and my hubby 🤷🏼♀️ All of our family is close but they are toxic and no help. The only active ones in our lives are my brother who is 17 and sister who is 20 so really aren’t very helpful.
He says over 300 words and quite a few sentences. He is incredibly clever! He can name colours and can count to 10! He is a genius at puzzles. We sat down with 6 new puzzles today and he had them done in 20 minutes.
He makes my so bloody proud everyday but his attitude is getting harder and harder to deal with.
I just feel as though I’m failing so your original comment really didn’t help.
Could it be that he’s gifted and needs much more mental stimulation?
Could you keep him busy with crafts, drawing, painting, puzzles all day?
Sometimes gifted can be a curse 😂😂😂
I try my best to do this but obviously it can get a bit hard when I have a new bub also 🙃
Gifted kids can behave like ADHD kids when not stimulated, my daughter is gifted and it has been a battle. Try things that stimulate his brain, maybe an app and see if that helps at all.
10 week old sister... this is the exact reason.
Do not smack!!!
Remove him from situations where he's being a menace. Reward him for good behaviour.
Remind him that he's a good kid.
Also. You should probably do something about people swearing around him.