So i am having alot of trouble dealing with my kids behaviour. I have 4 kids aged 11, 10, 6 and 3 aswell as being 18w pregnant. I also suffer anxiety and depression.
So my kids wont listen when i ask them to do things, i have to ask them several times and then they never do anything properly. I have taken all the technology off of them because of this. They just make a mess everywhere they go and have no reapect for anything. I have a house inspection in 2 days and theu just keep making more mess and i cant keep up. When i go and tell them to clean up the just laugh and make stupid remarks to things i say. I just feel like going back in my room and cry because i am so overwhelmed. I look at other families and envy how they seem to have their kids under control. Mine wony do any chores, i tried chore charts, rewards like pocket money ect but they just wont co operate. I dont know what else to do. There dad works away for 2 weeks at a time and he is more tougher then me. They still dont listen to him as much as they use to though. I looked at getting a cleaning person to help but really all they do is mop, vaccuum and wipe things down i need things actually cleaned up. I just feel like i am a failure.
How to control my kids
How to control my kids
Posted in:
Kids
10 Replies
I’d just get more firm. Don’t give them options. They can probably sense that your sensative (because pregnancy does make us extra sensative) and are using it to their advantage. Just keep strong. Besides the 3yp, the others are perfectly capable of doing some chores. And they don’t get a choice if they do them or not.
Give them a time frame and a job or two to get done within that time frame, and if it’s jot completed, they all have a consequence. And keep doing that until they begin to listen. I think you need to stay very consistent before you’ll see change though. Trying heapsnof different things only confuses and shows them you aren’t being consistent
Firstly, get rid of most of there toys. It’s hard to feel motivated by chore charts etc when you have a lot of things anyway. Chuck most of there stuff in packing boxes. If they don’t have a lot of stuff they can’t make a lot of mess with stuff and they are too distracted by stuff to concentrate.
Get them out of the house. If they are outside running around at a park or something they can’t be making mess.
Then get yourself a put it away box, otherwise it goes in the bin on bin day. That’s basically a clear plastic tub with a lid, that you chuck there junk in. If it’s not put away by bin day it goes in the bin!!!
Most kids don’t do things properly or to adult standards and a lot or most kids have to be told to do stuff multiple times. You are not alone.
Get a routine going and that might mean you do chores with your kids to get back on track. So I might wash the pots and pans while child unloads/loads dishwasher.
I have a 5 year old with ADHD and we decided not to medicate, so I know exactly how you feel. Our biggest thing is consistency. When you ask them to do something, FOLLOW THROUGH. I know it’s so hard and so draining, but trust me, after a week or two, they know not to push you. We only have one, with another due in June, so I totally envy you having 4, plus being pregnant again. Keep strong mumma, I feel for you.
Concentrate on the older 2 for now rather than all 4, this is probably whats driving you more insane. Ask them to help make sure the younger 2 don't make a mess, gives them some responsibility and some kids step up to the plate. Give them specific jobs to do instead of saying 'Clean up that mess'. Write a list for the 2 older ones and they have to tick it off, one list eg-
Toy room
pack up all lego pieces
Put all rubbish in the bin
Put dishes in the sink
Pack cars away
Wipe coffee table
Only give 4 or 5 jobs at a time and put on some music and try and get them to do it before the playlist finishes, an hour long playlist should be plenty. Give a small reward at the end like half an hour with their tablet then start again with another list. When getting them to do dishes break it up into smaller bits too, instead of saying 'do the dishes' write it out like fill the sink, wash all the cutlery, wash all the cups,wash the plates.
I’m not asking this from a place of judgement, but I’m genuinely curious, if you are struggling with the kids you have, why do you continue to have more?
Not judgmental at all! I mean perfectly OK question to ask someone who is already pregnant and can't go back and change it! Also OK to ask someone this and not offer anything helpful in fact it just makes the OP feel like more of a failure! Perfectly OK in your perfect world. You don't know this persons circumstances beyond what has been posted here.
It’s just common sense, no one these days wants to take responsibility for their lives and the choices they make.
I do know this - she saays their behaviour has worsened lately.
- mental health is manageable and also changes over time and circumstance.
- her body her choice.
- she has a right to ask for help try to fix things at any time and not to be made to feel like shit for it.
Yep I hear you. I think they must sense vulnerability in me too? 😂 Is like to do things more harmoniously but my kids just don’t respond (they’re adhd medicated too!) so it’s time to take the hard road. I notice when I do that though they go to pieces being upset. Can’t win 😂
Let your kids see how overwhelmed and upset you are! My kids (14 and 12) will get off their bums and do extra stuff when they see me have a meltdown. Doesn’t happen often but when I’ve asked repeatedly for something to be done and I’m that frustrated I yell and cry and slam doors. When I calm down the job will be half done if not completed. We have a list of jobs with a dollar value for each job. Jobs include cook dinner, wash up, put washing on, bring washing in, vacuum, mop. I rarely buy them anything except for birthdays and Christmas. If they want something they have to earn the money for it. My youngest loves NRL trading cards, so I buy them when doing the grocery shopping throughout the year and he ‘buys’ them from me when he has enough money. My eldest will save his money for a board game or something similar.
Relax your standards. Kids are still learning so won’t clean to what you consider ‘properly’. Also break jobs down into smaller tasks. So instead of saying ‘clean up’, say ‘can you put this and that away’. When they’ve done that, give them something else to do. It will take time but hopefully things will improve for you.