I wonder sometimes why I am the way I am.
I can not think of one thing that my mother done wrong with me as a child. She was always affectionate towards me and loves me to bits. I just seem to not being a emotional type. Until I was 15 I could barely tell my parents or friends that I loved them. I just couldn't say it. I couldn't even nickname me friends via message like 'hey sweety'. I just felt so uncomfortable saying it like i couldnt bring these words out. Like a blockage.
When I got closer to boys, I kind of felt overwhelmed by attention easily. I usually dumped them because all this lovey stuff was to much and it made me feel so uncomfortable that I rather be alone.
So when I had my first bf with 18 I liked saying those words, with age they became easier. But with him or my relationship after, I still couldn't call him anything sweet (always called him by firsg name) and affection in public or in general was a big No. I couldn't even get myself to hold his hand on the beach. I just feel sooo uncomfy.
Boyfriend no3 is the one I have now.and I got a bit better. I can call him babe, and hold his hands in public. But I still have dramas with the affection.
I don't like being hugged most of the time. I find it a waste of time in the morning, I rather go out and do stuff. At night I find it annoying and in general I just can't stand it. I've learned lots in the past years but I still can't get to like it. Why? I loved my mums cuddles when I was small. Why am I so unaffectioned?
I even find it difficult sometimes to show empathy. I feel it, believe me. I feel sorry for people and feel for them. I cry at movies for feeling to Much for other people. But I can't tell them that. When my Bestie jumps into my car crying, I give her a shoulder tap. I can't hug her. Or the other day my niece burned her finger. I gave her ice and just said 'it will be ok' but I couldn't give her love like what people do when kids get upset. Can someone explain that? Is something wrong with me
8 Replies
I'm not a touchy feely person at all, and I like my personal space A LOT, so snuggling with my partner is usually brief and I can honestly say I'd really rather not but I do it because it's important to him.
I'm also with you on the pet names, i think they're stupid and can be patronising (absolutely hate Hun and Babe - sorry lol), that said, i actually call my partner "love", it started off ironically but just stuck - he's the only exception though.
I am physically affectionate with my children, probably not as affectionate as some people are but nonetheless. I also tell them I love them constantly, because children need to hear that!
I know my issue with this stems from my mum, i cant remember ever snuggling or even getting hugged by her, she never told me she loved me and I'd even say it first and get nothing in reply, so that rejection has made it really difficult for me to open up to people and like you, verbalize empathy (Lord knows I feel it, i just never know how to express it and end up being awkward).
Do you I think there's something "wrong"with you? Not at all.
If you feel it's creating issues within your relationships though (both friendly and romantically) seeing a psychologist may be really beneficial for you!
I am on the autism spectrum and struggle with some of the things you e described. That doesn’t necessarily mean you are on the spectrum but might be something worth investigating. BTW there is nothing ‘wrong with you’.
I have ADHD and wonder how much this impacts me being like this too.
I’m not an overly affectionate person either. I rarely seek affection but I can be affectionate if my partner approaches me or my kids do, other wise I don’t tend to feel as though I need it. Minus my kids and partner and mum, I’ve never ever ever been one to say “I love you” to anyone. My SIL’s say it all the tome freely, and I generally struggle to say it back and I make things awkward. I’m also similar with pet names although recently started calling my partner “bae” just to Piss him off. My mum was the same as me, never overly affectionate although I hugged her every night before bed until the day I left home. But we generally weren’t an affectionate family.
I don’t think there is anything wrong. And I think the best thing is that you’re aware. My partner mentioned it to me in the first few years of our relationship, and it made me think about it. But I’ve accepted that I’m just not overly touchy-feely and so has he (even though he is very affectionate). Also because I am aware, I do try and go out of my way to hug back or give small gestures whenever it pops up just so that he can see I do try and make the effort even if it doesn’t come naturally to me
Thank you for posting this! I feel very similar to you. However, I never used to be like this. I was very social and affectionate and loved talking about the hard stuff but now at 35, the past couple of years I still feel things deeply like movies, music, books, even my kids but I cannot connect openly with family or any other adults or social groups etc and I don’t feel that changing at all. I too, sit here wondering what is wrong with me. So thank you to everyone posting that it is ok.
I could have written this! Not once have I ever thought there was something wrong with me. Because there isn’t. I just like my personal space! It’s that simple. I’m not an affectionate person. Once I had kids I was very affectionate with them. Couldn’t get enough of them as babies/little people. Now thier bigger I’m not a fan of hugs and kisses 😂😂. There is no rule book that says this is not normal. It’s just the way we are and the right people will understand and love us for it... or in my case, my friends love to laugh with me about it and make fun of it 😂
There's nothing wrong with you. You are you.
Some people love that stuff. I don't.
I could have written this post myself.
Embrace your uniqueness.
Nope, nothing wrong with you, you're perfectly unique. My kids are on the autism spectrum and half of them can't 'do affection' with anyone other than my husband and myself. They give a high five or handshake to greet people and until recently haven't been able to tell us they love us (completely verbal kids, just can't/won't say 'I love you.') The big change came when they found out how to sign 'I love you' in Auslan (Australian sign language). Now they can't sign it enough! There are plenty of ways to communicate how you feel about someone, but they need to be willing and able to really hear what you are saying. Is there a way you can communicate with those close to you how much you care about them? Try thinking outside the box, you'll get there!