This is to all the mothers and fathers who have to co-parent with the person who put you through hell through their abuse and threats of extreme violence.
How do you do it?
I have no choice. 😞
*There are court orders in place.
I see a psychologist to work through it.
I have depression, anxiety and PTSD.
4 Replies
It totally sucks. The best I came up with was creating as many safe times as I could. For me that means taking steps so he can’t barrage me with text messages etc.
So for me that means I created a ‘safe’ phone. That’s one cheap mobile phone that he can contact me on. It’s switched off in the drawer and I only check it once a day or so, and only respond to the messages that are necessary. It also means my real phone isn’t being ‘blown up’ by him while I’m trying to relax.
I never ever do exchanges without someone with me, but mos exchanges are through a third party or one of us drops at school in the morning and the other picks up after school. I’ve miminised contact as much as possible.
At least that way I’ve minimised how often I’m being triggered.
The judge at our last hearing talked about a special computer program that coparents can use that basically doesn’t allow anything nasty to be sent.
I separated from my ex 8 years ago, I am sort of lucky that he didnt really have an interest in the kids before we split so he never went for court ordered custody but would randomly just demand them whenever he wanted. I denied one day because I could tell he was in a bad mood and he smashed through my front door and basically choke slammed me into the ground until i nearly passed out in front of our kids, police were of no help at all I was told to wait for him to come back and call them again. I dealt with it by myself, I was scared of him and would just give in. He always had them at his mothers so as much as i hate her i knew they were safe. He hated the thought of me having child free time and would ring and text almost continuously whenever he had them. Usually to abuse the crap out of me and threaten to punch my head in or ask who was there. He eventually got a partner and he settled down heaps, he would still have them randomly and whenever he demanded but the texts stopped and the visits got further apart. He has now only seen them twice in 4 years. So in my case I just had to wait for it to get better, I hope that is the case for you.
I am in the same situation. Try a Post Seperation Parenting Course (It helped a lot).
Read about Gaslighting and how to respond to it.
Take someone with you during change over of care.
Talk about how you feel with a close friend, family member or a psychologist.
Keep focus on the child/children. You do not need to explain any other aspect of your life to him that does not affect your child significantly. ❤️ Hugs Hun
Wouldn't wish it on anyone. Breathe, meditate, get into nature as much as possible. A lot of us end up with PTSD after narcissistic abuse. Make sure whoever you are seeing knows narc abuse well, you need someone with a full understanding of what has / is going on. I'm currently trying to set up a support group, social group here on the Gold Coast, not sure where you are in Australia but if you are on the GC, keep a look out on social media.