My 12 year old is stealing! First it was chocolates from me and older sibling. Lots of chocolate that was specifically ours after eating their own chocolate. Will go into siblings room and eat excessive amounts. Now it has moved to stealing money ($10+) out of my wallet. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do! They have not been brought up this way at all! Please help!
5 Replies
It is my (completely non-expert) opinion that this type of behaviour *usually* stems from a need to be seen or heard in some way, not necessarily because they're horrible people. Find the need, or feeling, behind the behaviour and you'll be better equipped to solve the problem.
So, that said, has something changed in their life? Are they feeling ignored? Insecure? Angry? Think about all the things that are going on for them and don't dismiss anything, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you, or if they seem to be coping outwardly, they may not be. While this type of negative behaviour is not, in any way, an acceptable means of dealing, perhaps they don't have the skills to cope or perhaps they've tried to feel heard in other ways before and it hasn't worked.
I'm going to give u now the opinion based on my own experience.
When I was 13 I started stealing from shops. Simply because I couldn't afford all those nice things without money until I got caught. Never did it again.
I also did steal $$ out of my beloved mums wallet. Believe me, I give it to her back in triple amounts since I hit my 20s because i still feel guilty but I never done that out of attention. Simply because I wanted and needed more than I had. My teacher said to the class one day 'every parent knows when the kids take money out of their wallets, they won't say anything but they know'.... It got me thinking and my mum also asked a couple of times if I took something but I denied it. She never accused me or tried to proof a point. It didn't happen often and I was fine by the time I hit 16 and made my own money.
I think maybe give her a few jobs that bring in money. Maybe cleaning nannas house or stuff like that so she is able to buy her own things? Or just let it rest for a bit if it's not getting to excessive
If u ahve the need to mention something you can always say it in a neutral way like my mum did... And if she denies it you can offer her to work a little bit to have some money because tu you have to do that as well
First off the chocolate is probably not considered stealing, more rude and selfish.
Secondly, my stepson had a habit of stealing money from his Dad, as soon as he started working it stopped. Dad is a bit stingey and old fashioned and wouldn't give him money at all but teenagers do need their own money now. So get them earning their own money and see if that stops the stealing, if not then you know you have a problem with them stealing.
If it does help then the problem lies more with you and whether you're approachable or not to this child.
Yep I agree, as I wrote above you, I use to steal Of my mum simply because I had no money. It will change once earning own money
I wonder if it's both food related? Money for snacks? It's an age of independence and with that is decision making and self control and also learning.
I don't think it's too serious or abnormal, but it is a chance to change some things to meet her needs and a teaching moment in development.
When I think about stealing I like to explain that safety comes from trust, if trustworthy people are around people can relax and feel safe and happy. We want to be one of those people that forms that world for everyone, not one that breaks it.