I feel like I might be depressed and I’m not sure how to get myself out of this awful state of mind that I have been living in.
I have 3 kids with special needs, they are all well looked after and receive all the help they need from psychologist, speech therapy, occupational therapy and physio. I do it all alone with no emotional support at all from my husband or extended family. My husband supports us financially although I work Permanent part time as well.
I feel like I am currently in a zombie like state just going through the motions of our daily life. I go through periods of intense sadness to almost feeling nothing and just battling to get through every minute of every day but with the same thoughts going through over and over like a record playing. I have never experienced anything like this in my 42 years of life.
My husband doesn’t get it. He doesnt see me battling myself. He doesn’t see the impact everything’s has on me. He doesn’t understand our children and their needs so adds fuel to the fire daily by saying things to them that escalate their anxiety dramatically. Although he doesn’t realise he is doing this.
I feel he is one extra person I have to care for, constantly telling him how to do things and what needs to happen. I have to make every single decision in our household. He can’t decide on even the simplest of things so I have to think of everything for everyone in every single situation that we are in, it is exhausting!
I cannot financially support myself and our kids on my part time wage. If I
Leave this relationship I would not afford to pay for the payments in my car. Essentially I leave with nothing and no way to set myself and the kids up. I have no idea how people do this.
I am struggling so much emotionally just getttkng through each day without losing it how can I possibly do all this alone?
Anyone that has tried medications for depression can I please hear your experiences. I’m not sure if this is a track I want to go down but I at least need to consider it.
Thanks
5 Replies
Hi, yes, I ended up taking anti-depressants after the birth of my 2nd. I was struggling day after day: mood swings, little things would get to me, I was not coping with day to day tasks, and my relationship with my husband was too much to deal with.
I took zoloft for approx 4 years. Didn't see a psychologist, but kept a diary. Been off the zoloft now for 2 yrs, some days are a struggle, but overall much better than before. Still keep a diary - even if sometimes I just scribble a picture. It helps that the kids are a bit bigger and my husband actually listened.
It does improve, and it can take some time.
Talk to your doctor about it - they should be able point you in the right direction as to what will help you.
You poor mumma. You aren’t alone. Please go and speak to your dr and reach out for help. Anti depressants are amazing and you are at the stage where it sounds like you need them. I am on them and I swear by them. It might take some time to work out the one and dosage that is right for you but please bear with it until you find one that works. It’s the worst feeling being in that zombie state. I know how you feel, I still lose my shit every 5 mins thinking for my husband and 3 kids.. our minds are like a jumbled mess. Never time to breathe and think about what we are doing next. Always an interruption from one of them wanting something or asking questions. That i can’t handle. You need to book yourself in for a massage. Go for walks by yourself. Make your husband watch the kids for half an hour / an hour every day and make sure you go for a walk on your own, you need it. Walking does wonders to clear your mind. When the weekend gets here, book yourself into a movie or go to dinner with a friend. It’s important you have something to look forward to and have some time out for you. Don’t make excuses for not doing it, just do it. Make your husband realise just how bloody hard it is being alone with the kids. go for an overnighter somewhere. Let him have them for the night while you go and have a night away. Grab a friend, book a hotel, go for dinner, chat, laugh and enjoy yourself. I did this and wow it was fun, I found a bit of the old me again. I was happy to return home to the kids and I ended up letting go more and more everytime and make more time for me. Because us mummas don’t do it. We hold guilt for taking time out to enjoy ourselves when we bloody deserve it. Hope you feel better soon keep your chin up.
Get on your meds now and get couselling for yourself and for you and your husband. He needs to lift his game now
You are totally not alone, I've got 4 special needs kids and just getting back into looking for a job after 11 years being a full time mum, taxi to the kids therapy sessions, and learning how to best support each of my kids unique needs, basically becoming an in home full time therapist for them. Then there's the mental load of the household that I have to carry, and now the mental load of a new job after being out of work for so long. It's hard, it sucks and when I ask hubby what he wants for dinner because I just can't think anymore and he gives me an answer like 'Just something small.' I feel like throwing a cheese stick at him and walking out!
I am learning to take time to count to ten. I am learning to express my needs better and give clear instructions on what he needs to do to help me out. I am learning to take time out for me, a coffee, knitting, reading a book, going for a swim alone. I am learning that I need to eat breakfast before I look after anyone else. And I'm learning that there is more help around than I first thought.
Have you had a chat to your GP about how you feel? Maybe ask for a mental health plan to gain free/reduced fee physiology help. Look after yourself, speak frankly to your husband how you feel and ask him for help coming up with solutions to reduce the mental and physical load at home. And find a hobby that you love.
Anyone would experience depression carrying this load solo. Husband is failing his wife and kids. Divorce rate definitely higher in families with illness and/or disability.
He’s likely on the spectrum too.
Firstly, get yourself to GP, referral to psych for yourself. Contact Carers Australia, they offer up to 6 free counselling sessions (can be done over the phone)
Link in with local or online support groups, to feel less alone.
Husband needs to attend appts to hear stuff first hand.
Get domestic help, either pay privately or apply for NDIS, but get help to apply, it’s a big job and requires persistence and grunt. Also contact your local commonwealth respite & Carelink centre, they should still be offering some assistance prior to funding changes. In my area is Ability Links, look up what free services are available in your area.
Once you’re feeling more supported, you’ll have the energy to address the marriage issues. Use part of the kid’s therapy time to work with (and train) you and hubs to better understand kids needs and how to work as a team. I’m guessing he’ll need visual cues/support as much as the kids do