Ok I need opinions of people that are not emotionally involved in a situation ( ie me !)
Long story sorry
My 9 year old son was in school today playing with a school ball - a boy 2 years older who is known to be a trouble maker - (has never caused us trouble but I know he has a track record - )went to take the ball off my son who refused and ran off and played with the ball - the boy shoulder charged him head locked him and flung him to the ground
My older son saw this and ran over pushed kid of my son who at this stage was choking -
This story was relayed to me by another kid so no
Arms and legs added
Here’s my questions
Am I over reacting that my older son got detention for using his hands ( 1st time ever for detention but admit it’s he did use full force to get kid off his brother )
Should I just suck it up and leave him do detention
Am I right to be so so upset I wasn’t called to be advised what happened my son as teacher was informed
Am I right to be annoyed that my older son and the other kid are getting same punishments
My younger son is clearly upset about it and how do I say - don’t hit back you will get detention
I have an appointment with school tomorrow I need to let my head lead me not my emotions because one minute I’m angry the next I’m crying that this happened my kid
Any advise how to handle
9 Replies
I think you're fair enough. What else do you expect him to do? He used great control to use reasonable force and no more. I hope you're commending him tonight.
All I will add, as I say to everybody, go in with questions to double check, and an open mind to hearing their side first.
This is such a tricky one. I 100% sympathise... I would be glad my son had his brothers back but then I don’t condone violence either. Same as I’m torn that I want my son to be able to stand up for himself when needed, but never the instigator. I never want to be the one to say hit back though.. having sons is so hard!
I think I would be proud that my older son could look out for his little brother. I would tell him as much but also explain to him its not ok for anyone to be fighting either and its not a behaviour that you condone. Kinda a double edge sword for me, good and bad.
I get why your mad, I really do!
This happened to my daughter a few years back, she was in year 1. The boy was in year 6. He had my daughter backed into a corner with his hands on her, my son also year 6 flung the boy off my daughter and he fell.
I was mad. I was so mad! I was proud of my son but I did tell him that he would have to cop a detention if he received one as there is a strict No hands policy In schools and a procedure to follow if this occurs. This is an Australia wide government policy and leaves no room for that grey area. I have read the policy which is available online and I have to say I agree. No hands means you can not touch another person without their permission, physically, sexually... it is to protect all children and supposedly create a safe environment.
Another good point was, yes he used reasonable force but what if the other child fell the wrong way, hit is head, killed or permenatly injured himself.
My son could have used other ways to resolve this. He could have gotten a teachers attention which they should be fairly close any way. He could have used his words, yelled "Hey get off her!" Or "what do you think your doing!" and it would have either worked or again drawn attention to the situation. I talked about some ways with my son and asked his ideas.
It has proven a great lesson. He is now in high school and shows great maturity in how he handles conflict resolution.
I think we as parents need to accept and support teachers decisions. What example does it set if we question them? Will our kids have faith in them or respect their rules?
Leave it be, yes the other kid was in the wrong but so was your child too. Same way of dealing with conflict does deserve the same punishment.
I'd tell them straight, if the supervising teacher was doing their job right by, you know, supervising, your older son wouldn't have needed to physically intervene.
Ask them what they plan to do to ensure not only your son's but all students safety in future, because being attacked, unprovoked by another student is unacceptable.
You may need to accept the detention for your older son, schools generally won't condone violence of any kind. Whether that's right or not is another question!
Just keep your cool and really push the safety issue with them.
Ask them if a teacher observed a child being choked would they not separate the children if saying stop didn't work? Pretty sure your youngest son expressed he didn't like it before your eldest son separated them because his younger brothers life was in danger. We don't prosecute people who defend themselves or others reasonably as adults so we shouldn't punish children. And if a child is being choked, going to find a teacher rather than intervening could be a costly mistake.
I would be letting him to the detention at school and explaining that sometimes getting detention is worth it.
I would also be explaining that I'm so proud of him for sticking up for his brother and so long as he is looking out for someone that needs it like a friend, family or someone getting picked on there will be no consequence at home. This is a GREAT opportunity to teach him that we NEVER stand back and watch if someone is getting picked on and hurt. It doesn't matter if we're not friends with them. Watching someone get picked on is never okay.
As far as the school goes I would be making sure that the kid that started it also has a consequence and is being dealt with as well. If also be letting the school know that while you will be letting your son do detention you don't agree with them and you have never been prouder of him for helping his brother and you hope that he is always helping someone who needs it.
Good luck mumma. Not a good day at school
Hell no!! He should not be in detention. My child was injured because teachers didn’t stop the little bully. Another child said they wanted to help but were afraid of getting in trouble. Telling the teacher was too late. That’s ridiculous he got detention, where is the teachers time out for not seeing it?!
Explain to your son that although you are proud of him for protecting his brother, unfortunately the rules state no touching someone else.
Then give him a reward. But state that this is only happening because it was a good decision this time. He doesn't get a reward next time