How much is too much to pay as guests for a destination wedding? Haven’t had a destination wedding to go to before so all new to us, I know it’s becoming very popular to do though. The destination is not somewhere I have ever wanted to go to, I’m a believer that Australia has the most beautiful places and want to travel aus before venturing overseas-if at all. Brother in law is getting married overseas-we all live in Australia but sister inlaws family are from overseas. Destination will be roughly half way so both sides of Family and friends to attend. The couple are wanting a 7 day holiday at a resort for their wedding. With all of us in attendance for the week. They are both frequent overseas travellers.
We have hubby, myself and 4 children 3 of which are at school and only have husbands income. Looking at fares, accomodation, passports etc so far estimating close to $8-$10,000 all up for the 6 of us for 7 nights. Oldest child is charged as an adult. Other family members have 2 adults and 1 toddler each.
How much would you pay for a destination wedding? Is this reasonable or unreasonable as a request by family members?
If you couldn’t afford to all go, would you just let hubby go alone? Would you go without the children? Which would mean being away from children for their birthdays. Or just all go and save your butts off? Which would be extremely challenging with the expenses of everyday life. I’m guessing it will be a loan or credit card debt to make this possible.
It is selfish of us to not want to spend that much to be able to go isn’t it? Is it selfish of them to have a destination wedding like this?
I think how they are doing it for the families to save both sides travelling so far by meeting half way is a great idea. But the expense seems very hard to take in right now. It is in less then 18mths.
Help please... need some advice as have no one to ask or talk to about this.
Destination weddings, what is reasonable and unreasonable to expect.
Destination weddings, what is reasonable and unreasonable to expect.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
21 Replies
For that cost, no way would I go. I’m of the strong belief that if they really want you there, then they should at least pay the accomodation fees. Generally you’d hire the resort out.
Yes I’d go alone without kids or send hubby alone but I personally think destination weddings are really selfish to expect others to fork out the $$$.
I’d go without the kids (the birthday will be fine. They won’t mind if you celebrate it before you go).
It’s probably going to cause a shit fight in the family if you refuse to go completely.
It depends on what you can afford. Honestly though, if you have a destination wedding, you have to expect that not everyone will come.
I would leave the kids home.
If you chose to have a destination wedding, you need to accept that some people won't be able to come.
No way would I miss my kids birthdays for someone's wedding, so I would not go without the kids (if it didn't interfere with birthdays and I had a babysitter for the week I would though).
I'd send hubby alone, you are not obliged to send yourself into debt for someone else's wedding. If your BIL is any sort of decent person, he'd understand (but given he wants everyone to stick around for a week something tell a me he's a tad self absorbed).
I’d go. Look at it as a good excuse for a holiday.
Your not obligated to stay at Same resort if you prefer to find a cheaper option. Then visit one or two days
Or just send hubby. No way I’d miss one of my siblings weddings. So I wouldn’t expect him too.
Thats a massive expectation to expect people to have a weeks holiday. I'd just attend the wedding IF it wasnt going to put finacial strain on our family.
Destination wedding it is understood that people won't be able to make it, and they don't mind.
It's your budget your choice. Maybe look at sending hubby for 3 days as it's his brothers wedding.
Having said all that, regardless of destination it would be the most amazi ng trip to have a large family holiday like that so I say try to go.
We went to my SILs wedding in the UK last year, we had 18 months notice which made it easier and we left the kids at home. Since it was our first overseas holiday we decided to make it a good one and spent an extra 4 weeks travelling europe. It was amazing, we don't regret it although we are pretty broke right now, it is something that is worth being broke for. We spent 18,000 all up.
Its not unreasonable for you not to go. Thats a huge cost!
Could you go for a couple of days instead?
If you can’t go, you can’t go. Simple. But your hubby should definitely go regardless.
Have you looked into not staying the full 7 days? Like 3-4 days, even less would be fine. And I’m sure the bride and groom would understand if you said, look the 7 days is just too expensive for the 6 of us and the only way we can make it possible for us all to go is to shorten our time.
Any normal people who decide on a destination are prepared for people not to be able to make it. That’s just common sense I believe. If they don’t understand your situation, tough.
They’re not being selfish. Their wedding, their choice. Meeting halfway between her family and yours is a pretty fair compromise. However, if they’re reasonable people I’m sure they will understand that some people won’t be able to stay for the whole week, some people won’t stay at the same resort and some people won’t come at all due to costs or not being able to get a week off work or whatever else.
If it were me I would go, leave the kids at home and look at other options like not staying for the full week or staying somewhere else cheaper if that’s more suited to your budget. Celebrate the kid’s birthdays before or after you get home and you can bring them back a special gift from the country you’ve been to.
No, it is not selfish to have a destination wedding, but the bride and groom cannot reasonably expect that everyone will be able to get there. Not everyone prioritises overseas travel and in your situation I think it's understandable that you haven't. Look into options but make your brother in law aware from the outset that you all probably won't be able to make it.
If there are holiday rentals why dont you see if you can team up with other people and book one of those? We did that when we went to NZ for my brothers wedding. If you're only going for a week or less leave the kids at home, they will survive their birthdays without you just once. My partner has missed heaps of birthdays being FIFO, the kids are fine and they end up celebrating their birthday twice so win win for all.
What country is it?
You don’t to have to stay where they stay.
At minimum, hubby goes on his own if that’s all you can afford, so be it.
I’m sure they’ll understand.
I agree Australia is an amazing country, but there are plenty of other amazing places in the world.
I would go but find a cheaper option. You don't necessarily have to staying the same hotel for the same length of time as the rest of the guests. Its all about working within your budget. Spread the cost out over the next 18 months, buy 1 passport per month or purchase the flights on afterpay. Gives you small amounts per month to pay that won't over stretch your budget. We had a destination wedding and had people spread out over a dozen different hotels coming in over several different days. It was lovely to do little catch ups with everyone in different locations and got to see so much more of the area than we would of all staying in the same place.
I would explain that even the cost of flights and accommodation for hubby on his own is more than the budget allows for you to save and plan for family holidays and you're very sorry but you can't afford to attend, even with the notice given you have 4 children to raise. Ask them if they're going to have a party when they're home for those who couldn't go.
Ps... My brother married a girl who wasn't Australian and the wedding was in Germany. Only our parents went. We couldn't afford it. My other 2 brothers and I contributed to their flights so they could attend
We had a destination wedding but it was at a half way point for both families. We have family/friends in Perth (where we live) and in NZ so we had it in Melbourne.
If you can’t afford it don’t go, you should never go into debt for someone else’s wedding.
7 days is ridiculous that’s 7 nights Accomodation.. very expensive! Or only if you can afford it you and your hubby could go for 3 nights. Could be like a mini vacation.
We never expected everyone to come to our wedding but were really grateful to those who came. Some stayed 2 nights, some stayed 4. Totally up to you.
We were invited to a friends wedding in England but we didn’t go we worked it out and it was at least 15K with a 1 year old. We couldn’t afford it and with our little one we felt it was too far.
Do what is right for you.
I think destination weddings are tricky. As you said you have no intention of travelling and with 4 kids money will be hard.
I would suggest talking to hubby brother. He is obviously trying to give everyone heaps of notice given you have 18 months.
I personally wouldn't get a credit card for it. You'll be paying thay off for a long time.
As far as school How's, as a teacher I view travel as invaluable as students will see things that we can only dream of teaching them. One week won't matter in the classroom.
Like I said, talk to the brother. He sounds reasonable. I would absolutley let my hubby go if we couldn't afford it. Or even go with him and find someone to look after the kids for a week. Don't sweat too much on birthdays. You can make them special when you get back or before you go. His brother will only get married once (hopefully) and it sounds like they're trying to make it fair on both families making the location half way between both countries.
Good luck with what you decide. I would personally try and save my butt of. What an experience for the kids!!
I have just said no to a friend who will be getting married overseas next year. We don’t have passports either, we’d need to adult passports and 3 children’s. Flights and accommodation on top of that and it’s not during school holidays. I just told her straight, said I know you guys will have an amazing wedding regardless but we simply can’t afford to go.
We have other family commitments this year coming up which all cost money. We didn’t want to miss out on what we have planned just to save for someone’s wedding they want to have overseas. Totally within their right to have it wherever they like but surely they’d have to understand some won’t be making it. Little bit different of a story with you though it being family. I still wouldn’t go though, it’s not worth the financial stress.