My almost 5yo son (only child) started kinder this week and has minimal past experience playing with kids due to being looked after by myself or grandparents most of his life. He is quite a sensitive soul and even lets younger kids push past him (so ive noticed at playgrounds). On his second day he came home and told me a child said he was "junk" and wouldnt share toys with him. Can i get advice on how i should talk to him about kids picking on him. What's the best way to go about it to give him tools to deal with kids like this?
8 Replies
Experience. Keep him engaged with other children as much as possible. Tell him the truth not everyone is friendly and not everyone will like you! You just have to find the little friends that will love you the way you are!
Be careful with the term Bully. A bully is someone who repeatedly singled out someone and is cruel etc. A one off event doesn’t define a child as being a bully. They are all navigating their way in a new environment and kids at this age don’t want to share. Or he may have thought your child was going to try and take them away etc.
Just tell him that he is not JUNK what a silly thing to say! Tell him to say to the child that wasn’t very kind and find something or someone else to play with.
I ageee, the term bully is not appropriate here.
I don’t feel like I’m an expert at this because I kind of wonder the same as my boy is the same age and starting kinder for the first time too.
I’m trying to find a balance between giving him the right tools to deal with it, as well as taking what he says with a grain of salt because I have noticed he does fib a little or stretch the truth to get me worried. I find if I probe him too much about his day, he makes things up. If he comes out with it on his own, I know it usually actually happened.
I also found he can be a little rude and not acknowledge children when they speak to him, so I’m also always trying to work on that too.
If someone is generally being rude or mean to him, I tell him he needs to use his words. We don’t hit, we don’t push, we don’t ruin things. We say things like “don’t touch me” or “don’t push me” ect and I tell him to tell his teacher if it keeps happening. I always ask him if he know why the kids pushed him or whatever and sometimes he has even said it was because he took something they were playing with. And then I explain how he should wait his turn and that Timothy wanted that, he shouldn’t have taken it, Timothy got angry, did the wrong thing and pushed you. You guys have a problem and need to work it out. Give him back the thing, and wait until he is finished with it. Ask if you can have a go in 2 minutes.
I get sick of explaining things like this but I find it really works for my son. I mean he isn’t perfect and will probably always have fights with a whole class of 4-5 years olds, I only think that’s natural. But just giving him words to use when things happen, is about the best I feel like I can do.
If it was contanst or from one certain kid, I’d speak to the teacher.
He also says he doesn’t like particular kids and for a while I thought it’s because they were bullying him. But I’ve realised it’s more because one time they snatched something or pushed in front ect. And he is holding a grudge lol
I always tell him that he doesn’t have to like everyone, not everyone will like him. But he always has to be kind and use his words.. (not get physical) 😂
Definition of bullying
The national definition of bullying for Australian schools says:
Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening.
Bullying can happen in person or online, via various digital platforms and devices and it can be obvious (overt) or hidden (covert). Bullying behaviour is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time (for example, through sharing of digital records)
Bullying of any form or for any reason can have immediate, medium and long-term effects on those involved, including bystanders. Single incidents and conflict or fights between equals, whether in person or online, are not defined as bullying.
You’re child wasn’t bullied, he isn’t the target of bullying. You need to encourage resilience and ensure you help you’re sensitive soul understand that not every one is going to want to play with him, not everyone has to like him and not everyone is going to be nice to them all of the time. It’s life. He’s 5 its his first few days. These kids have probably been to day care together or even 4 yr old kindy together and already formed friendships. Your child is going to have to find his own friends and if you jump to “it’s bullying” every time someone is mean to your precious soul. Then you yourself are going to make it harder on him to form friend ships. My best friends are the girls I met in year 4 and up. We’ve had our fights and our problems but when push comes to shove our parents stayed out of it and let us sort it out. Let the staff know your son is feeling a little like he doesn’t fit in after 2 days and they’ll think you’re over reacting becasue it’s only been 2 days and to give him and the rest of his class time becasue that’s what it takes. Takes a lot longer to form friendships than 12 hours.
Kindy kids say the darndest things, my Mr 5 said very loudly to me in the hall on the first day “mum that kid has a weird head”. I’m sure he’s said other things like this over the week, he’s not a bully, he’s just lacking appropriate social skills.
Teach your child resilience and give him lots of chances to be in social situations with his own age group. Do not get involved in their discussions, give him the skills and let him sort it out.
Note to other parents - this is why your child should attend preschool.
You're junk?😂 sorry but I find that funny. Kindy kids are a crackup. I'd tell my children well did you tell him he was junk too? Once my daughter said a boy burped on her lunch and laughed. I asked what she did. Apparently she threw it in the bin cause it's grose. I just told her to tell the teacher and tell him to stay away from her lunch. Kids are ridiculous and this is not bullying. Start preparing him for life. I find kids are so wrapped in cotton wool all the time its disgusting.